Sometimes, dreams really do come true.
And, when those dreams involve a stalker like, fan girl obsession, it’s even sweeter when those dreams become realized.
Lemme tell you a little back story:
In December 2011, my BFF sent me a link with the words, “OMG. I’m crying I’m laughing soooooo hard…you have to read this…NOW”. Because I always do what my BFF says, I quickly clicked the link and was directed to a blog post entitled “Overachieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies” written by some chick with a blog called People I Want To Punch In The Throat. The blog bashed overachiever moms who spent more time than anyone should depicting Christmas scenes with the uber popular Elf On The Frigging Shelf.
This blog, on this day, is where my love affair with Jen Mann and her writing began.
Over the course of the next few years, I read pretty much every blog the woman wrote, often commenting my support and sometimes, cringing because the woman uses the F word like the Pope says “Bless You”. Her blogs are irreverent, she speaks her mind and man, oh, man, she does NOT like stupid celebrities. Or politicians. Or overachieving moms. Or anyone she wants to punch in the throat. And don’t get her started on douchebag teenagers.
I loved her.
Okay, not HER. Her WRITING….but also her. I totally wanted her to be my friend.
Flash forward to one cold January evening in 2014, about nine months into my illustrious, almost over before it started blogging career. I was nonchalantly checking my email (read: waiting for something new to pop up on Facebook) when I saw an unfamiliar email address in my inbox. When I clicked on the email, I realized it was from Jen Mann. THE Jen Mann. THE ACTUAL JEN MANN. And she was asking if I was interested in possibly submitting an essay for consideration for her upcoming anthology.
My head exploded.
In shock, I immediately called my BFF. One would think I would have alerted Hubby first but one would be wrong. While hubbies are supportive, BFFs get the need to scream into the phone at 7:19pm during baths and bedtime on a random evening about throat punching. After much discussion, a screen shot text for her to confirm I wasn’t seeing things, more discussion, screaming, a whole lot of “OMG HOW DID SHE FIND ME???” and at least six expletives, we decided it was probably for real. And then we screamed again.
When Jen selected my essay to be in I Just Want To Be Alone, I knew it was a big deal for my writing but in no way could I have imagined the doors that have been blown wide open for me since the publication. I got introduced to the cool kids of blogging. I got to go to BOOK SIGNINGS. I won an award for being The Most Likely To SQUEEEEEEE In Public. Life changing, I tell you….
And Jen Mann friended me on Facebook.
Even more mind blowing: when I met her in real life in June at The Blog University, she befriended me in real life. Yes, I just said real life twice in the same sentence. I’m flustered, okay?
A stalker, fan girl’s dream come true, I tell you. I try to be cool about it, but I’m not going to lie: we all know how stupidly I act around celebrities.
When Jen announced that she had her book, People I Want To Punch In The Throat: Competitive Crafters, Drop Off Despots and Other Suburban Scourges, coming out September 9, I wanted to, in a small way, do something to say thank you to her for believing in me as a new writer. And for continuing to answer my Facebook IMs.
So I did what every stalker, obsessed fan girl does: I asked her for an interview and for free books to giveaway. Duh.
Amazingly, she said yes. Probably because she’s afraid I’ll figure out where she lives. And then she’ll have real problems. Wait, I think she already does:
My Journalistic, Hard Hitting, Enquiring Minds Want To Know Interview With Jen Mann
1). So, you have a wildly popular blog, PIWTPITT, several anthologies, a massive social media following and one book out this fall. Plus, another one in 2015. How did you find my blog?
I found your blog through the Hubs. I was looking for new voices to feature in my anthology and the Hubs brought you to my attention. He liked your style. He has excellent taste.
2). This question is a two parter: You and I share a love for Jen Lancaster books, Les Mis, and 80s bubble gum pop. Do you know Jen Lancaster and can you invite her over so we can listen to Debbie Gibson and ask her about her husband Fletch and The Thundercats? Will you do a video with me singing “On My Own”? (This question makes more sense if you go check out Jen Lancaster’s awesomeness…just sayin’).
OK, let’s break this down: I don’t know Jen Lancaster, but I would like to be pals. Let’s make a pact right now that when Jen calls one of us (and we know she will) whoever gets the call to hang out will invite the other to the meeting, OK? The world is already such a scary place, I can’t add to it by filming a video of me singing “On My Own.”
