Keeper of the Fruit Loops

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You are here: Home / Uncategorized / Don’t Hate Me: My Teens Are Best Friends (Yes, Really)

Don’t Hate Me: My Teens Are Best Friends (Yes, Really)

July 22, 2020 By Christine 1 Comment

I hear the slider door of our beach house squeak and the sound of footsteps as they amble down the wooden deck stairs. I can hear them before I see them: my teens are headed out on their summer evening ritual. Every night, shortly after dinner, they grab an ice cream from our beach house freezer and head off down the beach for an evening walk.

What they talk about on these evening strolls, I’ve never asked. Presumably, they discuss their parents, school gossip, and the latest Marvel movie. As I watch them disappear into the fading sun, my heart swells with pride.

My teens are siblings, yes.

But they are also best friends and it’s my greatest joy as a parent.

People have asked me what our secret is when it comes to raising teens who are close and the truth is, I’m at a loss to explain how their relationship evolved into such a close-knit bond.

Over the years, I’ve listened as my friends have detailed sibling rivalries and arguments over shared bedrooms. I’ve quietly taken in a friend’s frustration over two daughters who compete over clothing, boys, and grades. And, I’ve tried to be empathetic when a friend confided in me that she cries at night because she’s sure her boys will never like each other, much less be close one day.

best friends

And, when a friend relays a story about a sibling frustration, she usually looks at me expectantly, waiting for me to chime in with my own stories of brother and sister discord.

But, as they say, I got nothing.

My teens are close in a way that I don’t understand.

When they were small, if one of them was given a treat, they’d always ask for a second one to bring home to their partner in crime. And there is nothing like seeing the sheer joy on a toddler’s face when she’s realized her big brother has come home with a lollipop from the bank for her, too.

After my father’s death, I’d find them, ages 7 and 9, curled up in one of their beds, clutching the special teddy bears we’d bought them to help ease the grief. And, when I caught a glimpse of them holding hands at his funeral, the thought that they’d likely do the same at my funeral brought me to my knees.

They already have each other’s back, for life.

I see their kindred spirits in the way my daughter lights up when her brother returns home from work.

I see their special bond when my son giddily wraps a birthday present that I had no idea my daughter even wanted.

I see their teamwork when they are conspiring against their father and me in an effort to convince us to take them out for dinner, ice cream, or a movie.

And, I see their mutual respect for each other when, in a rare moment of anger, one sheepishly knocks on the other’s door and says, “Hey, you over yourself yet? Wanna play Minecraft?”

They speak in video games, Marvel movies, and the shared experience of attending the same school. They show their affection when they text each other memes no one else finds funny and they seem to dance to the beat of their own sibling music.

In fact, there are days when I feel like an outsider, an intruder almost, into the world they’ve created as friends.

Sure, they both have a wide circle of friends and there’s many a night when our home is quiet because they are off separately doing what teens do on a Friday night. But, when they both walk in the door, I can usually find them at the kitchen counter, eating ice cream out of the container, and recounting their evenings.

On the days when I come home from work and see them huddled on the couch, laughing over some internet sensation’s YouTube channel, I breathe a tiny sigh of relief. Sure, we have our fair share of teen angst and eye rolling, but, typically, it’s them against us. And I’m grateful because that’s the order of things.

They go together like peas and carrots, peanut butter and jelly, Ren and Stimpy.

I look out on the horizon and see them chasing each other back to our house, dodging waves and kicking up sand. As my daughter pulls out in front of my son, she glances back and yells, “Try to keep up, bro!” and takes off, her brow hair flying in the beach wind. And, when I watch him dutifully kick up his speed to stay by her side, I know they’ll never be alone.

Did you know I write all over the web? Check out my stories on Your Teen, HerMoney, and The Girlfriend!

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Filed Under: Parenting My Way, Uncategorized Tagged With: parenting, parenting teens

Comments

  1. Amy Fox says

    July 29, 2020 at 5:27 pm

    I have 18 YO boy/girl twins and they are also best friends, have always shared everything and have a fierce loyalty to each other. I didn’t have that with my older brothers growing up and even now, although I love them of course, I wouldn’t categorize our relationship as close. I’m not sure what the secret sauce is to the respect and love that my kids, and yours, feel toward each other, but I sure am thankful for it.

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Nurse. Wife. Mom. Runner. Blogger. Writer. Thrift Shop Junkie. Sauvignon Blanc Snob.
Social Media Manager for @hermoneymedia and @jeanchatzky.

