Keeper of the Fruit Loops

I am The Keeper of The Fruit Loops, Manager of the Fecal Roster and the Driver of the People Mover. In other words, I'm a mom.

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Teens Can’t Limit Screen Time And It’s Your Fault, Parents (Yes, Really)

October 10, 2018 By Christine Leave a Comment

Teens won't limit screen time if parents don't do it, too.

It starts before the sun has even broken on the horizon. The sleep barely gone from my eyes, I reach for my phone to see what time it is, I tell myself, even though I have a clock on my nightstand. Emails. Texts. Facebook. Instagram. It’s been a mere 8 hours since I last visited my […]

Filed Under: Parenting My Way Tagged With: parenting

Sorry, Not Sorry, Kids: I’m Not Paying For You To “Find Yourself” In College

September 9, 2018 By Christine 3 Comments

I'm not paying for you to find yourself.

Hubby and I started saving for the Fruit Loops’ college educations within months of their births. We researched the best ways to invest college funds, started 529accounts for both children and we crunched numbers. We realized pretty early on that it was going to cost some serious cash for our kids to attend a state school, […]

Filed Under: Parenting My Way Tagged With: parenting

I Hope My Teenagers Realize How Important Siblings Really Are

September 2, 2018 By Christine 1 Comment

I hope my teenager will always be close.

One of my favorite photos of my kids was taken when my son was four and my daughter was two. They are sitting side by side, with their backs to the camera, playing in the sand on the beach. She’s wearing a pink sun hat and he’s wearing an orange fisherman’s hat. While you can’t […]

Filed Under: Parenting My Way Tagged With: parenting

When Your Teen Is Testing Your Patience, It Makes You Miss “Time Out”

August 26, 2018 By Christine 2 Comments

Teens test our patience.

Everyone tells you toddlers are a lot of work. The minute you announce you are pregnant, in fact, people start warning you that the toddler years are fraught with tantrums and noisy outbursts over unpeeled apples and socks that feel funny. Three year olds have just enough vocabulary to make it very clear that they […]

Filed Under: Parenting My Way Tagged With: motherhood

If I’m Being Totally Honest, I’m Jealous AF of My Teenagers

August 21, 2018 By Christine 2 Comments

I am jealous of my teens.

As I entered the family room, I marveled at just how much space my teenage son now takes up on the couch. His legs sprawled towards the carpet and his shock of curly, unwashed hair brushed his forehead as his face scowled at the phone in his hands. He’d been there for hours, too: due […]

Filed Under: Parenting My Way Tagged With: parenting

I Totally Win At Thrift Shopping (and You Can, Too, With These Five Tips)

June 3, 2018 By Christine 4 Comments

Thrift shopping is fun

When Hubby and I first started out, we had nary a pot in which to piddle. Zip. Zero. Zilch. No moolah boolah whatsoever. In fact, in the now outdated VHS of our wedding ceremony, Hubby can be seen giggling, actually giggling, through the “for richer or poorer” section of our vows. The man had to […]

Filed Under: Parenting My Way Tagged With: Suck It

I Met My Writing Hero Thirty Years After We Met At Sweet Valley High

May 11, 2018 By Christine 1 Comment

When I was ten, my family moved to the Lone Star State. For a Yankee girl like myself, the transition was anything but smooth. My clothes were wrong, my accent sounded foreign to the kids at school and I missed my friends terribly. Throw in glasses, braces and a wicked case of acne and, well, […]

Filed Under: Parenting My Way Tagged With: memories

The Day A Car Accident Made Me Realize I Was A Douchebag

April 29, 2018 By Christine 1 Comment

You know how sometimes Life tries to quietly teach you a lesson and you ignore it?  And then Life tries a little louder to teach you that lesson and you swat it away like an annoying fly?  And THEN Life yells REALLY REALLY loudly and gets all up in your business and you get all […]

Filed Under: Behind Closed Doors, Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way Tagged With: accident, brick wall

Hey, Moms? We Don’t Have To Fight With Each Other

June 17, 2017 By Christine 6 Comments

There’s a battle raging in this country, people. And it’s serious. Serious as a heart attack. No, it doesn’t involve Congress and it does not involve Mexican cartels and the drug trade.  It has nothing to do with guns on the streets or with organic, genetically perfect foods. Nor does it have to do with […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way Tagged With: mean moms, moms, swords