3). I guess we should actually talk about YOUR book, (insert stupidly long title link here). Are you worried that 5 year Agnes is going to kick your ass when she reads the chapter about her? More specifically, are you excited about the gift basket her mother will send you after Agnes double downs on you? (Inteviewer’s note: Agnes is a 5 year old terror featured in the chapter entitled, “Oooh, Sorry To Hear You Got Agnes In Your Class, But I Hear Her Mother Is Lovely”. I assure you, we all know an Agnes….)
I’m not too concerned about Agnes. She’s missing teeth now, so she’s lost her number one weapon. I could use a fruit basket though, so maybe I’ll pick a fight with her just so I can get a treat.
4). Now that you are a big time blogger with a real book deal, do you feel as though you’ve arrived? And I don’t mean late to school pick up….
Sorry, I don’t have time to answer this one, I’m late for school pick up! Thanks for the reminder!
5). What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given aside from “Go read The Keeper of The Fruit Loops blog”?
Tell a funny story. There is humor in just about anything. Find the humor and make ’em laugh.
6). What would you say if you saw someone actually punch another person in the throat? Are you thug enough to throat punch someone?
Can I swear on your blog? Because if I actually saw someone punch another person in the throat I’d scream, “Holy shit!” I’m not thug enough to step on someone’s foot, so of course I’m not going to punch anyone. Also, I’m five feet tall, I couldn’t reach anyone’s throat if I wanted to.
7). What blogs do you read religiously? Why? And, have you told them about my blog?
I read a lot of HuffPost and The Onion. I love Moms Who Drink and Swear. She makes me look like I have the vocabulary of a preschool teacher. I don’t want to tell anyone about your blog. I want to keep you all to myself.
8). Will The Hubs buy me a minivan? I have sold A LOT of IJWTBA books, just sayin..
You don’t want to know what I had to do to get that minivan! Hubs says, “Second prize is a set of steak knives, third prize is you’re fired — get selling! Just sayin’.” Actually, let’s think about this one for a minute. The Hubs brought you to my attention, that’s better than a minivan!
9). Are you mostly out of the closet with your blog to the Dropoff Despots around you? As in, will you have to move shortly after (insert stupidly long title link here) is released? Will Agnes be torching your new badass minivan?
I have no idea who knows what I do. I think I flatter myself to think that anyone around here cares about what I do or say.
10). The Hubs has a blog, too. Are you ever going to let him have a chapter in one of your anthologies? He did buy you a minivan, after all, no?
Unless the next anthology is about couponing or meat sweats, I don’t think he’d have anything of value to add.
Isn’t she just awesome??? Now you totally want to be Facebook friends with her, don’t you? Well, too bad, she’s already my friend. But, as a consolation prize, FIVE lucky Fruit Loop Groupies will WIN her book. Yep. Just for being you, my adoring stalker, fruit loop girl obsessed fans. Just leave me a comment below and I’ll throw all the names in a hat and pick five lucky recipients. No, I’m not doing Rafflecopter. No, I’m not hiring a giveaway company. No, there is no randomization beyond my popcorn bowl and names on paper. Suck it. This is my giveaway, not yours.
THE RULES:
1). Leave a comment. You MUST comment to play.
2). Five winners will be chosen on September 9th, 2014. Don’t ask me what time. I don’t know yet.
3). Random House will be sending the books DIRECTLY TO YOU so I don’t have to deal with shipping. Or mailing labels. Or getting your address correctly spelled. So, you will be required to give me your address to forward onto the lovely lady at Random House. If you are hiding from the law and can’t give out your address, too bad, too sad. No book for you.
4). No fighting. There are plenty of books for ALL OF YOU. On Amazon. So go buy them, dammit. No sore losers. Because sore losers SUCK.
As Jen would say: Namaste and may the best despot win!!!!
PLEASE NOTE: The contest is OVER. Finished. No book for you. You are late to the game. Better luck next time. Sorry, Charlie. Sucks to be you. Go buy it on Amazon, loser.
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177 Responses
Love your blog and found you through Jen’s PIWTPITT — you could call me a “stalker, fan girl” to both of you 🙂
I seriously need to find out more about Agnes .. Can’t wait for the book to come out
PICK ME, PICK ME!
Do my chances increase with more begging? Because I *will* effing beg. And I just said effing because I don’t know you that well. AND I’m polite.
