Hoop Dee Doo Fruit Loop Review

If anyone had told me on New Year’s Eve 2012 that by New Year’s Eve 2013 I’d be sitting here writing a blog, I’d have told them they were cray cray with a capital C.  If someone had told me last NYE that I’d have 342 Facebook followers and people who actually read what I have to say, I’d have served them up a “Whatchu talkin’ about Willis?” with a side of “ain’t no way”.  And, if that same person would have told me that I’d have 11,110 hits on a little blog page I would come to name “Keeper of The Fruit Loops”, I’d have given them a “Pfft” with a “bitch be crazy” eye roll.

But, here we are.

I have a blog.

I have 342 followers.

I have had 11,100 entries onto my little blog page.

Well, hell.  I stand corrected.

Starting this blog was a leap of faith that, on some days, I’m not entirely sure was a good idea.  This little page of mine has caused me to question my sanity, reflect on my bygone days of early parenthood and has helped me find a voice to the humor I see in my world (and more often in my head).  I have “met” people from all over the country, have been welcomed into the blogosphere with open arms and have enjoyed learning the ropes of humor writing (Well, all except for when people read my stuff and edit it.  Or have an opinion.  Or tell me it’s not that great.  Ahem.).

I have also managed to piss people off,  have gotten more than my share of negative feedback and have yet to get paid a single godforsaken dime for any single godforsaken word I’ve published.   I’ve fretted over Facebook insights, struggled to understand anything related to RSS feeds, HTML code or Twitter and have not remotely figured out the secret to Mark Zuckerberg’s intricate, Ft. Knox-like Facebook algorithm (I’m on to you, Zuck…just give me time…).  I’ve trolled other more popular blog pages in hopes that someone (ANYONE!) will notice how freaking funny I am and want to join my world.  I’ve worried everyday that I’m not funny enough, that my writing isn’t as witty as someone else’s and that someday, my kids are going to come to me and say, “Lady, I need a HUGE check for the therapist.  As a retainer….”.

And yet, I write.

And I learn.  About myself.  About my followers.  About how Mark Zuckerberg hates bloggers.

I’ve learned that when you go camping, you can lose your wedding rings and your husband forgives you.   Mostly because you forgave him when he committed HIS Act of Stupid a few months before.
(Remember Laura Ingalls I Am Not and Forgiving Stupid?)

I’ve learned that trying to chase your kids as they ski down a mountain makes you realize that they are going to leave you some day (Confessions from The Bunny Slope, anyone?)

I’ve learned that I will swim in goose poop.  Twice.  And I’ll TRI Anything Once…

I’ve learned that Mean People Suck.  And when you write about that, the mean people get really, really mad and tell you so.

I’ve learned that walking into a bar at almost 40 makes me miss my perky boobs and taut cheekbones.  It also makes me proud of my varicose veins.  (I’m still Defying Gravity, people….)

I’ve learned that when you tell people that there are 0 Things “They” Won’t Tell You But I Will, people actually clap for you.  And share the article so much it becomes your second most popular post.

I’ve learned that there are other mom liars and I feel less guilty.  We are mothers and we are LIARS, LIARS, PANTS ON FIIIIIRE. (I Am Mother, I Am Liar).  And the Liar Post becomes your Most. Popular. Blog. Evuuuur.

I’ve learned that when your wedding anniversary falls on September 11th, there will forever be a part of your heart given to tragedy and it’s okay.  And it’s okay to say that it’s the Worst Anniversary Ever out loud.

I’ve learned that I when I write about losing my dad in October 2012, it makes me miss him less and makes him feel close.  And it makes me realize that he’s been helping me along this journey.  And he’d laugh his ass off at most of my posts.  Except maybe for the breast feeding ones….but I digress.
(Four Burkes and A Funeral, 8 Simple Rules From My Dad)

I’ve learned that when you write posts about the trials and tribulations of running, baby weight, explaining the birds and the bees to your kids or about family holidays from hell, complete with frozen turkeys, most times, people will say to you, “Holy crap, me, too!”.

Mostly, I’ve learned that I have a lot to say.  And I fervently hope that people will keep reading my musings and find a little bit of my truth in their world.

I can’t say what 2014 will bring but if this year is any indication, maybe this time next year, I’ll be writing this as a paid essayist with a five book deal under contract and I’ll have Emily Giffin’s phone number in my iPhone and I’ll be texting BFFs with Jen Lancaster.   Or, maybe it’ll find me with 436 fans who like to read about me and the fruit loops in my cereal bowl.  Either way, I’ll take it.

Happy New Year, Fruit Loop Group!