News Flash: America Really IS Great And We Are All Pretty Terrific

September 8, 2016 By Christine 5 Comments

America is great

A few weeks ago, I hit the open road with the Fruit Loops. In the wee hours of the morning, with the Fruit Loops snoozing in the back and a hot cup of coffee in my hand, I loaded up the family truckster to visit friends in Minnesota. Yes, Minnesota. Yes, people actually live there. Yes, […]

Filed Under: Parenting My Way

The 8 Moms You’ll Meet At The Pool This Summer

July 18, 2016 By Christine 3 Comments

Woman on raft in red bikini in pool

Summer is here which means we are all knee deep in camps, summer reading lists and generalized boredom by about ten in the morning. On the first day of summer vacation, I always have the best of intentions. Really, I do. We will go to the beach! We will see all the museums! We will go to […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way Tagged With: moms, pools, summer

Five Things That Annoy Moms At The Grocery Store

May 16, 2016 By Christine 9 Comments

Last week, I posted this update on my Facebook page about grocery shopping:   And I was overwhelmed by how many of you commented that I’m not the only one who has a borderline psychosis about how I do my grocery shopping.  I was both amused and appalled at what a group of weirdos we […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way Tagged With: grocery shopping

The Seven Moms In A Group Text

April 28, 2016 By Christine Leave a Comment

If you have kids in the modern age of parenting, chances are, you’ve participated in at least one group text.  Whether it’s coordinating a play date, a Ladies’ Night Out or organizing a complicated carpool routine, texting takes on a whole new level of hell when you have multiple people expressing opinions.  And, often, the […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way Tagged With: carpool hell, group texts, moms

A Chick Can Buy A Car Without A Dude. Really.

March 31, 2016 By Christine 5 Comments

A few weeks ago, I got into a huge argument. There was yelling. Loud yelling, in fact. There were wild gesticulations. Eyes were rolled, fingers were pointed and the argument culminated in my opponent yelling, “Kiddo, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?? You were so much nicer yesterday!!!!”. Now, one would think this argument happened between […]

Filed Under: Parenting My Way, People Who Suck Tagged With: car sales, don't call me kiddo

Who Is The Keeper Of The Fruit Loops?

March 12, 2016 By Christine 10 Comments

Since it’s looking like after three years, over 100 posts, close to 50 freelance articles AND three essays published in anthologies that this blogging thing might be a regular gig,  I feel compelled to introduce myself to those of you reading (all 400 of you who subscribe…if you are reading and you haven’t subscribed, stop […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way, The Keeper News Tagged With: new kid on the blog

Don’t Talk To My Kids About Politics. That’s MY Job.

March 9, 2016 By Christine 12 Comments

On the whole, I’m a good person. Really, I am. I recycle, I pay it forward and I practice random acts of kindness. I smile at strangers, I hold doors open for people and I will even let you merge ahead of me on the highway (though, I do give you the finger if you […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way, People Who Suck

I Wear A Bikini At 40 And You Should, Too

February 25, 2016 By Christine 5 Comments

I am a mom and I have the body to prove it. My boobs are full, I have a C section scar and frankly, I haven’t seen my abs since 2002. I have stretch marks on my thighs, my waist and under my arms (seriously, what is THAT about?). My thighs are like tree trunks […]

Filed Under: Behind Closed Doors, Parenting My Way Tagged With: bikini, body image, mom body

Fruit Loop #1’s Five Stages of Mom Fury

February 15, 2016 By Christine 16 Comments

“Mom, I have something I want to discuss with you.  And I don’t want you to say no.  And I want you to hear me out.  And I want you to keep an open mind, okay?”. With these words, Fruit Loop #1 looked at me from the passenger seat of the car with his hazel […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way, The Fruit Loops Speak Tagged With: mom fury, opinionated fruit loops, parenting

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The Keeper on Instagram!

fruitloopkeeper

Nurse. Wife. Mom. Runner. Blogger. Writer. Thrift Shop Junkie. Sauvignon Blanc Snob.
Social Media Manager for @hermoneymedia and @jeanchatzky.

