There’s a battle raging in this country, people. And it’s serious. Serious as a heart attack. No, it doesn’t involve Congress and it does not involve Mexican cartels and the drug trade. It has nothing to do with guns on the streets or with organic, genetically perfect foods. Nor does it have to do with […]
News Flash: America Really IS Great And We Are All Pretty Terrific
A few weeks ago, I hit the open road with the Fruit Loops. In the wee hours of the morning, with the Fruit Loops snoozing in the back and a hot cup of coffee in my hand, I loaded up the family truckster to visit friends in Minnesota. Yes, Minnesota. Yes, people actually live there. Yes, […]
The 8 Moms You’ll Meet At The Pool This Summer
Summer is here which means we are all knee deep in camps, summer reading lists and generalized boredom by about ten in the morning. On the first day of summer vacation, I always have the best of intentions. Really, I do. We will go to the beach! We will see all the museums! We will go to […]
Five Things That Annoy Moms At The Grocery Store
Last week, I posted this update on my Facebook page about grocery shopping: And I was overwhelmed by how many of you commented that I’m not the only one who has a borderline psychosis about how I do my grocery shopping. I was both amused and appalled at what a group of weirdos we […]
The Seven Moms In A Group Text
If you have kids in the modern age of parenting, chances are, you’ve participated in at least one group text. Whether it’s coordinating a play date, a Ladies’ Night Out or organizing a complicated carpool routine, texting takes on a whole new level of hell when you have multiple people expressing opinions. And, often, the […]
A Chick Can Buy A Car Without A Dude. Really.
A few weeks ago, I got into a huge argument. There was yelling. Loud yelling, in fact. There were wild gesticulations. Eyes were rolled, fingers were pointed and the argument culminated in my opponent yelling, “Kiddo, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?? You were so much nicer yesterday!!!!”. Now, one would think this argument happened between […]
Who Is The Keeper Of The Fruit Loops?
Since it’s looking like after three years, over 100 posts, close to 50 freelance articles AND three essays published in anthologies that this blogging thing might be a regular gig, I feel compelled to introduce myself to those of you reading (all 400 of you who subscribe…if you are reading and you haven’t subscribed, stop […]
Don’t Talk To My Kids About Politics. That’s MY Job.
On the whole, I’m a good person. Really, I am. I recycle, I pay it forward and I practice random acts of kindness. I smile at strangers, I hold doors open for people and I will even let you merge ahead of me on the highway (though, I do give you the finger if you […]
I Wear A Bikini At 40 And You Should, Too
I am a mom and I have the body to prove it. My boobs are full, I have a C section scar and frankly, I haven’t seen my abs since 2002. I have stretch marks on my thighs, my waist and under my arms (seriously, what is THAT about?). My thighs are like tree trunks […]
Fruit Loop #1’s Five Stages of Mom Fury
“Mom, I have something I want to discuss with you. And I don’t want you to say no. And I want you to hear me out. And I want you to keep an open mind, okay?”. With these words, Fruit Loop #1 looked at me from the passenger seat of the car with his hazel […]
Don’t Ask Me For My Babysitter’s Name. DON’T.
I’m a giver. I share better than any three year old. Really. Ask my friends. I give advice (almost never unsolicited), I give fabulous presents and I give of my time like nobody’s business (two words: PTA President). If you need me, I’m there for you, no questions asked. And, if you are one of […]
My Apology: My Tween Can’t Say “I’m Sorry” And It’s My Fault
On a hot summer night last year, you defied me. You begged to be allowed to walk down to an ice cream shop with your younger sister in the small beach town where we were vacationing. “I’m twelve now, Mom,” you pleaded, “almost thirteen. Come on, please?” After a bit of discussion, your father and […]
The Day I Realized I Shouldn’t Fix My Tween’s Problems
On that warm summer night, as I caught a glimpse of Fruit Loop #1, I knew. He was standing across the yard, holding a plastic plate filled with summer party food and holding a red plastic cup. The sun hit his twelve year old hair in just a way that I could see the blonde […]
Are You Team Toddler or Team Tween?
When you become a parent, there’s just so much you don’t know. SO. MUCH. And, in those first few years, you wander around deliriously tired, chase after little people who break all of your previously nice things and wonder how exactly every item of clothing you own is covered in spit up. You suffer through […]
Our Parents Had It Easy. And I’m Jealous.
The other day, I got the dreaded “Your phone storage is almost full” message and realized it was time to clean up my phone. Read: it was time to play “Press Your Luck” over which apps I could keep, how many photos to delete and just exactly how many text messages were necessary. No whammies, […]
My Teen Asked Me About A Sex Act While I Was Driving
I knew this day would come as I had been warned by those who had gone before me. He’s going to ask someday. She’s going to have questions. You need to get your story straight. You have to be *prepared* because you’ll be caught with your pants down when the Fruit Loops ask about the […]
Hubby Doesn’t Need Training. He’s Not A Dog.
A few weeks ago, I was helping a group of moms get a classroom party organized. As we passed out holiday appropriate paper plates and organic snacks, we chit chatted about our days, our kids and of course, we bitched about our husbands. We bitched about how they are clueless sometimes. How their aim in […]
It’s Okay If You Screamed At The Kids Before That “Perfect” Photo
I met her on a September night in 2008. She had kind eyes and a smile on her small face. I was new at the whole PTA mom thing. She was a seasoned pro, the experienced committee mom. And she made me feel welcomed at my first PTA meeting. Included. Over the course of the […]