Funny as always! ❤️ you Fruit Loop Keeper
I love how all of my favorite mom-bloggers are now connected. I found both the Keeper and PIWTPITT through Courtney at Our Small Moments. http://oursmallmoments.com/ I stalk all of you and would say a very large THANK YOU for winning a copy of the new book (insert long title).
By “winners chosen at random,” you mean you’ll handpick me, right? I mean, we’re cool like that, soooo…
Isn’t it funny how these blogging icons can become our friends? It’s like these insanely talented women are real or something. Mind. Blown.
Seriously, I want a free book.
Love your blog, have followed all others that you have suggested. I’m much older than the rest of you and don’t have small children but can relate to so many of the things going on in your lives. Laughter truly is the best medicine and I can laugh every day reading you ladies. Oh would that I could write also! The only thing I have ever won is a sticker from Foxy Wine Pocket. My family thinks I’m nuts. Oh well.
I would love to win one of her books! Plus, my husband would appreciate saving a little money on books since I buy about one a week. 🙂
My mom and I absolutely love your blog! I read it to her allllllllllll the time. She thinks you’re just the best thing ever since sliced bread and let’s be honest, we both know she’s right! Today is her birthday, in her words she’s 29 again! I would love to win this book for her! She just loves the keeper and those silly little fruit loops!
Awesome! I love reading both of y’alls’ blogs.
Hook me up! Jen Lancaster preppy love, Fruit Loops and Agnes the firestarter?! The Sisterhood of the Stained Carpeting is all that’s missing. Seriously though, email me anyway, even if I don’t get picked. I need to get someone special on the throat punch list. *email me*
Loved reading the story of how you and Jen have come to be where you are now! I’m a fan of both of yours. IJWTBA lives in my loo and I know that you know that that is a true compliment. I’d love to win a copy of her latest book!
I would LOVE a free copy of Jen’s book. I would really, really love one. Really. REALLY. LOVE
Also, your questions are hilarious. Some day I wanna be famous enough to be interviewed by you just so you can ask me stuff like this!!
That is all.
<3
Really, really Love. Ahem.
I haven’t blogged in a month of Sundays, and I found your link on a local ‘community’ Patch, so I assumed you were local…..started reading your blog, found out you were the right level of crazy, so I started following you, and now I get all sorts of links to all sorts of blogs….thanks to you. BTW, I want the damned book 😀
I have already pre-ordered the book but I can’t wait and I will need two! I am just starting out by making myself laugh at my blog while you all are keeping me engaged and inspired to continue. Thanks for the laughs and for writing my name on a scrap of paper in your house – for a stalker that is like being invited to dinner. Should I bring white or red?
Pick me! I could always use something amusing to read after coming home from dealing with teenagers and their ever changing and raging hormones!
Oh I love it. It’s like being in high school all over again for me when a “cool” blogger seeks me out.
I love her blog. And now I love your blog too.
I love your review!! Great questions!! Did I also mention you are the prettiest blogger in town. ( I really want a copy of Jenn’s book). I”m crossing my fingers, but if I should not win, I will actually buy this book because I can always use a great, double over, can’t breath, laugh!!
Love the photo of the two of you. It really captures your likeness (said the one who looks like a potato head). I, for one, would love to see Jen throw down w/ Agnes. And I totally think Jen should buy you a van. Put me down for a book, will ya?
I actually am a newbie to internet blogs! IKR can’t believe it myself, but I’ve been living in mommy suburbia since the mid 90’s! I’ve finally discovered there are others who think, drink and swear (and laugh) like me! Adding Jen to my must reads!!!!
Your name was picked, Miss Kellie!!!!! YOU WON!!!
I love you both. I am happy to hear about the fruit loops (thanks Jen!). I’m “reformed” (ha-I tell hubs he never wants to meet the chick in my head) – and I try to keep the peace … try … so I LOVE you guys who can spit the truth so freely for us who wish we could. I LOVE Jen’s books! I’m an under-achieving mom who looks for the easiest things for the kids that seem like a lot-cause I love them.
Clarissa, baby, YOU WON, TOO!!!!!!!!!
Me me me me!!!!! Pick me!!!!!!
I love you. I love PIWTPITT. I love reading. I love laughing.
Pick me. Pick me.
Namaste.
Can I stalk you like you stalked Jen? I found you through BLUNTmoms and I think I love you.