It’s time to let the world swallow your whole s It’s time to let the world swallow your  whole self, bitchachos. And you can hand the haters a glass of milk if they are having trouble. #bringit #momtruth #parentingtruth #iamwhoiam #nojoke #mywholeself
Can we all agree that our pets are the real winner Can we all agree that our pets are the real winners of the quarantine?
For six months, this dog has had four people to cuddle her, give her treats, and take her for walks at the drop of a hat. And she does not care if she interrupts a Zoom call to protect us from the UPS guy.
And, yes, she’s been forced to take more selfies than she’d like but sorry not sorry, #daisytheshihtzu.
What are these pets gonna do if we ever have to go back to “real” life?
#petsofinstagram #shihtzusofinstagram #shihtzulovers #shihtzusgram_feature #quarantinelife #petsofquarantine #lifewithdaisy
No words. RIP, #rbg. Fly with the angels and rest No words. RIP, #rbg. Fly with the angels and rest easy. We won’t let you down. Also? SOMEONE FIND BETTY WHITE RIGHT NOW. #ruthbaderginsburg #suckit2020 #wtf #notoriousrbg #ruthbaderginsburgismyhero
When I was thinking about how I wanted to write ab When I was thinking about how I wanted to write about eczema for a project with @mediqcme, I was reminded of a time a few years ago when I had the world’s worst case of poison ivy.
After a marathon session of gardening, I’d managed to swipe a huge swath of poison ivy oil across my chest, left flank, and left side of my face.
Within days, I was in agony: huge, weeping crusted pustules covered my body and as the days turned into weeks, my skin screamed at me for attention at every given moment.
I couldn’t sleep.
I couldn’t wear my favorite clothing because my lesions were constantly weeping.
And then came the steroids.
That’s when the real hell began. I’m a high energy person without the aid of stimulants (I really should switch to decaf, I know) and steroids make me a next-level handful, trust me.
For six weeks, every decision I made revolved around my skin: how to sit comfortably, what position made sleep come more easily, even bathing became a chore because nothing helped allay the itch that seemed to come from the inside out.
I was miserable, yes, but thankfully, I eventually healed and soon forgot about my six weeks of poison ivy hell.
But, 9-year-old Elizabeth told me that living with atopic dermatitis means that itching from the inside out is a way of life for her and, in her words, itchy skin makes her feel “bad” most of the time.
Head to my IG stories to read more about life with #atopicdermatitis and how it affects almost 31 million Americans (10 million of which are kids).
#itchyskinhelp #chroniceczema #eczema #eczemarelief #atopicdermatitistreatment
Why is it that when the temp dips to 50 degrees in Why is it that when the temp dips to 50 degrees in September, I can’t wait to wear sweaters and scarves but, in April, I’m pretty much wearing shorts and tank tops?
#hardhittingquestions #fallproblems #sweaterweather #falllife #fallfashion #fallvibes #conundrum #yorkbeach #yorkbeachme
Do you have eczema? Does someone you know and love Do you have eczema? Does someone you know and love have atopic dermatitis, a chronic skin condition that affects more than 31 million Americans? 

Join me Tuesday, September 15 at 2p EST for a very special FB live conversation about Atopic Dermatitis with Dr. Peter Lio, Asst. Professor of Dermatology and Pediatrics at @northwesternu. 

We will be discussing what atopic dermatitis is, how it affects families, and the resources that you can trust if you, your kids, or family members are navigating a new (or ongoing) atopic dermatitis diagnosis.

Bring your questions because we will be answering them live!

