Keeper of the Fruit Loops

I am The Keeper of The Fruit Loops, Manager of the Fecal Roster and the Driver of the People Mover. In other words, I'm a mom.

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I Can’t Remember A Time When My Teen Didn’t Wear A Hoodie

January 20, 2019 By Christine 1 Comment

Hoodie sweatshirt

To live with a teenager means you are familiar with the esteem in which they hold their hooded sweatshirts. Just take a walk down any crowded high school hallway and you’ll find that pretty much every teen is wearing some version of a hoodie. In fact, they wear them all day, every day. The fires […]

Filed Under: Parenting My Way Tagged With: teenagers

No One Told Me The Age of Fifteen Is So Smelly (and Also Wonderful)

January 16, 2019 By Christine 3 Comments

fifteen

Fifteen. A milestone, they say. In fact, companies give employees gold watches after 15 years of service. Even the word “fifteen” sounds official. And yet, fifteen is still young. Fifteen is “Hey, Mah, can you take me to the store, I need a poster board for school?” because you can’t drive yet. Fifteen is dipping […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough

Hubby Took Me On A Birthday Trip From Hell (There Was Puking)

January 13, 2019 By Christine Leave a Comment

Trip from hell

My father turned forty when I was thirteen. I can remember my mother secretly planning a surprise party for him and wondering what all of the fuss was about. She stashed party decorations and cases of beer and soda at a friend’s house. She wrote out invitations when he was at work and intercepted phone […]

Filed Under: The Keeper Travels, The Keeper Travels And You Should Tagged With: birthday hell

That Time Hubby Bought Me My 80s Dream Car

January 12, 2019 By Christine 2 Comments

Car from the movie Can't Buy Me Love

We all have that one object that tethers us to another place and time. Whether it’s a favorite college sweatshirt or a cherished book, the object helps us remember a time when afternoons were long and carefree and adult responsibilities were minimal. For some, the object or item may even represent at time when they […]

Filed Under: Behind Closed Doors Tagged With: 80s

Motherhood Is A Circus: 10 Truths That Only Mom Runners Understand

November 25, 2018 By Christine 2 Comments

Motherhood is a circus and mom runners run away from home.

Being a mother is stressful. Some days, you feel like a lion tamer in charge of monkeys while juggling fire batons. Blindfolded. And those are the good days. On the rough days, the ones where I can’t take it one more minute, I run away from home. No, really, I actually lace up my running […]

Filed Under: The Keeper Runs Tagged With: running

News Flash: Our Teens Are Over Scheduled And Parents Are To Blame

November 18, 2018 By Christine 1 Comment

Teens are over scheduled and parents are to blame.

When my son announced last week that he wanted to apply for his first summer job, I was dubious. Though he’s fifteen years old and quite responsible, I wasn’t sure I was ready for him to take on the commitment of a part time job over the summer. Frankly, the thought of having to drive […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough Tagged With: parenting, what the hell

Pneumococcal Pneumonia Will Take Your Breath Away, Literally

November 10, 2018 By Christine Leave a Comment

Pneumococcal pneumonia is deadly.

I was compensated by the National Foundation for Infectious Diseases through an unrestricted educational grant from Merck & Co., Inc. to write about pneumococcal disease but all opinions are my own. It was during a game of dodge ball when I was 12 that my life changed forever. Along with my classmates, I was running […]

Filed Under: Keeper Approved Tagged With: sponsored

My Husband And I Went To Marriage Counseling and I’m Not Embarrassed

November 4, 2018 By Christine 6 Comments

Marriage counseling saved my marriage.

Two years ago, Hubby and I went through a transformation in our marriage. Some would call it a “rough patch.” Others would call it “marital growing pains.” I call it the scariest time I’ve ever lived through and, until about a year ago, I wasn’t able to write about our marital stress because it made […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough Tagged With: marriage

Did You Move The Elf On The Shelf? 11 Last Minute Ideas To Save Your Ass

November 1, 2018 By Christine 4 Comments

Time to move The Elf on The Shelf. Here are easy ideas.

