Keeper of the Fruit Loops

I am The Keeper of The Fruit Loops, Manager of the Fecal Roster and the Driver of the People Mover. In other words, I'm a mom.

  • Home
  • Awards And Books!
  • Loop Scoop
  • See The Keeper
  • Find The Keeper
  • The Keeper On The Today Show


You are here: Home / Archives for Behind Closed Doors

Living With Teens Means Sexy Time Is Tricky

February 10, 2019 By Christine Leave a Comment

Sexy time with teens around.

When you tell people you are about to become a parent for the first time, the jokes about never sleeping again are almost immediate. And, once your friends have sufficiently warned you that you’ll be exhausted for eighteen years, the jokes switch to your sex life. Or lack thereof, that is. “Playdates with other people’s […]

Filed Under: Behind Closed Doors Tagged With: sexy time

That Time Hubby Bought Me My 80s Dream Car

January 12, 2019 By Christine 2 Comments

Car from the movie Can't Buy Me Love

We all have that one object that tethers us to another place and time. Whether it’s a favorite college sweatshirt or a cherished book, the object helps us remember a time when afternoons were long and carefree and adult responsibilities were minimal. For some, the object or item may even represent at time when they […]

Filed Under: Behind Closed Doors Tagged With: 80s

Forgiving Your Spouse Means Admitting You’ve Done Stupid Things, Too

June 10, 2018 By Christine 2 Comments

forgiveness

Show of hands: Who has a spouse who has committed an Act of Stupid so incredible that you want to scream and yell like a stark raving lunatic? Show of hands: Who has BEEN the spouse to commit the Act of Stupid? I can raise my hand to both. Let’s face it: in the day […]

Filed Under: Behind Closed Doors Tagged With: marriage

The Day A Car Accident Made Me Realize I Was A Douchebag

April 29, 2018 By Christine 1 Comment

You know how sometimes Life tries to quietly teach you a lesson and you ignore it?  And then Life tries a little louder to teach you that lesson and you swat it away like an annoying fly?  And THEN Life yells REALLY REALLY loudly and gets all up in your business and you get all […]

Filed Under: Behind Closed Doors, Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way Tagged With: accident, brick wall

My Husband Is Having An Affair and It’s Fine With Me

April 5, 2018 By Christine Leave a Comment

She’s sleek. She’s sexy. She purrs. When she’s around, he’s got his eyes on her curves and he just can’t help but touch her parts. She takes him places he’s always dreamed about and my husband is just plain smitten. I’m talking, of course, about our, er, HIS, 1966 Mustang convertible. The Pony is his […]

Filed Under: Behind Closed Doors Tagged With: marriage

I Wear A Bikini At 40 And You Should, Too

February 25, 2016 By Christine 5 Comments

I am a mom and I have the body to prove it. My boobs are full, I have a C section scar and frankly, I haven’t seen my abs since 2002. I have stretch marks on my thighs, my waist and under my arms (seriously, what is THAT about?). My thighs are like tree trunks […]

Filed Under: Behind Closed Doors, Parenting My Way Tagged With: bikini, body image, mom body

Hubby Doesn’t Need Training. He’s Not A Dog.

December 10, 2015 By Christine 1 Comment

A few weeks ago, I was helping a group of moms get a classroom party organized. As we passed out holiday appropriate paper plates and organic snacks, we chit chatted about our days, our kids and of course, we bitched about our husbands. We bitched about how they are clueless sometimes. How their aim in […]

Filed Under: Behind Closed Doors, Parenting My Way Tagged With: dogs, husbands, training

Home Sweet Home

May 18, 2015 By Christine 4 Comments

Hubby and I, on the general, don’t argue much. Strike that. We argue all the time. We have tiffs, we have eye rolling, we have snippy moments where I call him a jackass and he gets annoyed. Occasionally, there’s even a door slam. But, for the most part, we don’t argue so vociferously that one […]

Filed Under: Behind Closed Doors, Parenting Is Hard Enough Tagged With: arguments, new house, sleep deprivation

50 Shades of Blush, er, Grey

February 24, 2015 By Christine 3 Comments

In the summer of 2012, almost every woman I knew had their face buried in their e-reader. My friends could be found at the pool, sunglassed and sunscreened, discreetly reading while their children frolicked in chlorine. I’d see women at Barnes and Noble buried in their Nooks, coffees steaming as hot as their loins. I’d […]

Filed Under: Behind Closed Doors, The Keeper Is A Guest! Tagged With: 50 Shades, Blushing

This Mom Runs On Prozac

October 21, 2014 By Christine 5 Comments

Contrary to popular belief, sometimes, I can be serious. I know.  It comes as a shock to me, too. And, when those serious moments come, I write what’s in my soul.  Sometimes, those serious pieces stay locked in my computer, hidden in the far recesses of my hard drive, never to be seen by possible […]