Special thanks to @mediqcme for making this discussion possible!
#itchyskinhelp
On the day my son was born, my father sent us a ca On the day my son was born, my father sent us a card.
“You’ll always remember the firsts but the lasts are the most precious,” he wrote.
She’s our last.
She was the last baby to walk with her fat feet on our hardwood floors.
She was the last one to go to kindergarten.
She was the one who napped on the go as her brother attended Mommy and Me classes and soccer practices.
She was the last one to have a single digit birthday in our house.
But for all of the firsts that have been afforded to her brother, she’s our first in so many ways.
She’s the first one to navigate freshman year during a hybrid school system in the midst of a pandemic.
She’s the first one to forge her way on a cross country team with teammates who have never had to race virtually.
She’s the first one to have had to face a high school career that looks infinitely different than the one her brother (a senior) has enjoyed.
She’s our last, yes.
But she’s the one who is teaching us to savor the moments when we get to see her race on the track while we wear masks and socially distance.
She’s the one who is brave enough to lean in to hybrid learning, mask and all, so that we can figure out how best to educate our kids in the coming years.
And, yes, she’s our last one to go to high school but she’s the first one to teach us what we really need to know in the midst of a pandemic.
The lastest really is the bestest.
#lifewithteens
Let’s face it: I’m all in on the bullshit. (Th Let’s face it: I’m all in on the bullshit. (Thanks, @modernmommymadness for being all about the bullshit, too.) #backtoschool #parentingteens #momofteens #motherhoodunplugged #parenting #pandemicparenting #quaranteens #bullshitquotes #allaboutthebullshit #keeperofthefruitloops
School starts tomorrow and I am READY, bitchachos. School starts tomorrow and I am READY, bitchachos. 💪🏻🍷📚#backtoschool #letsdothis #itsgonnatakeavineyard #covidclassroom #covidclassof2021 #quaranteens #momofteens #parentingteens #senioryear🎓 #freshmanyear
Well played, universe. (via: @ramblinma) #momoftee Well played, universe. (via: @ramblinma) #momofteenagers #parentingteens #motherhoodunplugged #momofteens #momtruth #wtf #keeperofthefruitloops #teenagers🙄 #sendhelp
So. I did a thing today. I went to a NASCAR race. So.
I did a thing today.
I went to a NASCAR race.
My first.
During a pandemic.
I know, I can't believe it, either.
But, when you are married to a man who eats, sleeps, and breathes cars, eventually you come to a point in your marriage when you realize that a trip to a major speedway is a marital inevitability.
I managed to avoid it for 21 years but today was the day.
And I have thoughts, in no particular order:
1). I was not prepared for the noise of the engines. And by "noise," I mean the constant reverberation deep into your soul for three. solid. hours. Loud does not begin to cover it.
2). I watched 38 cars whizz by me 301 times. I enjoyed seeing #43 drive by 301 times. Car #32? Not so much (#32 finished 35th. I was fine with that).
3). Every single person in the grandstands complied with the mask restrictions. It's not that hard, people. I watched thousands of people do it today. You can, too.
4). We didn't see a single confederate flag. #FistBumpNASCAR 
5). I couldn't hear a thing my family said for three hours. Actually, almost four hours. This was a major bonus.
6). Earplugs are necessary. Again, see #5.
7). The universe did me a solid and provided me with an overcast day as I did my "wifely duty" and pretended to be interested in the parade of cars that monotonously sped by me every thirty seconds. If it had been 100 degrees (like it apparently was last year), this status would be very different.
8). 301 laps takes a really long time. Like, a really long time.
9). I think NASCAR would have a bigger fan base if they served frozé wine and provided charcuterie. Hear me out on this, NASCAR.
10). Watching my husband and Fruit Loop #1 scream at each other (because noise and ear plugs) and gesticulate wildly at whatever was happening on the track while they soaked in their first NASCAR race together made it all worth it. I think. #PleaseLetUsHaveUsedEnoughHandSanitizer.
#nascar #loudonspeedway #newhampshiremotorspeedway #nascarracing #nascarlife
Well behaved women never make history...or some sh Well behaved women never make history...or some shit like that. 😏 
#motherhoodunplugged #momtruth #nevershutup #keeperofthefruitloops #mouthybitch #speakyourtruth #speakup
143 days. I took this picture 143 days ago. I was 143 days.
I took this picture 143 days ago.
I was in Palm Springs and I had taken a tram ride with @mommybacktalk to San Jacinto National Park.
We hiked several miles for this view and I remember feeling relaxed and free of stress.