I love jenn! Totally NEED her book.
PIWTPITT Is hilarious. You are hilarious. So cool to have a new (to me!) blog to follow. And I love that I can call myself a “Fruit Loop Groupie”.
I love PIWTPITT and I’m glad she led me to find your blog, too! I look forward to reading your writing.
EEK! I love all the peeps that wrote this awesomeness, please pick me!
Thank you for this awesome opportunity!!!! I loved your interview!!!! Thanks for this post and the giveaway!!!!
Just found your blog through PIWTPITT! Thanks for the opportunity and you now have another stalker / fan girl too. 🙂
Just found your blog through From Meredith to Mommy. Looking forward to reading!
You both look so sweet (and slightly spicy) in your picture – and SO tan! You must bake in the sun a lot (Ha! See what I did there?)
So glad I found you while burrowing down the internet rabbit hole (bloggies to BLUNTmoms…! And I’m so glad I did!
Do the cookies come with the book? It WAS my birthday 20 minutes ago…just sayin
I found your site through PIWTPITT and I love you both! I mean, who doesn’t appreciate Fruit Loops and punching annoying people right? Oh, that’s just me? OK, well I’d love to hang around here some more and hey, maybe win one of those books. Crossing my fingers!
I met Jen at BlogU. I proceeded to nervously introduce myself and my blog, “People I Want To Punch in the Throat.” She then introduced herself saying, “And I’ll be suing you.”
**So embarrassed.**
I love your blog and PIWTPITT because you remind me to laugh at my crazy life instead of cry. So, thanks for that.
Pick me, pick me! I would love to win this book. I tried to enter by subscribing to your blog, but your captcha got me and I gave up. I read you all the time on FB, anyway. I’m a big fan of fruit loops. And you. And Jen. Pick me, pick me. Oh…I already said that, huh?
I found your blog through a friend on Facebook. I love your updates about random annoyances and the things that the fruit loops say. I love that there are people on earth like you and Jen who don’t take life so darn seriously! Pick me, PUH-LEEESE!
Love your blog and now can’t wait to get hooked on the throat punching one. I need a new nightstand book so I. An put down this iPad….please pick me!
Pick me! Pick me, please! Pretty please with a cherry on top! I LOVE PIWTPITT and KOTFL! Your blog posts (and the other awesome blogs I follow) make every day great. Thanks for entertaining me (and making me feel less crazy).
This would be great to win!!! Thanks for the chance to win!! just found you this week and have been cracking up laughing all week.
If you pick me, I’ll try to invent a Fruit Loop themed cocktail for you! And a Throat-Punch cocktail for Jenn! Then we can drink our cocktails and snork them out our noses while dying laughing because we are all so hysterically funny.
So excited for you and very jealous! I love her work too (and yours!). Thanks for always making me laugh.
can’t wait to read it! I need a really good laugh asap!!!
I found PIWTPITT during a really dark time in my life when I was getting a lot of BS from the in laws about how I wasn’t a perfect enough parent. It made me hate myself. When I found her, it opened my eyes and life up to several other talented Mom writers who made me feel like I wasn’t perfect but that was ok because nobody else is either. It made the frustrating and hopeless parts of parenting and life funny for me and changed my outlook on everything. I will forever be grateful to you ladies for letting me know that I am not alone. 🙂
Love the daily laughs from both of you. Thanks!
This book is going to be great. Please pick me.
Congrats, Stephanie! Soon you will know how great it is….YOU WON A BOOK!
Omg I love your blog and this book sounds hysterical. When I was in labor I repeatedly told.my bf I was going to punch him in the throat. Still one of my threats to him. Lol in my defense my labor was 36 hours long, almost 3 hours of pushing, and my epidural stopped working one side. Lol keep up the laughs!!!
Love this !
Well, I’m glad, Tif, because YOU WON!!!!!!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this blog. I share it with my mom-to-be friend in the office. I think I’ve scared her into mommyhood 🙂
Contest is closed, people!!! Choosing the winners SHORTLY!!!
Pick me, please.
What kind of popcorn bowl? Big, small, metal, plastic, traditional or quirky? I just gotta know!
I stalked you thru PIWTPITT. Love her… LOVE you… I have my own band of fruit loops and you both make me feel more sane/normal… Keep it up! Oh yeah, (read in the voice of Donkey from Shrek) PICK ME, PICK ME!
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