Keeper of the Fruit Loops

I am The Keeper of The Fruit Loops, Manager of the Fecal Roster and the Driver of the People Mover. In other words, I'm a mom.

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Five Things That Annoy Moms At The Grocery Store

May 16, 2016 By Christine 9 Comments

Last week, I posted this update on my Facebook page about grocery shopping:   And I was overwhelmed by how many of you commented that I’m not the only one who has a borderline psychosis about how I do my grocery shopping.  I was both amused and appalled at what a group of weirdos we […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way Tagged With: grocery shopping

The Seven Moms In A Group Text

April 28, 2016 By Christine Leave a Comment

If you have kids in the modern age of parenting, chances are, you’ve participated in at least one group text.  Whether it’s coordinating a play date, a Ladies’ Night Out or organizing a complicated carpool routine, texting takes on a whole new level of hell when you have multiple people expressing opinions.  And, often, the […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way Tagged With: carpool hell, group texts, moms

Who Is The Keeper Of The Fruit Loops?

March 12, 2016 By Christine 10 Comments

Since it’s looking like after three years, over 100 posts, close to 50 freelance articles AND three essays published in anthologies that this blogging thing might be a regular gig,  I feel compelled to introduce myself to those of you reading (all 400 of you who subscribe…if you are reading and you haven’t subscribed, stop […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way, The Keeper News Tagged With: new kid on the blog

Don’t Talk To My Kids About Politics. That’s MY Job.

March 9, 2016 By Christine 12 Comments

On the whole, I’m a good person. Really, I am. I recycle, I pay it forward and I practice random acts of kindness. I smile at strangers, I hold doors open for people and I will even let you merge ahead of me on the highway (though, I do give you the finger if you […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way, People Who Suck

Fruit Loop #1’s Five Stages of Mom Fury

February 15, 2016 By Christine 16 Comments

“Mom, I have something I want to discuss with you.  And I don’t want you to say no.  And I want you to hear me out.  And I want you to keep an open mind, okay?”. With these words, Fruit Loop #1 looked at me from the passenger seat of the car with his hazel […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way, The Fruit Loops Speak Tagged With: mom fury, opinionated fruit loops, parenting

Don’t Ask Me For My Babysitter’s Name. DON’T.

February 9, 2016 By Christine 3 Comments

I’m a giver. I share better than any three year old. Really. Ask my friends. I give advice (almost never unsolicited), I give fabulous presents and I give of my time like nobody’s business (two words: PTA President). If you need me, I’m there for you, no questions asked. And, if you are one of […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way Tagged With: date night, dating, marriage

My Apology: My Tween Can’t Say “I’m Sorry” And It’s My Fault

February 4, 2016 By Christine 1 Comment

Smiling teenage boy in front of car

On a hot summer night last year, you defied me. You begged to be allowed to walk down to an ice cream shop with your younger sister in the small beach town where we were vacationing. “I’m twelve now, Mom,” you pleaded, “almost thirteen. Come on, please?” After a bit of discussion, your father and […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way, The Keeper On The Mid

The Day I Realized I Shouldn’t Fix My Tween’s Problems

January 13, 2016 By Christine 6 Comments

Teen reflecting near water

On that warm summer night, as I caught a glimpse of Fruit Loop #1, I knew. He was standing across the yard, holding a plastic plate filled with summer party food and holding a red plastic cup. The sun hit his twelve year old hair in just a way that I could see the blonde […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way Tagged With: bullies, mama bear, tweens

Are You Team Toddler or Team Tween?

January 7, 2016 By Christine 5 Comments

Toddler with guitar and leather jacket

When you become a parent, there’s just so much you don’t know. SO. MUCH. And, in those first few years, you wander around deliriously tired, chase after little people who break all of your previously nice things and wonder how exactly every item of clothing you own is covered in spit up. You suffer through […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way

Our Parents Had It Easy. And I’m Jealous.