It’s time to let the world swallow your whole s It’s time to let the world swallow your  whole self, bitchachos. And you can hand the haters a glass of milk if they are having trouble. #bringit #momtruth #parentingtruth #iamwhoiam #nojoke #mywholeself
Can we all agree that our pets are the real winner Can we all agree that our pets are the real winners of the quarantine?
For six months, this dog has had four people to cuddle her, give her treats, and take her for walks at the drop of a hat. And she does not care if she interrupts a Zoom call to protect us from the UPS guy.
And, yes, she’s been forced to take more selfies than she’d like but sorry not sorry, #daisytheshihtzu.
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After a marathon session of gardening, I’d managed to swipe a huge swath of poison ivy oil across my chest, left flank, and left side of my face.
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I couldn’t wear my favorite clothing because my lesions were constantly weeping.
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For six weeks, every decision I made revolved around my skin: how to sit comfortably, what position made sleep come more easily, even bathing became a chore because nothing helped allay the itch that seemed to come from the inside out.
I was miserable, yes, but thankfully, I eventually healed and soon forgot about my six weeks of poison ivy hell.
But, 9-year-old Elizabeth told me that living with atopic dermatitis means that itching from the inside out is a way of life for her and, in her words, itchy skin makes her feel “bad” most of the time.
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Do you have eczema? Does someone you know and love Do you have eczema? Does someone you know and love have atopic dermatitis, a chronic skin condition that affects more than 31 million Americans? 

Join me Tuesday, September 15 at 2p EST for a very special FB live conversation about Atopic Dermatitis with Dr. Peter Lio, Asst. Professor of Dermatology and Pediatrics at @northwesternu. 

We will be discussing what atopic dermatitis is, how it affects families, and the resources that you can trust if you, your kids, or family members are navigating a new (or ongoing) atopic dermatitis diagnosis.

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And, yes, she’s our last one to go to high school but she’s the first one to teach us what we really need to know in the midst of a pandemic.
The lastest really is the bestest.
#lifewithteens
Let’s face it: I’m all in on the bullshit. (Th Let’s face it: I’m all in on the bullshit. (Thanks, @modernmommymadness for being all about the bullshit, too.) #backtoschool #parentingteens #momofteens #motherhoodunplugged #parenting #pandemicparenting #quaranteens #bullshitquotes #allaboutthebullshit #keeperofthefruitloops
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So. I did a thing today. I went to a NASCAR race. So.
I did a thing today.
I went to a NASCAR race.
My first.
During a pandemic.
I know, I can't believe it, either.
But, when you are married to a man who eats, sleeps, and breathes cars, eventually you come to a point in your marriage when you realize that a trip to a major speedway is a marital inevitability.
I managed to avoid it for 21 years but today was the day.
And I have thoughts, in no particular order:
1). I was not prepared for the noise of the engines. And by "noise," I mean the constant reverberation deep into your soul for three. solid. hours. Loud does not begin to cover it.
2). I watched 38 cars whizz by me 301 times. I enjoyed seeing #43 drive by 301 times. Car #32? Not so much (#32 finished 35th. I was fine with that).
3). Every single person in the grandstands complied with the mask restrictions. It's not that hard, people. I watched thousands of people do it today. You can, too.
4). We didn't see a single confederate flag. #FistBumpNASCAR 
5). I couldn't hear a thing my family said for three hours. Actually, almost four hours. This was a major bonus.
6). Earplugs are necessary. Again, see #5.
7). The universe did me a solid and provided me with an overcast day as I did my "wifely duty" and pretended to be interested in the parade of cars that monotonously sped by me every thirty seconds. If it had been 100 degrees (like it apparently was last year), this status would be very different.
8). 301 laps takes a really long time. Like, a really long time.
9). I think NASCAR would have a bigger fan base if they served frozé wine and provided charcuterie. Hear me out on this, NASCAR.
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We hiked several miles for this view and I remember feeling relaxed and free of stress.
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“A virus out of China.”
“There’s no vaccine and it’s highly contagious. It could become a pandemic.”
“Wait. Corona is a beer...”
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I have no pictures of that dinner.
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The me from 143 days ago had no idea what was coming.
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And passed his driver’s test not long after.
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Tonight, I wanted to see my friends for a couple of socially distanced glasses of wine and I didn’t want to drive.
“Hey, I’d like to hang out with my friends tonight. Can you give me a ride?” I said to him.
And of course, he took every opportunity to give me a dose of my own medicine in jest:
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“I want you outside by 830p because I’ll be waiting.”
“No, you can’t stay til 9, I don’t care what the other moms are doing.”
It was a full circle moment.
After he picked me up and we swung by the local ice cream shop so he could get a treat for him and his sister, we drove home with the windows down on a summer night.
For a few moments, it was like old times.
I’ve missed him, even though we’ve been home together for months in quarantine.
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We can get new backpacks and lunch boxes, too, rig We can get new backpacks and lunch boxes, too, right? @ellie_schnitt #pandemic2020 #pandemiclife #quarantinelife #quarantineandchill #workfromhomemom #workfromhomelife #momofteens
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