We were in PS to attend a conference and the whispers of an unknown virus were starting to swell.
“A virus out of China.”
“There’s no vaccine and it’s highly contagious. It could become a pandemic.”
“Wait. Corona is a beer...”
Though we didn’t shake hands with attendees, for the most part, we went about the business of “normal” life.
At a dinner with @monicagsakala and @mommybacktalk, we threw back glasses of wine and talked long into the night over gourmet macaroni and cheese that tasted like actual heaven on a fork.
We talked about politics, current events, and books we loved. No stories about kids, no griping about husbands. Just intelligent, stimulating conversation that I now realize was going to become a lifeline only a few weeks later.
I have no pictures of that dinner.
Just the memory of being with two good friends when life didn’t feel so fractured.
Now those friends are hours away, whether by car or plane, and I think about that night in CA almost every day.
The me from 143 days ago had no idea what was coming.
The me at the top of the mountain in the picture didn’t know that she should have savored the fresh air more, that she should have relished what it was like to be one in a crowd on a tram headed to scenic vistas.
I’ve been quiet here on IG because everything feels too much.
I’ve been trying to keep my family safe and maintain what’s left of my sanity in a world that feels prickly and dangerous.
I’ve been wearing a mask, using hand sanitizer, and obsessively watching the news for a sign that we are all going to be okay.
I’ve been looking for small pockets of joy in the middle of the dumpster fire that life has become.
And, I’m realizing that we are all climbing one hell of a mountain, together.
And, at some point, the view is going to be gorgeous.
We just have to keep climbing.
No matter how much our legs are telling us it's too hard to go on.
#keepclimbing
My old life was exhausting...what parts of your pr My old life was exhausting...what parts of your pre-quarantine life are you not going back to when your community opens up fully? @mommyneedsalife #quarantinelife #quarantineandchill #lifewithteens #parenting #parentingteens #momtruth #momhumor #momlife #motherhoodunplugged❤️
It was clear from the start that my kids got a goo It was clear from the start that my kids got a good one. ❤️ #happyfathersday2020 #pandemicparenting #lifewithteens #parentingteens #dadlifeisthebestlife #fathersday #fathersday2020 #quarantinelife
It’s not you, it’s me. Probably. @natecomedy # It’s not you, it’s me. Probably. @natecomedy #quarantinelife #pandemichumor😄 #lifewithteens #lifewithteenagers #momofteens #parentingteens #howcanimissyouifyouwontgoaway #momtruth #motherhoodunplugged
“Mom? Can I hang out with my friends tonight? I “Mom? Can I hang out with  my friends tonight? I need a ride.”
Those words seemed to be on auto repeat last summer.
He had a social life.
I had the driver’s license.
He wanted to stay a half hour later.
I gave him all kinds of hell for upending my evening so that he could hang for a bit more with his friends.
But then he bought his car.
And passed his driver’s test not long after.
My car hasn’t found him folding his lanky frame into the passenger seat in almost a year.
I miss seeing him there.
Tonight, I wanted to see my friends for a couple of socially distanced glasses of wine and I didn’t want to drive.
“Hey, I’d like to hang out with my friends tonight. Can you give me a ride?” I said to him.
And of course, he took every opportunity to give me a dose of my own medicine in jest:
“You know, I have plans this evening, too, Mom.”
“I want you outside by 830p because I’ll be waiting.”
“No, you can’t stay til 9, I don’t care what the other moms are doing.”
It was a full circle moment.
After he picked me up and we swung by the local ice cream shop so he could get a treat for him and his sister, we drove home with the windows down on a summer night.
For a few moments, it was like old times.
I’ve missed him, even though we’ve been home together for months in quarantine.
And when Def Leppard blared on the radio and he dialed it up while singing every word, I remembered what it was like to be seventeen. @joe_burke0227 
#lifewithteens #momofteens #quarantinelife #quaranteens #pandemiclife #parentinginquarantine #momtruth #motherhoodunplugged #momofteenslife
We can get new backpacks and lunch boxes, too, rig We can get new backpacks and lunch boxes, too, right? @ellie_schnitt #pandemic2020 #pandemiclife #quarantinelife #quarantineandchill #workfromhomemom #workfromhomelife #momofteens
#blackoutday2020 #blackoutday2020
Moms are gonna drop it like it’s hot, yo. #tgif Moms are gonna drop it like it’s hot, yo. #tgif #thankgoditsfriday #pandemiclife #quarantineandchill #quarantineandchill2020 #momlife #momtruth #lifewithteensandtweens #lifewithteens #letsgetthispartystarted🎉 #quarantinesucks😷
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