January 5, 2016 By Christine Leave a Comment

The other day, I got the dreaded “Your phone storage is almost full” message and realized it was time to clean up my phone. Read: it was time to play “Press Your Luck” over which apps I could keep, how many photos to delete and just exactly how many text messages were necessary. No whammies, […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way Tagged With: back in the day, parenting, what the hell

My Teen Asked Me About A Sex Act While I Was Driving

January 4, 2016 By Christine 62 Comments

Teens and sex

I knew this day would come as I had been warned by those who had gone before me. He’s going to ask someday. She’s going to have questions. You need to get your story straight. You have to be *prepared* because you’ll be caught with your pants down when the Fruit Loops ask about the […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way Tagged With: sex, sex talk

It’s Okay If You Screamed At The Kids Before That “Perfect” Photo

December 2, 2015 By Christine Leave a Comment

I met her on a September night in 2008. She had kind eyes and a smile on her small face. I was new at the whole PTA mom thing. She was a seasoned pro, the experienced committee mom. And she made me feel welcomed at my first PTA meeting.  Included. Over the course of the […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way Tagged With: dying, smiles

Musings From A Sleep Dictator

October 14, 2015 By Christine Leave a Comment

I am a member of the Today Show’s Parenting team (I don’t want to brag buuuuuuuuut, I’m a TOP CONTRIBUTOR, thankyouverymuch) and this month, they challenged us to discuss a topic near and dear to my heart:  Sleep Training.  Specifically, they asked us to give tips from our journey to a good night’s sleep.  Because […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way, The Keeper On Today! Tagged With: napping, sleep, sleep deprivation

Mother-In-Law, My Friend

October 11, 2015 By Christine 3 Comments

When a group of women get together, inevitably, complaints will start flying. They will lament about their thighs, crow’s feet and grey hair. They will bitch about toddlers who refuse to use the potty and teenagers who roll their eyes. They will go on and on about husbands who can’t get dishes into the dishwasher […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way, Uncategorized Tagged With: friends, mother-in-law, mothers

The Girl Behind The Make Up

September 30, 2015 By Christine Leave a Comment

“Mommy, why are you putting that brown stuff on your face?” The question comes from Fruit Loop #2 as she sits on the counter of the bathroom, watching me get ready for an evening out with Hubby. I am applying foundation to the lines, wrinkles, and blemishes to my forty-year-old face. I am expertly coloring in […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way Tagged With: Make Up

Come On, Get Happy

September 3, 2015 By Christine 1 Comment

This month, the Today Parenting Team challenged me to write about what makes me happy as a mother and to define the strategies I use daily to find every day joy in the chaos of parenthood.  As I thought about this topic and ruminated on what really makes me truly happy, I realized that, for […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way, The Keeper On Today! Tagged With: finding joy, happy

Slow Parenting

September 2, 2015 By Christine 4 Comments

A few months ago, I posted a photo on my Instagram account of Fruit Loop #2 sitting by a river, skipping rocks. It was a beautiful evening, Spring at it’s finest; complete with a setting sun shading the sky a lovely shade of amber. As we sat by that river, after having taken a three-mile […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way Tagged With: say yes to family time, slow parenting

Gin and Tonic With A Twist of LYME Disease

July 31, 2015 By Christine 3 Comments

When school got out for the summer, I had visions of beaches, long summer nights around the fire pit with friends and road trips.  I was eager for the slower paced days and catching up on all the books collecting dust on my night stand.  No lunches to pack, no homework to check, no screaming […]

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way, The Keeper Is A Nurse Tagged With: it will be okay, Lyme Disease

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The Keeper on Instagram!

fruitloopkeeper

Nurse. Wife. Mom. Runner. Blogger. Writer. Thrift Shop Junkie. Sauvignon Blanc Snob.
Social Media Manager for @hermoneymedia and @jeanchatzky.

