I freely admit that, on a regular basis, I can manage to rub someone the wrong way.
I’m not always everyone’s cup of tea, sense of humor or favorite color and I’m okay with that.
I gave up a long time ago trying to be someone I’m not and I’m pretty pleased with who I’ve turned out to be as a human, mother, wife and friend. If I’ve hurt feelings over the years, I have always tried to be quick to say “I was wrong, I’m sorry and how can I make it better?” because I value the relationships in my life.
That being said, in the last week, I’ve been snubbed at a track meet, unfriended on Facebook and treated like general crap at a dinner party, all by three different people. All three incidents came out of left field and left me hurt and bewildered.
And that’s fine. Really. I get it. I’m just not your thang as a person and while we have had a personal relationship in the past, I wish you well on all of your endeavors.
In the cases above, I wasn’t given the opportunity to make things right so I’m leaving well enough alone and moving on. Riding off in to the sunset. I’m getting my Elsa on and imma Let. It. Go.
You get my point.
While I can let unfriending, rudeness and public snubs go, I can’t move on from what happened in Target today.
I just can’t.
Why you ask?
Because a stranger, a COMPLETE stranger, called me a BITCH. Because I made a joke. About The Muppets.
Let that sink in. A joke. ABOUT. THE. MUPPETS.
Today was my annual “Hunt for Cheap Easter Shit and Clearance Shoes” trip to Target. You know that trip: the one where you pile your bright red cart with candy, toys and other trinkets that will be under your couch, on the floor of your car and in the washer in three weeks.
I trolled the aisles for the candy that would make me “the cool mom” on Easter morning, clearance napkins and plates for the classroom parties and shoes I might wear when I find the exact right dress. I was in my happy place.
An hour and about $110 later, I was strolling toward the cash registers when the $4 movies caught my eye.
Oh, she would love An American Tale.
Aw, he’d love The Muppets Take Manhattan.
Into the cart they went.
Still with me?
I proceeded to unload my wares on to the conveyor belt and politely chatted with the Target cashier man.
“Yes, Reese’s cups are the best. Oh, I know! Candy is so expensive these days! Yes, he really will love that Lego kit.”
All the while, a woman I didn’t know stood waiting to pay for her items.
And then, the cashier scanned The Muppets Take Manhattan. And we had the following conversation. Verbatim:
Him: “I love this movie. So great!”.
Me: “Me, too. My kids love The Muppets”
Him: “That’s awesome.”
Me: “Parenting done right is when your kids know The Muppets.”
Cue polite laughter and golf claps for my wit.
The woman behind me, upon hearing our exchange, loudly HRRUMPHS, gathers her things and moves to a different cashier.
I paid my bill with my trusty Red card, gathered my stuff and headed out the door. I stopped in the breezeway to find my keys, sunglasses and cell phone and as I was doing so, I see the woman who had been behind me walking with a man and a small child.
And I hear THIS:
Her: “That’s her. That’s that bitch. She’s the one who called me a bad parent because our kids don’t know The Muppets. Who does she think she is? Such a bitch”.
Him: “What a bitch.”
Me (in my head because you don’t want to poke The Crazy): WHHHAAAAAATTTTTTTT???????
Seriously.Do what now?
After I regained my faculties, I had the following three thoughts:
2). This is exactly why I have a blog.
3). Why on EARTH is no one here with me to witness this and laugh as hard as I am right now?
In my pieces, Mean People Suck and Mean Moms Suck, I write about how when you encounter Mean People, sometimes it’s best to remember that the exchange you have with them is the sum total of their crappy day and very rarely about you. I try to keep that in perspective when people are harsh with me or act like total douche canoes to others. I really do.
Not today, bitchacho.
Today, I drew the line when I got called a bitch because I like Miss Piggy and love that my kids do, too. Or, more specifically because someone chose to interpret a conversation completely wrong, judge me and then use filth to refer to me.
I made A JOKE.
About parenting IN GENERAL.
Lighten the holy hell up, lady.
What is it with instant hostility these days, people? Can’t the general population take A JOKE THAT’S NOT THE LEAST BIT ABOUT THEM? Insecure much????
I’m sorry you heard “I think you suck as a parent because you’ve never shown your kid The Muppets”.
I’m NOT sorry.
BECAUSE I DIDN’T SAY THAT TO YOU, KERMIT.
Ahem. Adjusts hair, deep breath, insert Miss Piggy “Humph!”
Now, a braver person would have called that woman to task right there amidst the minivans, red carts and giant red cement balls but I took the high road.
I held my head high, pushed my oversized red cart to my car, and secretly plotted to angle my cart so it would hit her car in the high winds (for those of you STILL mad at me about the cart issue in Mean People Suck, today I’m Guilty. As. Charged. Sue me, bitches….).
Mostly, I wanted to avoid getting my ass kicked by someone who could get instantly hostile over The Muppets and parenting.
That would have been an entirely different blog, I assure you.
As I listened to her complain and yell expletives all the way to her car about me, ignoring her was the right call. No one needs to get up close and personal with that kind of crazy.
I did, however, *kind of* want to run in and purchase another copy of The Muppets Take Manhattan to throw at her head.
But I didn’t. Because that would be crazy.
Little Miss Cray Cray should just count her lucky stars that Miss Piggy wasn’t with me in that parking lot.
Had Miss Piggy been there, she would have bitch slapped that woman back into reality while making Kermit, Gonzo and his chickens watch.
Wokka Wokka Wokka.