Let’s just get something clear: I hate The Elf on The Shelf. There, I said it. And yes, we all know that I love channeling Martha Stewart at the holidays and I’ve been known to bake thousands of Christmas cookies from November to December but that doesn’t mean I have willingly participated in this Elf […]

Filed Under: Holly Daze Tagged With: Christmas

This Is What I’d Tell My High School Self (Spoiler: Chin Hair Is Coming)

October 28, 2018 By Christine 4 Comments

This is what I'd tell my high school self.

A friend tagged me in a post on Facebook and my face stared in disbelief as I read her comments. “Hi everyone! It’s that time! That’s right: it’s been 25 years since we graduated from high school and we are planning a reunion this summer!” That can’t possibly be correct. Twenty-five years? Has it really […]

Filed Under: Parenting My Way Tagged With: memories, what the hell

Listen Up, Parents: Success Looks Different On Every Kid, Okay?

October 21, 2018 By Christine 2 Comments

Success looks different for every teenager.

As I sipped hot coffee in a café, I listened to my friend detail the latest in her son’s journey towards college admission. Because her son is interested in attending the same university my son wants to attend in a few years, I was curious to learn the ins and outs of the application process. […]

Filed Under: Parenting My Way Tagged With: teens

Letting My Kids Go On A Ski Mountain Will Make It Easier Later (I Hope)

October 14, 2018 By Christine 1 Comment

A ski mountain is a metaphor for parenting.

As I stand at the top of the mountain, I can barely see my teens in the distance. In fact, as I watch their brightly colored coats zig zag along the crisp white snow, I take a deep breath and pull down my snow goggles. Tentatively, I inch myself forward and feel gravity start to […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough Tagged With: motherhood

Teens Can’t Limit Screen Time And It’s Your Fault, Parents (Yes, Really)

October 10, 2018 By Christine Leave a Comment

Teens won't limit screen time if parents don't do it, too.

It starts before the sun has even broken on the horizon. The sleep barely gone from my eyes, I reach for my phone to see what time it is, I tell myself, even though I have a clock on my nightstand. Emails. Texts. Facebook. Instagram. It’s been a mere 8 hours since I last visited my […]

Filed Under: Parenting My Way Tagged With: parenting

I Wasn’t Prepared For My Son’s Grown Up Smile

September 23, 2018 By Christine Leave a Comment

My son has a grown up smile.

We paused outside of the orthodontist’s office for one last picture of my son with his braces. Today was two and a half years in the making: his braces were finally coming off. Though he’s used to me documenting his childhood milestones with silly selfies and pictures of him with his friends, my son still […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough Tagged With: motherhood

I’ll Never Be A Broadway Actress And I’m Okay With That (I’m Lying)

September 18, 2018 By Christine 1 Comment

When I was six, I landed the acting role of a lifetime: I was cast as the lead in the critically acclaimed The Little White Rabbit Who Wanted Red Wings. From what I’m told (read: according to my mother), I not only knew my lines inside out and backwards but also the rest of the […]

Filed Under: Keeper Approved Tagged With: friendship, memories

Sorry, Not Sorry, Kids: I’m Not Paying For You To “Find Yourself” In College

September 9, 2018 By Christine 3 Comments

I'm not paying for you to find yourself.

Hubby and I started saving for the Fruit Loops’ college educations within months of their births. We researched the best ways to invest college funds, started 529accounts for both children and we crunched numbers. We realized pretty early on that it was going to cost some serious cash for our kids to attend a state school, […]

Filed Under: Parenting My Way Tagged With: parenting

I Hope My Teenagers Realize How Important Siblings Really Are

September 2, 2018 By Christine 1 Comment

I hope my teenager will always be close.

One of my favorite photos of my kids was taken when my son was four and my daughter was two. They are sitting side by side, with their backs to the camera, playing in the sand on the beach. She’s wearing a pink sun hat and he’s wearing an orange fisherman’s hat. While you can’t […]

Filed Under: Parenting My Way Tagged With: parenting

When Your Teen Is Testing Your Patience, It Makes You Miss “Time Out”

August 26, 2018 By Christine 2 Comments

Teens test our patience.

Everyone tells you toddlers are a lot of work. The minute you announce you are pregnant, in fact, people start warning you that the toddler years are fraught with tantrums and noisy outbursts over unpeeled apples and socks that feel funny. Three year olds have just enough vocabulary to make it very clear that they […]

Filed Under: Parenting My Way Tagged With: motherhood

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The Keeper on Instagram!

fruitloopkeeper

Nurse. Wife. Mom. Runner. Blogger. Writer. Thrift Shop Junkie. Sauvignon Blanc Snob.
Social Media Manager for @hermoneymedia and @jeanchatzky.