It’s time to let the world swallow your whole s It’s time to let the world swallow your  whole self, bitchachos. And you can hand the haters a glass of milk if they are having trouble. #bringit #momtruth #parentingtruth #iamwhoiam #nojoke #mywholeself
Can we all agree that our pets are the real winner Can we all agree that our pets are the real winners of the quarantine?
For six months, this dog has had four people to cuddle her, give her treats, and take her for walks at the drop of a hat. And she does not care if she interrupts a Zoom call to protect us from the UPS guy.
And, yes, she’s been forced to take more selfies than she’d like but sorry not sorry, #daisytheshihtzu.
What are these pets gonna do if we ever have to go back to “real” life?
#petsofinstagram #shihtzusofinstagram #shihtzulovers #shihtzusgram_feature #quarantinelife #petsofquarantine #lifewithdaisy
No words. RIP, #rbg. Fly with the angels and rest No words. RIP, #rbg. Fly with the angels and rest easy. We won’t let you down. Also? SOMEONE FIND BETTY WHITE RIGHT NOW. #ruthbaderginsburg #suckit2020 #wtf #notoriousrbg #ruthbaderginsburgismyhero
When I was thinking about how I wanted to write ab When I was thinking about how I wanted to write about eczema for a project with @mediqcme, I was reminded of a time a few years ago when I had the world’s worst case of poison ivy.
After a marathon session of gardening, I’d managed to swipe a huge swath of poison ivy oil across my chest, left flank, and left side of my face.
Within days, I was in agony: huge, weeping crusted pustules covered my body and as the days turned into weeks, my skin screamed at me for attention at every given moment.
I couldn’t sleep.
I couldn’t wear my favorite clothing because my lesions were constantly weeping.
And then came the steroids.
That’s when the real hell began. I’m a high energy person without the aid of stimulants (I really should switch to decaf, I know) and steroids make me a next-level handful, trust me.
For six weeks, every decision I made revolved around my skin: how to sit comfortably, what position made sleep come more easily, even bathing became a chore because nothing helped allay the itch that seemed to come from the inside out.
I was miserable, yes, but thankfully, I eventually healed and soon forgot about my six weeks of poison ivy hell.
But, 9-year-old Elizabeth told me that living with atopic dermatitis means that itching from the inside out is a way of life for her and, in her words, itchy skin makes her feel “bad” most of the time.
Head to my IG stories to read more about life with #atopicdermatitis and how it affects almost 31 million Americans (10 million of which are kids).
#itchyskinhelp #chroniceczema #eczema #eczemarelief #atopicdermatitistreatment
Why is it that when the temp dips to 50 degrees in Why is it that when the temp dips to 50 degrees in September, I can’t wait to wear sweaters and scarves but, in April, I’m pretty much wearing shorts and tank tops?
#hardhittingquestions #fallproblems #sweaterweather #falllife #fallfashion #fallvibes #conundrum #yorkbeach #yorkbeachme
Do you have eczema? Does someone you know and love Do you have eczema? Does someone you know and love have atopic dermatitis, a chronic skin condition that affects more than 31 million Americans? 

Join me Tuesday, September 15 at 2p EST for a very special FB live conversation about Atopic Dermatitis with Dr. Peter Lio, Asst. Professor of Dermatology and Pediatrics at @northwesternu. 

We will be discussing what atopic dermatitis is, how it affects families, and the resources that you can trust if you, your kids, or family members are navigating a new (or ongoing) atopic dermatitis diagnosis.

Bring your questions because we will be answering them live!

