It starts before the sun has even broken on the horizon. The sleep barely gone from my eyes, I reach for my phone to see what time it is, I tell myself, even though I have a clock on my nightstand. Emails. Texts. Facebook. Instagram. It’s been a mere 8 hours since I last visited my […]
Sorry, Not Sorry, Kids: I’m Not Paying For You To “Find Yourself” In College
Hubby and I started saving for the Fruit Loops’ college educations within months of their births. We researched the best ways to invest college funds, started 529accounts for both children and we crunched numbers. We realized pretty early on that it was going to cost some serious cash for our kids to attend a state school, […]
I Hope My Teenagers Realize How Important Siblings Really Are
One of my favorite photos of my kids was taken when my son was four and my daughter was two. They are sitting side by side, with their backs to the camera, playing in the sand on the beach. She’s wearing a pink sun hat and he’s wearing an orange fisherman’s hat. While you can’t […]
When Your Teen Is Testing Your Patience, It Makes You Miss “Time Out”
Everyone tells you toddlers are a lot of work. The minute you announce you are pregnant, in fact, people start warning you that the toddler years are fraught with tantrums and noisy outbursts over unpeeled apples and socks that feel funny. Three year olds have just enough vocabulary to make it very clear that they […]
If I’m Being Totally Honest, I’m Jealous AF of My Teenagers
As I entered the family room, I marveled at just how much space my teenage son now takes up on the couch. His legs sprawled towards the carpet and his shock of curly, unwashed hair brushed his forehead as his face scowled at the phone in his hands. He’d been there for hours, too: due […]
I Totally Win At Thrift Shopping (and You Can, Too, With These Five Tips)
When Hubby and I first started out, we had nary a pot in which to piddle. Zip. Zero. Zilch. No moolah boolah whatsoever. In fact, in the now outdated VHS of our wedding ceremony, Hubby can be seen giggling, actually giggling, through the “for richer or poorer” section of our vows. The man had to […]
I Met My Writing Hero Thirty Years After We Met At Sweet Valley High
When I was ten, my family moved to the Lone Star State. For a Yankee girl like myself, the transition was anything but smooth. My clothes were wrong, my accent sounded foreign to the kids at school and I missed my friends terribly. Throw in glasses, braces and a wicked case of acne and, well, […]
The Day A Car Accident Made Me Realize I Was A Douchebag
You know how sometimes Life tries to quietly teach you a lesson and you ignore it? And then Life tries a little louder to teach you that lesson and you swat it away like an annoying fly? And THEN Life yells REALLY REALLY loudly and gets all up in your business and you get all […]
Hey, Moms? We Don’t Have To Fight With Each Other
There’s a battle raging in this country, people. And it’s serious. Serious as a heart attack. No, it doesn’t involve Congress and it does not involve Mexican cartels and the drug trade. It has nothing to do with guns on the streets or with organic, genetically perfect foods. Nor does it have to do with […]
News Flash: America Really IS Great And We Are All Pretty Terrific
A few weeks ago, I hit the open road with the Fruit Loops. In the wee hours of the morning, with the Fruit Loops snoozing in the back and a hot cup of coffee in my hand, I loaded up the family truckster to visit friends in Minnesota. Yes, Minnesota. Yes, people actually live there. Yes, […]
The 8 Moms You’ll Meet At The Pool This Summer
Summer is here which means we are all knee deep in camps, summer reading lists and generalized boredom by about ten in the morning. On the first day of summer vacation, I always have the best of intentions. Really, I do. We will go to the beach! We will see all the museums! We will go to […]
Five Things That Annoy Moms At The Grocery Store
Last week, I posted this update on my Facebook page about grocery shopping: And I was overwhelmed by how many of you commented that I’m not the only one who has a borderline psychosis about how I do my grocery shopping. I was both amused and appalled at what a group of weirdos we […]
The Seven Moms In A Group Text
If you have kids in the modern age of parenting, chances are, you’ve participated in at least one group text. Whether it’s coordinating a play date, a Ladies’ Night Out or organizing a complicated carpool routine, texting takes on a whole new level of hell when you have multiple people expressing opinions. And, often, the […]
A Chick Can Buy A Car Without A Dude. Really.
A few weeks ago, I got into a huge argument. There was yelling. Loud yelling, in fact. There were wild gesticulations. Eyes were rolled, fingers were pointed and the argument culminated in my opponent yelling, “Kiddo, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?? You were so much nicer yesterday!!!!”. Now, one would think this argument happened between […]
Who Is The Keeper Of The Fruit Loops?
Since it’s looking like after three years, over 100 posts, close to 50 freelance articles AND three essays published in anthologies that this blogging thing might be a regular gig, I feel compelled to introduce myself to those of you reading (all 400 of you who subscribe…if you are reading and you haven’t subscribed, stop […]
Don’t Talk To My Kids About Politics. That’s MY Job.
On the whole, I’m a good person. Really, I am. I recycle, I pay it forward and I practice random acts of kindness. I smile at strangers, I hold doors open for people and I will even let you merge ahead of me on the highway (though, I do give you the finger if you […]
I Wear A Bikini At 40 And You Should, Too
I am a mom and I have the body to prove it. My boobs are full, I have a C section scar and frankly, I haven’t seen my abs since 2002. I have stretch marks on my thighs, my waist and under my arms (seriously, what is THAT about?). My thighs are like tree trunks […]
Fruit Loop #1’s Five Stages of Mom Fury
“Mom, I have something I want to discuss with you. And I don’t want you to say no. And I want you to hear me out. And I want you to keep an open mind, okay?”. With these words, Fruit Loop #1 looked at me from the passenger seat of the car with his hazel […]