I am a graduate of the University of “My Boobs Fed A Human” and hold a Bachelor’s Degree in Breast Feeding. In order to graduate, I had to enroll in classes such as “Breast Pump 101” and “Your Breast and You: How Not To Get Eaten Alive By A Small Human”. There were all nighters […]
Gossip Girls
As you walk into the cafeteria, your stomach lurches a little. You look around at the groups of girls and a familiar fear fills your stomach. “Will the cool girls let me sit with them today?” You scan the room and see girls chatting, laughing and looking over at you as you walk in the […]
What I Don’t Remember….
Is anyone else feeling the stress of being the World’s Most Perfect Mom EVUUUR? Is anyone else looking at The Pinterest wondering who the heck has the time to make crafts, perfect crockpot meals and put outfits together that would make Polyvore swoon? Does anyone else look around them and see moms who spend more […]
All The Remembering
Last night at dinner and on the eve of our 8th snow day off from school this year, I was lamenting about the number of days that the Fruit Loops have been underfoot, bored, and full of bicker. The number of days that I’ve been forced to reschedule appointments and become Julie the Cruise Director […]
The Time Hubby And I Totally Lost One Of Our Kids On The Beach
As a parent, you pride yourself on the the little things: getting through an hour without a toddler tantrum, managing to get a shower with minions underfoot and remembering to change your breast milk stained shirt at least every other day. You also pride yourself on the BIG things: keeping those minions alive all day, […]
Secrets of A Potty Training Mom
If you ask a group of moms what they dislike most about parenting, the answers will be varied. Some will say temper tantrums, eye rolling or Disney channel programming. Others will scoff at the the early mornings, diaper changes at 2 am and never ending loads of laundry. You will hear sorry tales of ignored […]
Confessions from the Bunny Slope
On the whole, I consider myself to be pretty brave. I’ve worked night shift in an inner-city hospital. I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed, two C Sections and have cleaned up kid vomit with nary a gag. I’ve survived the grocery store on the day before Thanksgiving 10 years running (not for the faint of […]
5 Things I’d Tell My High School Self
Recently, I hit a milestone. A big one. 20 years ago, I stood with 364 of my classmates on my high school’s football field and got my diploma. As I sat in that crowd on the field as the sun set, my white cap affixed upon my Jersey Girl, Aqua Net styled hair, […]
This Is My 40
I’ve been preparing for this day for my whole life. Like a beacon in the distance, the age of forty has been looming, staring me down, daring me to get there. Hearing those who have gone before me say, “It’s all downhill from there…” and “Forty isn’t THAT bad” and “Someday, this will be you”. […]
Wait. It Ends?
When you make the decision to stay at home with your children, it’s a BIG deal. There are lots of factors: finances, your ability to spend twelve hours at a time with people under three feet tall and the national coffee supply. You wrestle with your ability to be the sole caregiver, your need for […]
Say Cheese!
Today, as I was taking photos of the Fruit Loops at the bus stop for their first day of school, I started to sweat. I wasn’t sweating because I was experiencing the vapors over having a quiet house for seven consecutive hours. I wasn’t sweating because I was going to miss the cherubs (pfft….see above). […]
Real Dating Vs. Mom Dating
When you have your first child, you measure those first years in milestones: first smiles, first teeth, first steps. First time the baby meets the grandparents, first car trip and the first solid food. And then you have the NOT so popular firsts: first epic poop situation, first fever, and the first time you realize […]
Loops And Tents and Bears, Oh My!
I loathe camping. This is not a new revelation and we know Laura Ingalls, I Am Not. The Fruit Loops, however, love camping. No, scratch that. They luuuurve camping. This presents a major issue in the summer weather during prime “sleep outside under the stars, next to mosquitos, bears, rabbits and other outdoor fauna while […]
Suck It, Betty Crocker, There’s A New Baker On The Block (Me, Ahem)
I have a secret. I’m an Overachieving Mom. Yep. Totes Magoats. A bonafide OAM. Feels good to get that off my chest. And now I want to be famous on a You Tube channel. Let me explain. This morning, I was reading People magazine (do not judge me: I read it for the Puzzler Crossword […]
I Make No Apologies For Being A Selfish Mother (You Shouldn’t Either)
I think I might be a selfish mom. Scratch that. I know that I’m a selfish mom. I know this because, last night, when it came to dessert, I took the biggest bowl of ice cream for myself. And I didn’t give it to my husband. Or the Fruit Loops. I took it for me. […]
American Girl = I’m In Hell
I dislike a lot of things: bugs with more than four legs, the sound of snow crunching, Justin Bieber, and chocolate raspberry anything. I hate when the garbage smells like a dead body is rotting and it’s four more days until collection day. I hate toddler underwear with skid marks, when my DVR screws up […]
Just Eat It, Dammit!
It is often said that arguing rationally with an irrational person is an exercise in futility and never is that more true than with toddlers and their eating habits. If you live with children, have had children, know anyone with children or have sat next to a table with one in any Red Robin […]
The Day I Broke The Baby Monitor
Having a child come into your life is like having Toys R Us, the baby section of Target and the entire baby food section of your grocery store dump their items right into your family room. There are onesies (how can one baby need 93 onesies?), containment items, (exersaucers, bouncy seats, swings, pack and plays, […]