It’s time to let the world swallow your whole s It’s time to let the world swallow your  whole self, bitchachos. And you can hand the haters a glass of milk if they are having trouble. #bringit #momtruth #parentingtruth #iamwhoiam #nojoke #mywholeself
Can we all agree that our pets are the real winner Can we all agree that our pets are the real winners of the quarantine?
For six months, this dog has had four people to cuddle her, give her treats, and take her for walks at the drop of a hat. And she does not care if she interrupts a Zoom call to protect us from the UPS guy.
And, yes, she’s been forced to take more selfies than she’d like but sorry not sorry, #daisytheshihtzu.
What are these pets gonna do if we ever have to go back to “real” life?
#petsofinstagram #shihtzusofinstagram #shihtzulovers #shihtzusgram_feature #quarantinelife #petsofquarantine #lifewithdaisy
No words. RIP, #rbg. Fly with the angels and rest No words. RIP, #rbg. Fly with the angels and rest easy. We won’t let you down. Also? SOMEONE FIND BETTY WHITE RIGHT NOW. #ruthbaderginsburg #suckit2020 #wtf #notoriousrbg #ruthbaderginsburgismyhero
When I was thinking about how I wanted to write ab When I was thinking about how I wanted to write about eczema for a project with @mediqcme, I was reminded of a time a few years ago when I had the world’s worst case of poison ivy.
After a marathon session of gardening, I’d managed to swipe a huge swath of poison ivy oil across my chest, left flank, and left side of my face.
Within days, I was in agony: huge, weeping crusted pustules covered my body and as the days turned into weeks, my skin screamed at me for attention at every given moment.
I couldn’t sleep.
I couldn’t wear my favorite clothing because my lesions were constantly weeping.
And then came the steroids.
That’s when the real hell began. I’m a high energy person without the aid of stimulants (I really should switch to decaf, I know) and steroids make me a next-level handful, trust me.
For six weeks, every decision I made revolved around my skin: how to sit comfortably, what position made sleep come more easily, even bathing became a chore because nothing helped allay the itch that seemed to come from the inside out.
I was miserable, yes, but thankfully, I eventually healed and soon forgot about my six weeks of poison ivy hell.
But, 9-year-old Elizabeth told me that living with atopic dermatitis means that itching from the inside out is a way of life for her and, in her words, itchy skin makes her feel “bad” most of the time.
Head to my IG stories to read more about life with #atopicdermatitis and how it affects almost 31 million Americans (10 million of which are kids).
#itchyskinhelp #chroniceczema #eczema #eczemarelief #atopicdermatitistreatment
Why is it that when the temp dips to 50 degrees in Why is it that when the temp dips to 50 degrees in September, I can’t wait to wear sweaters and scarves but, in April, I’m pretty much wearing shorts and tank tops?
#hardhittingquestions #fallproblems #sweaterweather #falllife #fallfashion #fallvibes #conundrum #yorkbeach #yorkbeachme
Do you have eczema? Does someone you know and love Do you have eczema? Does someone you know and love have atopic dermatitis, a chronic skin condition that affects more than 31 million Americans? 

Join me Tuesday, September 15 at 2p EST for a very special FB live conversation about Atopic Dermatitis with Dr. Peter Lio, Asst. Professor of Dermatology and Pediatrics at @northwesternu. 

We will be discussing what atopic dermatitis is, how it affects families, and the resources that you can trust if you, your kids, or family members are navigating a new (or ongoing) atopic dermatitis diagnosis.

Bring your questions because we will be answering them live!