Filed Under: Behind Closed Doors Tagged With: BluntMoms, depression, Prozac

It Took Me Twenty Years To Realize My Husband Was In My Backyard

September 10, 2014 By Christine 15 Comments

Couple in backyard

I am often asked how Hubby and I met and I take great joy in announcing, “Blind Date!”. Yup. We met on a good, old fashioned, “hey, these two would probably click” blind date in 1995. On that May evening, I had accompanied my Matchmaker friend to her boyfriend’s house to watch, of all movies, […]

Filed Under: Behind Closed Doors Tagged With: blind dates, Captain Obvious, true love

Busted

July 9, 2014 By Christine 4 Comments

A funny thing happens when you become a parent. Things change. A lot. For instance, you can’t easily get in and out of a convenience store for a cup of coffee. You can’t shop at Target for under $300. Swearing is harder. Your television that used to house Law and Order marathons becomes overrun with […]

Filed Under: Behind Closed Doors Tagged With: busted, getting caught, sex

Lost And Still Not Found

June 2, 2014 By Christine 2 Comments

I don’t lose things. Ever. Like, ever. As we speak, Fruit Loop #2 is running around the backyard wearing the earrings I had my ears pierced in when I was nine.  When she flops on her bed to read, she lights her copy of Ramona and Her Mother that I gave her with the lamp […]

Filed Under: Behind Closed Doors Tagged With: lost, wedding rings

My Messy Beautiful Depression

April 8, 2014 By Christine 3 Comments

The piece I’m about to share with you is a complete and utter departure from my usual hilarity.  It’s a piece I’ve thought about, mulled over, and rejected more times than I can count.  I’ve written and rewritten it a thousand times in my head and have been waiting for the perfect time to put […]

Filed Under: Behind Closed Doors Tagged With: depression, motherhood, silent cry

Love Is Courtesy Flushes And Toddlers Who Vomit (Screw You, Hallmark)

February 13, 2014 By Christine 3 Comments

Screw you, Hallmark

One of the many endearing gestures my dad used to do for my mom involved Love Is cartoons. For those of you who aren’t familiar, these cartoons appeared in newspapers across the country and featured two cute, cupid style lovers and a sentimental phrase underneath. My dad used to leave them for my mom, particularly […]

Filed Under: Behind Closed Doors, Losing My Dad Tagged With: love, love is, marriage

I Recommend Wearing Blue Suede Shoes To Your Mammogram (Seriously)

December 5, 2013 By Christine 6 Comments

There are some sentinel moments in a woman’s aging process that are reason for pause and reflection.  The first time you find a grey hair the size of a garden snake in your eyebrows. The moment when you look at your thighs and figure out the quickest route to Florida using all the blue lines. […]

Filed Under: Behind Closed Doors Tagged With: blue suede shoes, mammogram

Our Wedding Anniversary Is 9/11 And We Will Always Remember

September 10, 2013 By Christine 17 Comments

Our wedding day was perfect. PER-FECT. I’m talking the kind of perfect that made the angels weep. The kind of perfect that would make Martha Stewart pass out because she could never achieve that level of amazing. The kind of perfect that memories of a lifetime are made of and that you cherish forever. I […]

Filed Under: Behind Closed Doors Tagged With: anniversary, September 11

The Jig Is Up: I Am 40 Something And My Body Looks, Well, 40 Something

July 8, 2013 By Christine 20 Comments

Christine Burke's 40th birthday

I’m just going to put this out there:  I’m 40 years old. And I look, well, 40 years old. As much as I’d like to delude myself into thinking that my body looks like it did when I was 21, sometimes, you just have to face facts. At some point, you have to look in […]

Filed Under: Behind Closed Doors, Parenting Is Hard Enough Tagged With: 40, gravity, perky

  • 1
  • 2
  • Next Page »

Find Your Favorite Posts!

Fruit Loops Are Social. You should be, too. Ahem.

Subscribe Via Email

Top Posts & Pages

  • This Mom Runs On Prozac
    This Mom Runs On Prozac
  • An Adult Ruined Christmas For My Daughter And I'm Still Angry
    An Adult Ruined Christmas For My Daughter And I'm Still Angry
  • My Teen Asked Me About A Sex Act While I Was Driving
    My Teen Asked Me About A Sex Act While I Was Driving
  • Did You Move The Elf On The Shelf? 11 Last Minute Ideas To Save Your Ass
    Did You Move The Elf On The Shelf? 11 Last Minute Ideas To Save Your Ass
  • Gin and Tonic With A Twist of LYME Disease
    Gin and Tonic With A Twist of LYME Disease

The Keeper on Instagram!

Follow on Instagram

The Keeper And HerMoney

THE KEEPER IS THE BEST!

Buy My T Shirts!

The Keeper Is A TOP Today Show Contributor!

The Keeper On Today!

Facebook Fruit Loops

Facebook Fruit Loops

See The Keeper’s LTYM Video!

BlogU Graduate

Fruit Loop Archives

Copyright © 2023 · Keeper Of The Fruitloops | Maintained By Technology-Therapist | Log in