Dear December 25th,
I feel as though it’s time we had a talk.
I’ve been very unhappy for a very long time and I bet that if you were honest with yourself, you’d admit that you have known for a while that things were not right between us. I’m sure that you’ve noticed that I’ve been snippy, stressed and on the verge of committing major felonies in the aisles of Toys R Us. I’d be willing to bet, too, that you’ve noticed that I’ve not been at all nice to you. You can’t say you haven’t noticed my frustration with exterior illumination or my irritation with the postal service. And, I saw the way you looked at me when I grumbled about making 67 dozen cookies. I saw it in your eyes: you, too, can see that I’m slipping away from you, one candy cane at a time.
There’s never a good time to say the words I’m about to say: I’m in love with another date. Another day in December has captured my heart and I’d only be lying to us both if I kept silent. I have fallen in love with December 26th. December 26th has become my new “Most Wonderful Day of The Year”. As much as it pains me to say it, I feel that I need to be honest: I am leaving you for December 26th.
Every year, December 26th opens his arms to me and envelops me in a relaxed, pajama clad hug that lasts for the entire day. December 26th demands nothing of me. I am not obligated to make merry, I’m not obligated to have a single present wrapped in honor of his arrival and I don’t have to fill one single God forsaken stocking. He doesn’t come with Elves on The Goddamned Shelf, teacher gifts, fruit cakes or wrapping paper without those special cutting lines on the back. He doesn’t bring pine needles, classroom parties, Cub Scout parties, Brownie parties, office parties, book club parties, neighborhood parties, nine cookie exchanges or 18 visits from Santa. He just quietly shows up with little fanfare and is solid in his place on the calendar.
December 26th finds my Fruit Loops completely entertained and without a single request, save for an odd battery or Barbie doll package extraction. December 26th lets me bathe in quiet solitude by the glow of my new electronic devices and I love the woman I am when I’m with him: relaxed and happy. December 26th understands. December 26th says he loves me and I believe him.
I know these words are coming as a surprise to you, my dear December 25th. I know that you will look back on our time together and think, “If I only didn’t start arriving in October” or “I should never have expected that she wrap 200 presents before I got there”. You might even find yourself thinking “If I had only made it easier on her to find Furbies and Zhu Zhu pets” but I beg of you to not blame yourself. I ask for humble forgiveness in my indiscretion and dalliance with December 26th. I implore you to understand: It’s not you, it’s me.
I will forever hold fond memories of the days when you were my beloved: the times when I could blissfully run to you and the bounty that magically appeared under my tree. The times when Christmas lights existed to solely light up my child eyes and I had never heard the word extension cord. I will always hold dear the smells of cookies made for me by someone else and the sight of beautifully wrapped presents that a magic man in red brought for me. You were my first favorite day of the year and for that I’m grateful. There’s no other day I would have rather shared that with than you. However, it’s time for me to move on, sad as it is, and we’ve both seen it coming for a long time.
Please don’t try to contact me or interfere in my new life with December 26th. We are going to make a go of it and while it will hurt at first, you will see that it’s for the best. You will find someone else to love you as a favorite and I hope we can at least be friends. You will always be a special part of my life and no amount of love for December 26th will change that, I promise.
With a heavy heart,