Special thanks to @mediqcme for making this discussion possible!
#itchyskinhelp
On the day my son was born, my father sent us a ca On the day my son was born, my father sent us a card.
“You’ll always remember the firsts but the lasts are the most precious,” he wrote.
She’s our last.
She was the last baby to walk with her fat feet on our hardwood floors.
She was the last one to go to kindergarten.
She was the one who napped on the go as her brother attended Mommy and Me classes and soccer practices.
She was the last one to have a single digit birthday in our house.
But for all of the firsts that have been afforded to her brother, she’s our first in so many ways.
She’s the first one to navigate freshman year during a hybrid school system in the midst of a pandemic.
She’s the first one to forge her way on a cross country team with teammates who have never had to race virtually.
She’s the first one to have had to face a high school career that looks infinitely different than the one her brother (a senior) has enjoyed.
She’s our last, yes.
But she’s the one who is teaching us to savor the moments when we get to see her race on the track while we wear masks and socially distance.
She’s the one who is brave enough to lean in to hybrid learning, mask and all, so that we can figure out how best to educate our kids in the coming years.
And, yes, she’s our last one to go to high school but she’s the first one to teach us what we really need to know in the midst of a pandemic.
The lastest really is the bestest.
#lifewithteens
Let’s face it: I’m all in on the bullshit. (Th Let’s face it: I’m all in on the bullshit. (Thanks, @modernmommymadness for being all about the bullshit, too.) #backtoschool #parentingteens #momofteens #motherhoodunplugged #parenting #pandemicparenting #quaranteens #bullshitquotes #allaboutthebullshit #keeperofthefruitloops
School starts tomorrow and I am READY, bitchachos. School starts tomorrow and I am READY, bitchachos. 💪🏻🍷📚#backtoschool #letsdothis #itsgonnatakeavineyard #covidclassroom #covidclassof2021 #quaranteens #momofteens #parentingteens #senioryear🎓 #freshmanyear
Well played, universe. (via: @ramblinma) #momoftee Well played, universe. (via: @ramblinma) #momofteenagers #parentingteens #motherhoodunplugged #momofteens #momtruth #wtf #keeperofthefruitloops #teenagers🙄 #sendhelp
So. I did a thing today. I went to a NASCAR race. So.
I did a thing today.
I went to a NASCAR race.
My first.
During a pandemic.
I know, I can't believe it, either.
But, when you are married to a man who eats, sleeps, and breathes cars, eventually you come to a point in your marriage when you realize that a trip to a major speedway is a marital inevitability.
I managed to avoid it for 21 years but today was the day.
And I have thoughts, in no particular order:
1). I was not prepared for the noise of the engines. And by "noise," I mean the constant reverberation deep into your soul for three. solid. hours. Loud does not begin to cover it.
2). I watched 38 cars whizz by me 301 times. I enjoyed seeing #43 drive by 301 times. Car #32? Not so much (#32 finished 35th. I was fine with that).
3). Every single person in the grandstands complied with the mask restrictions. It's not that hard, people. I watched thousands of people do it today. You can, too.
4). We didn't see a single confederate flag. #FistBumpNASCAR 
5). I couldn't hear a thing my family said for three hours. Actually, almost four hours. This was a major bonus.
6). Earplugs are necessary. Again, see #5.
7). The universe did me a solid and provided me with an overcast day as I did my "wifely duty" and pretended to be interested in the parade of cars that monotonously sped by me every thirty seconds. If it had been 100 degrees (like it apparently was last year), this status would be very different.
8). 301 laps takes a really long time. Like, a really long time.
9). I think NASCAR would have a bigger fan base if they served frozé wine and provided charcuterie. Hear me out on this, NASCAR.
10). Watching my husband and Fruit Loop #1 scream at each other (because noise and ear plugs) and gesticulate wildly at whatever was happening on the track while they soaked in their first NASCAR race together made it all worth it. I think. #PleaseLetUsHaveUsedEnoughHandSanitizer.
#nascar #loudonspeedway #newhampshiremotorspeedway #nascarracing #nascarlife
Well behaved women never make history...or some sh Well behaved women never make history...or some shit like that. 😏 
#motherhoodunplugged #momtruth #nevershutup #keeperofthefruitloops #mouthybitch #speakyourtruth #speakup
143 days. I took this picture 143 days ago. I was 143 days.
I took this picture 143 days ago.
I was in Palm Springs and I had taken a tram ride with @mommybacktalk to San Jacinto National Park.
We hiked several miles for this view and I remember feeling relaxed and free of stress.
