I am a Downton Abbey Superfan. SUPER. FAN.
I’ve watched the show from it’s inception and it’s a safe assumption that on Sunday evenings in January, I can be found, drinking
wine tea and speaking in a British accent. I’ve even forced recruited Hubby to enjoy all that is Downton Abbey. I don’t make him wear tails, though. THAT would be ridiculous.
A few months ago, I had a writing gig that required me to write about storage and organization (my favorite!!). I wrote a few pieces for the website and, sadly, the gig ended before I could publish my latest piece.
About Downton Abbey and storage units.
Like I said: SUPER. DUPER. FAN. Bordering on the ridiculous, really.
And, so, because I just can’t have a blog piece sitting in the recesses of my iMac and NOT share it with my adoring fans, you are getting a bonus today. A hidden gem. A rare look into the mind of a Downton Abbey Super Fan’s mind.
Read: I didn’t get paid for this piece and I think it’s hilarious and someone should read it, dammit.
Without further ado, I give you:
What Would You Find In Downton Abbey’s Storage Unit?
If you are like me, you’d give all the crumpets in England to take a walk through Highclere Castle, home to the much anguished Crawley family and their even more anguished house staff. You’d probably like a spot of tea while sitting on that velour, high backed red chair while waiting for Carson to call you to dinner. Or, maybe, you’d like to sweep down the staircase while wearing a flapper gown covered in diamonds as you head to the gift shop.
I’d totally do those things.
However, what I’d MUCH rather do is get a gander at what The Family Crawley are storing in their storage unit. Ya know, the stuff they want to save for a rainy day. Or for when Matthew Crawley comes back. Because, come on: Matthew HAS to come back. Those blue eyes in a tux are better than all of the English Breakfast tea in London. And two words: That. Hair. Sigh. However, I digress….
I have an inkling of what we’d find if we were allowed to go rummaging through the Crawley’s storied past. And as you can probably guess, you’ll be surprised….
First and foremost, we need a visual of what the storage unit would look like:
Manicured gardens. Turret. Stone. Obvi.
WHAT WE’D FIND IN DOWNTON ABBEY’S STORAGE UNIT (A SUPER FAN SPECULATES):
1). Cora Crawley’s American Flag and “I Love NYC” T shirt. That’s what every self respecting American brings to England when you marry British Aristocracy. Duh.
2). Mary Crawley and Kemal Pamuk’s damaging sex tapes, er, movie reels. If Edith and her journalist friends got their hands on these and published them, the scandal would rock Highclere to it’s very foundation. “Turks Gone Wild. And Found Dead. In Mary’s Bed” could be the headline…..
3). Sybil’s old nursing uniforms. She may be dead and gone but The Hallow’s Eve Costume Ball would be the perfect time to pull these out. Sigh. Poor, poor Sybil.
4). Edith’s Wedding Dress, leftover from her altar jilting by Sir Anthony Strallan. Though, doubtful if unwed mothers who give their child to the farmer next door can wear white the next time around…a middle child spinster can dream, can’t she?
5). Thomas Barrow’s Ego. Because there just isn’t enough room in the 200 room castle to fit all of it.
6). Mrs. Padmore’s extra copper pots. And she makes Daisy polish them until they shine…
7. Dowager Countess of Grantham’s extensive dress and hat collection. Because, again, 200 rooms do not provide nearly enough armoire space.
8). Tom Branson’s “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” Beer Stein. He’s Irish. And he’s a widower. If Mary doesn’t kiss him, the rest of the Downton Abbey fan girls will.
9). Isobel Crawley’s secret diaries in which she plots the demise of The Dowager Countess Grantham. Let’s face it: those two have NEVER gotten along…and Isobel’s life would be infinitely easier if Countess Grantham were gone. If for no other reason than, she’d win the flower show awards hands down. These diaries were written prior to Matthew’s demise, of course…..
10). Anna’s boxes filled with “Free Bates” bumper stickers. Bates may have been exonerated of Vera’s murder, however, the jury is still out on what he did or didn’t do to Lord Gillingham. So, the boxes stay. Just in case….Oh, and the cane that Bates may or may not have used to trip Lord Gillingham is buried way in the back, behind the boxes. Shhh….no one need know that….
11). The infamous bar of soap that O’Brien conveniently left on the floor of Lady Crawley’s bathroom floor. It was the Slip and Fall Heard ‘Round The World and caused Lady Crawley to miscarry a Downton heir. Our hatred for O’Brien is deep and it’s real.
12). Matthew Crawley Himself. He just can’t be dead. HE JUST CAN’T BE DEAD. He must simply be hiding in the storage unit until Mary stops frowning…right? RIGHT?
I told you. SUPER. FAN. And, don’t EVEN get me started on a blog post about Mad Men. Because Don Draper would have some very interesting things in HIS storage unit, no?
What do you think? Did I miss anything??
If you loved this post, why not share it with your friends? Pin it to a favorite board, tweet it to your peeps, or Google + the heck out of it! And, of course, don’t forget our favorite gathering spot, Facebook 😉 Sharing is caring, friends! Just use the little buttons below to work your social media magic!