Special thanks to @mediqcme for making this discussion possible!
#itchyskinhelp
On the day my son was born, my father sent us a ca On the day my son was born, my father sent us a card.
“You’ll always remember the firsts but the lasts are the most precious,” he wrote.
She’s our last.
She was the last baby to walk with her fat feet on our hardwood floors.
She was the last one to go to kindergarten.
She was the one who napped on the go as her brother attended Mommy and Me classes and soccer practices.
She was the last one to have a single digit birthday in our house.
But for all of the firsts that have been afforded to her brother, she’s our first in so many ways.
She’s the first one to navigate freshman year during a hybrid school system in the midst of a pandemic.
She’s the first one to forge her way on a cross country team with teammates who have never had to race virtually.
She’s the first one to have had to face a high school career that looks infinitely different than the one her brother (a senior) has enjoyed.
She’s our last, yes.
But she’s the one who is teaching us to savor the moments when we get to see her race on the track while we wear masks and socially distance.
She’s the one who is brave enough to lean in to hybrid learning, mask and all, so that we can figure out how best to educate our kids in the coming years.
And, yes, she’s our last one to go to high school but she’s the first one to teach us what we really need to know in the midst of a pandemic.
The lastest really is the bestest.
#lifewithteens
Let’s face it: I’m all in on the bullshit. (Th Let’s face it: I’m all in on the bullshit. (Thanks, @modernmommymadness for being all about the bullshit, too.) #backtoschool #parentingteens #momofteens #motherhoodunplugged #parenting #pandemicparenting #quaranteens #bullshitquotes #allaboutthebullshit #keeperofthefruitloops
School starts tomorrow and I am READY, bitchachos. School starts tomorrow and I am READY, bitchachos. 💪🏻🍷📚#backtoschool #letsdothis #itsgonnatakeavineyard #covidclassroom #covidclassof2021 #quaranteens #momofteens #parentingteens #senioryear🎓 #freshmanyear
Well played, universe. (via: @ramblinma) #momoftee Well played, universe. (via: @ramblinma) #momofteenagers #parentingteens #motherhoodunplugged #momofteens #momtruth #wtf #keeperofthefruitloops #teenagers🙄 #sendhelp
So. I did a thing today. I went to a NASCAR race. So.
I did a thing today.
I went to a NASCAR race.
My first.
During a pandemic.
I know, I can't believe it, either.
But, when you are married to a man who eats, sleeps, and breathes cars, eventually you come to a point in your marriage when you realize that a trip to a major speedway is a marital inevitability.
I managed to avoid it for 21 years but today was the day.
And I have thoughts, in no particular order:
1). I was not prepared for the noise of the engines. And by "noise," I mean the constant reverberation deep into your soul for three. solid. hours. Loud does not begin to cover it.
2). I watched 38 cars whizz by me 301 times. I enjoyed seeing #43 drive by 301 times. Car #32? Not so much (#32 finished 35th. I was fine with that).
3). Every single person in the grandstands complied with the mask restrictions. It's not that hard, people. I watched thousands of people do it today. You can, too.
4). We didn't see a single confederate flag. #FistBumpNASCAR 
5). I couldn't hear a thing my family said for three hours. Actually, almost four hours. This was a major bonus.
6). Earplugs are necessary. Again, see #5.
7). The universe did me a solid and provided me with an overcast day as I did my "wifely duty" and pretended to be interested in the parade of cars that monotonously sped by me every thirty seconds. If it had been 100 degrees (like it apparently was last year), this status would be very different.
8). 301 laps takes a really long time. Like, a really long time.
9). I think NASCAR would have a bigger fan base if they served frozé wine and provided charcuterie. Hear me out on this, NASCAR.
10). Watching my husband and Fruit Loop #1 scream at each other (because noise and ear plugs) and gesticulate wildly at whatever was happening on the track while they soaked in their first NASCAR race together made it all worth it. I think. #PleaseLetUsHaveUsedEnoughHandSanitizer.
#nascar #loudonspeedway #newhampshiremotorspeedway #nascarracing #nascarlife
Well behaved women never make history...or some sh Well behaved women never make history...or some shit like that. 😏 
#motherhoodunplugged #momtruth #nevershutup #keeperofthefruitloops #mouthybitch #speakyourtruth #speakup
143 days. I took this picture 143 days ago. I was 143 days.
I took this picture 143 days ago.
I was in Palm Springs and I had taken a tram ride with @mommybacktalk to San Jacinto National Park.
We hiked several miles for this view and I remember feeling relaxed and free of stress.
