Three months ago, I officially retired from the traditional workforce. (Real talk: that sentence still feels surreal to write.) When people ask Hubby how he’s enjoying his retirement era, he gleefully exclaims, “I love it! And I’m not even good at it yet!”
For me, though, the transition to the slower pace of retired life has been harder than I expected. And that came as a surprise to me, especially since I’ve had a lot of “practice” in the last four years. Navigating three unexpected layoffs over four years gave me the opportunity to “try on” retired life. And while there were parts of having large chunks of time on my hands (hello, organized closets!), my stretches of unemployment made me face hard truths about what I wanted my post-professional life to look like in the long run.
When Hubby and I first started dreaming about “pointing our rocking chairs toward the west” as Tim McGraw sings, the prospect of traveling, sleeping late, and wide open days to pursue hobbies seemed a long way off. But as our professional years started waning and retirement was really on our not-so-distant horizon, I realized that maintaining a healthy partnership when we were no longer slogging at our 9-5s was going to take as much advanced planning as the finanical side of retiring did.
How do you ensure that you and your partner have what it takes to go the distance when you finish your professional marathon?
Here are 5 ways that we prepared for our retirement journey. Spoiler: I am still figuring it all out and I am definitely not a retirement expert. Yet.
Start Talking To Each Other. A Lot. Preferrably With A Therapist.
Therapy has been a key component to our marital harmony. Six years ago, Hubby and I realized that, after 20 years of marriage, we hardly recognized each other in the midst of busy careers, two teens, and a needy dog. We realized that, if we wanted to make it to our rocking chair days, we were going to need some help. Thankfully, we found a wonderful therapist who helped coach us through the outdated plays in our marital playbook.
During our time in therapy, we instituted a weekly, non-negotiable Date Night where we forced ourselves to get dressed up, leave the house, and reconnect. And we had one rule: no discussing work, the kids, or the dog for the first hour of our date. Friends, let me tell you, it was hard at first. Really hard. But we have come to realize that talking early and talking often has helped us avoid an eerily quiet house now that the kids (and the dog) have moved into their adult lives.
Don’t Wait Until Retirement To Shore Up Your Friendships and Relationships
I’ve been lucky to have a strong circle of friends who have been in the parenting and professional trenches with me for a long time. And though it was sometimes tricky to make time to catch up when I was juggling a full-time job and two busy teens, I have never been so grateful for the work my friends and I have put in over time than I have in retirement.
Because, let’s face it: even if you and your partner have plenty to chat about after leaving the workforce, the phrase, “How can I miss you if you never go away?” comes to mind. Connecting with friends over coffee or during a workout has made my retirement transition feel less overwhelming. And I’m finding that my friendships are deepening because I finally have the time to genuinely connect.
So, don’t put off that coffee date. Get a run on the calendar with a good friend today. Retirement You will thank Today You.
Don’t Just Look At “Big Picture” Retirement
Sure, daydreaming about retirement is fun, especially when you are trapped in a meeting that could have been an email and you can’t possibly imagine circling back one. more. time. this week. The thought of a nebulous, open schedule can seem positiviely blissful.
But, the thing is: retirement is actually a nebulous, open schedule and, without advanced planning, that can feel overwhelming to some people. (It’s me. I’m “some people.” Ahem.)
While, yes, Hubby and I did our fair share of daydreaming, we spent most of our retirement planning discussing what our days might look like once the demands of our professional life were gone. Of course we talked about the trips we wanted to take, but we also talked about the mundane and nitty gritty. Who was going to manage the laundry? Who was going to grocery shop? What household chores would be a joint efforts? We talked about what a typical day might look like for both of us almost as often as we discussed our retirement portfolio.
These visualizations helped me realize that some of our retirement goals and mentalities were different and that was helpful as we eased into our new life. We’ve been able to carve out a daily rhythm that satisfies and fullfils us both. It’s still an evolving work in progress, though. Stay tuned.
Develop Hobbies Before Retirement. A Lot Of Them. Trust Me.
It’s no secret that I’m an avid runner and a voracious reader. By the time I hit retirement, I had a well-developed system for both hobbies. But, there are only so many miles you can run in a day and only so many pages you can read before your eyes cross. While I love both actitvities and have been thrilled to devote more time to training and new authors, I wish I had taken up a few other hobbies leading up to my corporate exit.
Many years ago, I spoke to a woman who told me she made a conscious decision to not get involved with the PTA or school volunteering. Instead, she devoted the time she had for volunteering to a local food bank. She told me that the work filled her soul and didn’t suddenly go away when her kids aged out of the school district. At the time, I was entrenched in our school’s PTA politics and was taken aback by her advice.
I’ve thought a lot about that advice over the years, particularly when thinking about retirement and I’ve come to realize how sage her advice really was, though I couldn’t see it at the time. Ask yourself: what fulfills you? Are you doing volunteer or pro-bono work outside of your job that you can ramp up in a more meaningful way when you retire? I’m still working on that part, for sure.
Recognize That Retirement Harmony In Your Relationship Takes A Lot of Freaking Work. But It’s Worth It.
Hubby and I are only a few months into this next chapter but I can tell you that it’s taken a lot of work and patience to get here. And we are finding that retirement life is an awful lot like those first few years of marriage when you are learning to live together and carve out a new life. The key has been communication. Sometimes loudly until the other one finally “gets it.” Like I said, it’s a work in progress.
For now, we are living, laughing, and retiring. And we are getting better at it every day.
Did you love this post? Sharing is caring, bitchachos! Are you following me on Facebook, Instagram, and Threads?