Contrary to popular belief, sometimes, I can be serious.
I know. It comes as a shock to me, too.
And, when those serious moments come, I write what’s in my soul. Sometimes, those serious pieces stay locked in my computer, hidden in the far recesses of my hard drive, never to be seen by possible trolls and hurtful people who can’t be trusted to take care of my soul.
But, once in a while, I write something and share it with a friend to see what they think. To see if it would be helpful to someone else. To have a friend tell me, “yes, you should bear a little of your soul because so many feel the same way”.
My dear friend Lynn at Nomad Mom Diary is also an editor at BluntMoms (yes, she’s a total blog show off….). Over the summer, I approached her with an idea for a piece that I wasn’t comfortable writing for my own blog. Due to the topic, I wanted to write anonymously because my soul felt fragile. She encouraged me, cheered me on and completely understood when it took me six weeks to get back to her to say I still wasn’t sure I could write what I wanted to say. I was afraid of being judged, of being ridiculed, of being “outed” to my community. Saying the words “depression” and “Prozac” in the same sentence seemed impossible.
And then, Robin Williams died.
And my soul hurt for him.
Because my pain was a pain that encompassed him, enveloped him, and ultimately devoured him. In him, I saw what could have been me.
So, in the days after his passing, the words flowed. Suddenly, I knew exactly what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say the words that were in my heart. I wrote my soul and gave it to Lynn to publish on BluntMoms.
If you’d like to read a piece of my heart, a piece of my soul, a piece of my struggle with depression, please click the link below.
And remember, I’m trusting you with my soul. Be kind to it. If it’s something that resonates with you, because you, too, are in the midst of that struggle, please know you are among friends here.
Leigh ann says
Thank you. Just. Thank you.
I thought I just needed “vitamin P” to get me through the horrible marriage and subsequent divorce I blamed as the culprit for my “spells”. As soon as the paperwork was signed, I decided to take myself off of it (safely tapering my dose) that was three months ago. I think I’m going to call my dr back. I feel it coming on again, and I just don’t want to live that way again. I have all the reasons in the world to want to live the life I have, mostly because I deserve to. Thank you for your candid article, thank you for your honesty. Just. Thank you.
Leigh Ann, thank you for having the courage to comment. Hugs.
Kudos! I know this was a hard story to write but thank you for being open and honest and sharing this with us. I don’t believe being on any type of meds makes anyone a weak person. I believe knowing you need help and getting that help is a strong, brave thing to do, no matter what the ailment might be. I’ve been through depression and anxiety myself and at its worst I knew I needed to find help. I went through just about every med out there at the time and nothing seemed to help. After a doctor recommended blood work they found my thyroid to be very under active. After going on meds, I was a new person. I still suffer from anxiety from time to time but I’ve learned to work through that most of the time. The support from friends and family are the “drug” that work very well at those times. Most of them have gone through anxiety and depression or are still struggling with it on a daily basis. No worries here, you can trust that I’ve got your back and that your soul is safe with me.
Brandyn Blaze says
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I know first hand how hard it can be to finally get help…not to mention how hard it is to be open about needing that help. I so easily could have written every word of this piece. I too felt enormously guilty at not having the feelings I thought I should have. I also was skeptical about whether or not the medication would be of any use. It’s always comforting to know you are not alone in your struggles.
After 6 months of crying and/or instant rage, I went to the doctor with my husband so he could support my story. Started to cry before the doctor arrived and felt so stupid. Like you, I have everything I could want in life. Prozac turned my life around. I could be the loving mom my kids need, the supportive wife, sympathic friend and sister I was before. Surprise, there are lots of us out there. Afraid to admit we have a physical problem that can be controlled with medication. We wear glasses, or need insulin, have thyroid or other issues that we would not hesitate to use meds to treat, but are ashamed to need prozac. After finding a great friend that also has depression, I have changed my attitude. We help each other to get through any bad days (yes, they still occur) and remind each other to stay positive. Sometimes with silly comments like “did you forget your meds today..you are so bitchy” God bless you for speaking out.