The Keeper and Dried On Milk

I have a dividing line in my life when it comes to my friends.  I have In Real Life Friends, people I see daily and with whom I have real live conversations.  I know what their laughter sounds like, their facial gestures and the nuances of their humor.  I love my IRL friends long time.  Come to think of it, I sort of have to….they’ve seen me drunk in college and dance on tables at 39 in pink boas.  They know too much…

I also have In The Computer Friends, friends whom I’ve met along my blogging journey and who live all across the country (and in a few cases, across the pond).  Up until June, I hadn’t met a lot of them so I had to rely on their words on the screen for me to get to know them.  IMs, emoticons, and ALL CAPS expressions are how I’ve come to love many of them for the amazing women and writers they are.  Whether it’s 140 words on Twitter, a fifteen word post on Facebook or a long winded blog post, I’ve gotten to know my ITC friends almost better than my IRL friends.

For a long time, my IRL world and my ITC world remained separate.

Enter The Blog University conference in June.  It was at BlogU where my two friend worlds collided.  My ITC friends became IRL friends in a mashup of jumping up and down hugs, SQUUEEEEing and in some cases, dry leg humping (I’m looking at you Snarkfest…).  I got to meet the crazy ladies who made my daily blogging life exciting, tolerable on the hard writing days and who yelled in ALL CAPS when they were excited.

And, it was there that I met Stacia Ellermeier of Dried On Milk IN PERSON.  Dear Lord and All The Heavens above.  AB-OVE, I tell you.  She’s an experience and I love every single thing about her.   She is a loud, raucous, F bomb dropping, whip crack funny mess of blonde hair ADD awesomeness.  And if you think she talks in ALL CAPS to make her point In The Computer, just get her going in person about anything that annoys her or makes her laugh.  She will have you ALL CAPS laughing on the floor and begging for more.  Her stories about her children and her antics as a mother come alive as only she can tell them on her blog and, when you have her in front of you, her blogs suddenly become that much funnier.  Because to read her is to know her.  Her signature style of writing the way she speaks reminds you of when, at a party, someone is recounting a hilarious anecdote and you can’t breathe from laughing at the insanity.

And then, when you are with her, photos like THIS happen.  Yes, that’s me, Stacia and Jen of Real Life Parenting.  We OWNED 80s Night.  Jen was even PROM QUEEN.  True story.  See the tiara?

So, suffice it to say, she’s a mess and her funny extends into all of her blog posts.  All.  The. Posts.

In fact, here’s how our conversation went about picking a blog post for today’s Tribe Tuesday installment, almost verbatim:

Me:  What post should we use for TT?

Stacia:  Hmmm…. The Vet Story is pretty funny….

Me:  I also like The Driving Over The Road Cone At School story…..

Stacia:  Oh, yeah, that one’s STUPID funny, too….

Me:  Wait, The Fireworks one is good….this is too hard.  Blogging is hard.  Tribe Tuesday is hard.

Stacia:  NOOOOOOO!!  I GOT IT!!!!!!  THE EFFING GLOWSTICKS ONE!!!!  YOU KNOW, WHERE I DECIDED TO BE EFFING SPONTANEOUS???  YOUR AUDIENCE WILL LOVE ITTTTTTTT!!!!!

Me:  SQUEEEEEEEE!

See what I mean?  ALL CAPS.  She speaks in ALL CAPS, I tell you.  And then I SQUEEE.  We are a mess, the two of us….

Without further ado, I give you STACIA ELLERMEIER AND ALL OF HER ALL CAPS AWESOMENESS.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.  Ahem.

EFFING GLOWSTICKS

by Stacia Ellermeier of Dried On Milk

One day after daycare/work/school there was a package at our door for the kids. They get all kinds of goodies, but Nana got super points that day for the glow sticks. Kids love this crap. A tube that glows. Who thinks of this stuff?!

The kids were stinking up something fierce so I thought it would be fun to do something I found on Pinterest, interwebs or somewhere I can’t remember where. You take the glow sticks into the bath and turn out the lights.

Water + glow sticks = SUPA FUN TIMES!

I threw Ava and EZ in the bathtub in the bathroom that we never use because all the crap is upstairs — like towels and soap. I wasn’t thinking, man. I was going on autopilot because “THEY ARE GOING TO LOOOOVE THIS. THIS IS THE COOLEST IDEA EVER!!! LOOK AT ME BEING SPONTANEOUS!”

EZ bumped the faucet handle while I was helping Ava get undressed, and he started screaming. Ice cold water was pouring into the tub and EZ was hauling ass out by himself. He was only two and couldn’t get out without flinging water all over. Freezing cold water was everywhere.

I finally get the water right and throw gently place them back in the tub. EZ was still screaming to get out but “YOU ARE GOING TO LOOOVE THIS… so stay in kid.” I gave them the glow sticks and warned them that I’m turning out the lights.

I warned them! Do they listen? Sigh.

EZ started to scream even louder, which made Ava scream. Both were trying to get out of the tub, and there was even more water on the floor. I convinced Ava to stay in because “I PROMISE TO NOT TURN OFF THE LIGHTS AGAIN… JEEZ!”

I dried EZ off with a hand towel and let him roam naked while I went to get him a diaper and pajamas. I’m gone for maybe 10 seconds and find that EZ peed on the floor in the hallway. Are you serious?

That is exactly when Ava decided she wanted out of the tub because she bit into one of the glow sticks and it was leaking everywhere. “Mother of ?%@*!”

I had to run back upstairs to get her a towel and clothes, run back down, throw her the towel, wrangle EZ into a diaper. So help me, God, if you poop on the floor…

That’s when I checked out of being a parent for the night. We had popcorn for dinner and watched a movie. THAT is why I’m not a spontaneous person. It wrecks my damn nerves. I am a planner and proud of it!

Now that you’ve met my ALL CAPS blogging homie, you should check out her Facebook and Twitter….you won’t be disappointed.  And, the next time you need to get your point across, USE ALL CAPS and think of Stacia.  Oh, if you are feeling saucy today, start calling everyone you know “home slice” like she does, too….because how can you NOT?