We were in PS to attend a conference and the whispers of an unknown virus were starting to swell.
“A virus out of China.”
“There’s no vaccine and it’s highly contagious. It could become a pandemic.”
“Wait. Corona is a beer...”
Though we didn’t shake hands with attendees, for the most part, we went about the business of “normal” life.
At a dinner with @monicagsakala and @mommybacktalk, we threw back glasses of wine and talked long into the night over gourmet macaroni and cheese that tasted like actual heaven on a fork.
We talked about politics, current events, and books we loved. No stories about kids, no griping about husbands. Just intelligent, stimulating conversation that I now realize was going to become a lifeline only a few weeks later.
I have no pictures of that dinner.
Just the memory of being with two good friends when life didn’t feel so fractured.
Now those friends are hours away, whether by car or plane, and I think about that night in CA almost every day.
The me from 143 days ago had no idea what was coming.
The me at the top of the mountain in the picture didn’t know that she should have savored the fresh air more, that she should have relished what it was like to be one in a crowd on a tram headed to scenic vistas.
I’ve been quiet here on IG because everything feels too much.
I’ve been trying to keep my family safe and maintain what’s left of my sanity in a world that feels prickly and dangerous.
I’ve been wearing a mask, using hand sanitizer, and obsessively watching the news for a sign that we are all going to be okay.
I’ve been looking for small pockets of joy in the middle of the dumpster fire that life has become.
And, I’m realizing that we are all climbing one hell of a mountain, together.
And, at some point, the view is going to be gorgeous.
We just have to keep climbing.
No matter how much our legs are telling us it's too hard to go on.
#keepclimbing
My old life was exhausting...what parts of your pr My old life was exhausting...what parts of your pre-quarantine life are you not going back to when your community opens up fully? @mommyneedsalife #quarantinelife #quarantineandchill #lifewithteens #parenting #parentingteens #momtruth #momhumor #momlife #motherhoodunplugged❤️
It was clear from the start that my kids got a goo It was clear from the start that my kids got a good one. ❤️ #happyfathersday2020 #pandemicparenting #lifewithteens #parentingteens #dadlifeisthebestlife #fathersday #fathersday2020 #quarantinelife
It’s not you, it’s me. Probably. @natecomedy # It’s not you, it’s me. Probably. @natecomedy #quarantinelife #pandemichumor😄 #lifewithteens #lifewithteenagers #momofteens #parentingteens #howcanimissyouifyouwontgoaway #momtruth #motherhoodunplugged
“Mom? Can I hang out with my friends tonight? I “Mom? Can I hang out with  my friends tonight? I need a ride.”
Those words seemed to be on auto repeat last summer.
He had a social life.
I had the driver’s license.
He wanted to stay a half hour later.
I gave him all kinds of hell for upending my evening so that he could hang for a bit more with his friends.
But then he bought his car.
And passed his driver’s test not long after.
My car hasn’t found him folding his lanky frame into the passenger seat in almost a year.
I miss seeing him there.
Tonight, I wanted to see my friends for a couple of socially distanced glasses of wine and I didn’t want to drive.
“Hey, I’d like to hang out with my friends tonight. Can you give me a ride?” I said to him.
And of course, he took every opportunity to give me a dose of my own medicine in jest:
“You know, I have plans this evening, too, Mom.”
“I want you outside by 830p because I’ll be waiting.”
“No, you can’t stay til 9, I don’t care what the other moms are doing.”
It was a full circle moment.
After he picked me up and we swung by the local ice cream shop so he could get a treat for him and his sister, we drove home with the windows down on a summer night.
For a few moments, it was like old times.
I’ve missed him, even though we’ve been home together for months in quarantine.
And when Def Leppard blared on the radio and he dialed it up while singing every word, I remembered what it was like to be seventeen. @joe_burke0227 
#lifewithteens #momofteens #quarantinelife #quaranteens #pandemiclife #parentinginquarantine #momtruth #motherhoodunplugged #momofteenslife
We can get new backpacks and lunch boxes, too, rig We can get new backpacks and lunch boxes, too, right? @ellie_schnitt #pandemic2020 #pandemiclife #quarantinelife #quarantineandchill #workfromhomemom #workfromhomelife #momofteens
#blackoutday2020 #blackoutday2020
Moms are gonna drop it like it’s hot, yo. #tgif Moms are gonna drop it like it’s hot, yo. #tgif #thankgoditsfriday #pandemiclife #quarantineandchill #quarantineandchill2020 #momlife #momtruth #lifewithteensandtweens #lifewithteens #letsgetthispartystarted🎉 #quarantinesucks😷
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