We were in PS to attend a conference and the whispers of an unknown virus were starting to swell.
“A virus out of China.”
“There’s no vaccine and it’s highly contagious. It could become a pandemic.”
“Wait. Corona is a beer...”
Though we didn’t shake hands with attendees, for the most part, we went about the business of “normal” life.
At a dinner with @monicagsakala and @mommybacktalk, we threw back glasses of wine and talked long into the night over gourmet macaroni and cheese that tasted like actual heaven on a fork.
We talked about politics, current events, and books we loved. No stories about kids, no griping about husbands. Just intelligent, stimulating conversation that I now realize was going to become a lifeline only a few weeks later.
I have no pictures of that dinner.
Just the memory of being with two good friends when life didn’t feel so fractured.
Now those friends are hours away, whether by car or plane, and I think about that night in CA almost every day.
The me from 143 days ago had no idea what was coming.
The me at the top of the mountain in the picture didn’t know that she should have savored the fresh air more, that she should have relished what it was like to be one in a crowd on a tram headed to scenic vistas.
I’ve been quiet here on IG because everything feels too much.
I’ve been trying to keep my family safe and maintain what’s left of my sanity in a world that feels prickly and dangerous.
I’ve been wearing a mask, using hand sanitizer, and obsessively watching the news for a sign that we are all going to be okay.
I’ve been looking for small pockets of joy in the middle of the dumpster fire that life has become.
And, I’m realizing that we are all climbing one hell of a mountain, together.
And, at some point, the view is going to be gorgeous.
We just have to keep climbing.
No matter how much our legs are telling us it's too hard to go on.
#keepclimbing
My old life was exhausting...what parts of your pr My old life was exhausting...what parts of your pre-quarantine life are you not going back to when your community opens up fully? @mommyneedsalife #quarantinelife #quarantineandchill #lifewithteens #parenting #parentingteens #momtruth #momhumor #momlife #motherhoodunplugged❤️
It was clear from the start that my kids got a goo It was clear from the start that my kids got a good one. ❤️ #happyfathersday2020 #pandemicparenting #lifewithteens #parentingteens #dadlifeisthebestlife #fathersday #fathersday2020 #quarantinelife
It’s not you, it’s me. Probably. @natecomedy # It’s not you, it’s me. Probably. @natecomedy #quarantinelife #pandemichumor😄 #lifewithteens #lifewithteenagers #momofteens #parentingteens #howcanimissyouifyouwontgoaway #momtruth #motherhoodunplugged
“Mom? Can I hang out with my friends tonight? I “Mom? Can I hang out with  my friends tonight? I need a ride.”
Those words seemed to be on auto repeat last summer.
He had a social life.
I had the driver’s license.
He wanted to stay a half hour later.
I gave him all kinds of hell for upending my evening so that he could hang for a bit more with his friends.
But then he bought his car.
And passed his driver’s test not long after.
My car hasn’t found him folding his lanky frame into the passenger seat in almost a year.
I miss seeing him there.
Tonight, I wanted to see my friends for a couple of socially distanced glasses of wine and I didn’t want to drive.
“Hey, I’d like to hang out with my friends tonight. Can you give me a ride?” I said to him.
And of course, he took every opportunity to give me a dose of my own medicine in jest:
“You know, I have plans this evening, too, Mom.”
“I want you outside by 830p because I’ll be waiting.”
“No, you can’t stay til 9, I don’t care what the other moms are doing.”
It was a full circle moment.
After he picked me up and we swung by the local ice cream shop so he could get a treat for him and his sister, we drove home with the windows down on a summer night.
For a few moments, it was like old times.
I’ve missed him, even though we’ve been home together for months in quarantine.
And when Def Leppard blared on the radio and he dialed it up while singing every word, I remembered what it was like to be seventeen. @joe_burke0227 
#lifewithteens #momofteens #quarantinelife #quaranteens #pandemiclife #parentinginquarantine #momtruth #motherhoodunplugged #momofteenslife
We can get new backpacks and lunch boxes, too, rig We can get new backpacks and lunch boxes, too, right? @ellie_schnitt #pandemic2020 #pandemiclife #quarantinelife #quarantineandchill #workfromhomemom #workfromhomelife #momofteens
#blackoutday2020 #blackoutday2020
Moms are gonna drop it like it’s hot, yo. #tgif Moms are gonna drop it like it’s hot, yo. #tgif #thankgoditsfriday #pandemiclife #quarantineandchill #quarantineandchill2020 #momlife #momtruth #lifewithteensandtweens #lifewithteens #letsgetthispartystarted🎉 #quarantinesucks😷
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