I think I might be a selfish mom. Scratch that. I know that I’m a selfish mom. I know this because, last night, when it came to dessert, I took the biggest bowl of ice cream for myself. And I didn’t give it to my husband. Or the Fruit Loops. I took it for me. […]
The Things I Didn’t See Coming When I Became A Mom (But I Know Now)
When we brought Fruit Loop #1 home, I knew NOTHING about motherhood. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Alright, maybe not NOTHING necessarily. Fact: I knew how to be mothered but not how to be an actual mom. Man, did I have A LOT to learn when Fruit Loop #1 came across our threshold. When I think back […]
The Day I Broke The Baby Monitor
Having a child come into your life is like having Toys R Us, the baby section of Target and the entire baby food section of your grocery store dump their items right into your family room. There are onesies (how can one baby need 93 onesies?), containment items, (exersaucers, bouncy seats, swings, pack and plays, […]
The Post Cesarean Section Poop Is HELL.
As most moms will tell you, pregnancy is awesome exactly TWO times: BEFORE you actually get knocked up and AFTER the pea is no longer in the pod. The during part of pregnancy is no walk in the park and I’m not going to bore you with the list of ailments, maladies, situations and hemorrhoids […]
Becoming THAT Mom
A few nights ago, I had a phone conversation with my bestie in a darkened parking lot and it went something like this: Me: “Would you believe I’m sitting in a parking lot killing time between activities while Fruit Loop #2 eats a reheated dinner from two nights ago in the back seat?” Her: […]
If My House Was Burning Down, I’d Save This Favorite Object First (Yes, Really)
While listening to Carrie Underwood sing “My Favorite Things” during the Sound of Music Redeux debacle, I got to thinking about my favorite things. Of course, I thought of the obvious, “you have to pick these things or they take away your mommy card” favorite things: coffee, Downton Abbey, my Fruit Loops, every one of […]
Laura Ingalls I Am Not (Or: 5 Reasons I Hate Camping)
Growing up, I used to watch Little House on the Prairie and dream of being Laura Ingalls Wilder. She was the only girl I knew who had her own horse, got to use an outhouse and spent her days fishing in creeks. She had adventure after adventure in that little house by Plum Creek and […]
10 Parenting Truths Other Mothers Won’t Tell You…But I Will
When I joined the ranks of Mommyhood 15 years ago, I was blindsided by the truths that become glaringly apparent the day you join the club. And, as these truths became more evident, I sometimes felt like the other mothers who already knew them were giggling at me next to their lockers and whispering behind […]
I Just Used The Phrase I Used To Hate On An Unsuspecting Mom
When I was a new mom in 2003, I had the luxury of being able to stay home full time with my son when he arrived. Before he came, I envisioned long afternoons of cuddling and bonding, making gourmet meals for my husband and catching up on all of the books on my night stand […]
We Were Here First
Scene: Our Dinner Table, a few years ago. Fruit Loop #2: “How do you KNOW that you should marry a person?” Fruit Loop #1: “When you meet the right person, a spark happens. Then you have to nurture the spark so it becomes a flame and then eventually a bonfire across your marriage. And wick size […]
The Day I Almost Got Arrested At Preschool (Yes, Really)
It all started out so innocently. All I had to do was get the 2-year-old to his first day of preschool with a 2-week-old infant in tow. I’m a bachelor’s educated RN with many years of ICU experience. I’ve managed patient flow. I’ve run ICU codes. A 2-year-old and an infant? Pfft. Easy peasy. What […]
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