The other day, I got the dreaded “Your phone storage is almost full” message and realized it was time to clean up my phone. Read: it was time to play “Press Your Luck” over which apps I could keep, how many photos to delete and just exactly how many text messages were necessary. No whammies, […]
My Teen Asked Me About A Sex Act While I Was Driving
I knew this day would come as I had been warned by those who had gone before me. He’s going to ask someday. She’s going to have questions. You need to get your story straight. You have to be *prepared* because you’ll be caught with your pants down when the Fruit Loops ask about the […]
It’s Okay If You Screamed At The Kids Before That “Perfect” Photo
I met her on a September night in 2008. She had kind eyes and a smile on her small face. I was new at the whole PTA mom thing. She was a seasoned pro, the experienced committee mom. And she made me feel welcomed at my first PTA meeting. Included. Over the course of the […]
Musings From A Sleep Dictator
I am a member of the Today Show’s Parenting team (I don’t want to brag buuuuuuuuut, I’m a TOP CONTRIBUTOR, thankyouverymuch) and this month, they challenged us to discuss a topic near and dear to my heart: Sleep Training. Specifically, they asked us to give tips from our journey to a good night’s sleep. Because […]
Mother-In-Law, My Friend
When a group of women get together, inevitably, complaints will start flying. They will lament about their thighs, crow’s feet and grey hair. They will bitch about toddlers who refuse to use the potty and teenagers who roll their eyes. They will go on and on about husbands who can’t get dishes into the dishwasher […]
The Girl Behind The Make Up
“Mommy, why are you putting that brown stuff on your face?” The question comes from Fruit Loop #2 as she sits on the counter of the bathroom, watching me get ready for an evening out with Hubby. I am applying foundation to the lines, wrinkles, and blemishes to my forty-year-old face. I am expertly coloring in […]
Come On, Get Happy
This month, the Today Parenting Team challenged me to write about what makes me happy as a mother and to define the strategies I use daily to find every day joy in the chaos of parenthood. As I thought about this topic and ruminated on what really makes me truly happy, I realized that, for […]
Slow Parenting
A few months ago, I posted a photo on my Instagram account of Fruit Loop #2 sitting by a river, skipping rocks. It was a beautiful evening, Spring at it’s finest; complete with a setting sun shading the sky a lovely shade of amber. As we sat by that river, after having taken a three-mile […]
Gin and Tonic With A Twist of LYME Disease
When school got out for the summer, I had visions of beaches, long summer nights around the fire pit with friends and road trips. I was eager for the slower paced days and catching up on all the books collecting dust on my night stand. No lunches to pack, no homework to check, no screaming […]
School Daze: 13 Tips For Back To School Success (The Keeper On Today)
As many of you know, I am a regular contributor to the Today Show’s Parenting Community. This month, the Featured Challenge is “Back To School Advice, Pay It Forward Style”. I was asked to write a piece with advice for moms and dads with children younger than mine. Here’s the piece, as it appears on […]
I Miss The Noise and It’s Too Quiet
Today, when our eyes met in the aisle, my heart ached. I sighed to myself and realized I miss you. Well, not the actual you because, until today, we’ve never met. I miss the you that you are right now. The you that I am no longer. As you pushed your red cart containing your […]
I Talk Early And Often To The Fruit Loops About Alcohol
I’m just going to say it out loud: I’m a good time at parties. A gooooood time, I tell you, and my friends will all willingly recount at least three stories that involve me, a party and adult beverages. Okay, probably five stories each and those who attended my 40th birthday party last Fall all […]
“Wine Not Time!”
Have you ever committed a crime? Like an *actual* one? Wait. Don’t answer that because I think plausible deniability would work in my favor if anyone ever asked me about your answer. I am pleased to say that I haven’t been in the Big House…yet. But I can imagine a scenario in which I would […]
Enjoying Summer Time Can Be Easy….Sort Of
Summer is here. We are a week into summer vacation and already, I’ve heard the words “I’m bored” and “There’s nothing to doooooooo” and, my personal favorite, “There’s nothing gooooood to eat in the pantry”. Yep. Summer with kids is AWESOME. And HARD. It’s hard to keep them busy, it’s hard to find time to […]
Tales of A Fifth Grade Nothing
While on a recent trip to the beach, I observed Fruit Loop #2 happily playing with her best friend. They spent an entire day building sand castles, jumping waves and doing all the things you do with your bestie when you are nine years old. They told secrets, they giggled, they wore their bathing suits […]
Home Sweet Home
Hubby and I, on the general, don’t argue much. Strike that. We argue all the time. We have tiffs, we have eye rolling, we have snippy moments where I call him a jackass and he gets annoyed. Occasionally, there’s even a door slam. But, for the most part, we don’t argue so vociferously that one […]
Just Sleep, Dammit!
There are few things that will drive a new mother over the edge like sleep deprivation. The days where you wake up exhausted, nauseous and convinced you will never sleep again in the history of ever drive yoga pants clad moms all across this nation to the brink of insanity. Everyone always seems to have […]
Thanks for the Mammories
I am a graduate of the University of “My Boobs Fed A Human” and hold a Bachelor’s Degree in Breast Feeding. In order to graduate, I had to enroll in classes such as “Breast Pump 101” and “Your Breast and You: How Not To Get Eaten Alive By A Small Human”. There were all nighters […]