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You are here: Home / Losing My Dad / Beyond Flowers And Food: There’s Only So Much Lasagna You Can Eat In A Crisis

Beyond Flowers And Food: There’s Only So Much Lasagna You Can Eat In A Crisis

October 10, 2019 By Christine Leave a Comment

On the day my father died, I drove to work on that crisp October morning with my mind fixated on the pumpkin spice coffee I was going to treat myself to on the way. “Maybe a muffin, too,” I thought. Why not? 

I bustled into the office where I was subbing as a school nurse and I placed the coffee and pastry bag on my desk as I hung up my purse and sweater. I had just settled into my seat and was about to take a sip of Fall flavored nectar when my phone buzzed in my pocket.

It was my mother, calling to say that my father was on route to the hospital. 

“He’s had a bad night,” she said. I remember feeling like my legs were suddenly made of cement and I looked at the coffee, now slowly cooling next to my laptop.

It was as if life started moving in slow motion and everyone around me was talking underwater.

As I tried to process what my mother was saying, I wondered how I’d get in touch with my husband, who was on an airplane headed to a city that was thousands of miles away.

I wondered who would pick up the stack of papers that drifted from my hands when my mother called a second time to tell me things didn’t look good.

I wondered who would help me tell my kids that their grandfather had died. I kept waiting for an adult to show up, someone who knew what to do in an emergency.

And, later that day, when the word came that my father had passed away, I wondered what became of my abandoned cup of pumpkin coffee.

The rest of the day passed in a blur of helpful friends and a mother in law who dropped everything to help me and the Fruit Loops catch a flight. There was laundry to wash, flights to book, family to notify. I don’t know or remember how any of it got done but I do know that I arrived to my parents’ house somehow with everything I needed to bury my father.

In the following days, the doorbell never stopped ringing.

Flowers.

Fruit baskets.

Lasagnas that could feed 15 in one sitting.

In the span of 48 hours, we’d run out of freezer space, fruit flies were starting to invade the air, and the house smelled like a funeral home.

And that was just the first two days.

The flowers, fruit, and casseroles kept coming at a rate we couldn’t manage. 

It was exhausting, overwhelming, and depressing, particularly when the time came to throw the wilted flowers away. We were grateful to be remembered in such thoughtful ways but, frankly, none of us wanted to do anything other than drink wine and eat Oreos. None of us could stomach real food, much less plow through a Tex Mex casserole.

Chucking one flower arrangement after another into the garbage not only felt like a waste but it felt like a funeral all over again. Seeing those bereavement arrangements at the curb was a second, more final goodbye.

In the aftermath of my father’s death, I joined a club I didn’t know existed: the “I’ve Lost A Parent” Club. Once I became a card carrying member of the worst club ever, I realized that membership means you become a better friend in crisis. Not in a sanctimonious way, I promise. In a “I want to spare you the agony of throwing away 40 flower arrangements” kind of way.

A few months ago, I stumbled upon the website Beyond Flowers and Food quite by happenstance. A close friend’s mother had passed away and my extended family and I wanted to send something meaningful to her, especially since she lived several states away. 

This friend had gone the extra mile for me when my dad died: she arranged to have a continental breakfast delivered to our door on the morning of my father’s funeral. Yes, it was food and no, it was not lasagna. Her note simply said, “Don’t forget to eat breakfast today. You’ll need something in your stomachs.” I’ve never forgotten that simple kindness.

When her mother passed away, I wasn’t in a position to drop everything and do my friend’s laundry or help her pack for her trip home. But I wanted to do the next best thing, something that would let her know I was supporting her from afar.

A few months after my father passed away, a friend sent me a stained glass angel in the shade of blue for my father’s birth stone. When I opened the box, she sent me a note that said that she’d hope her small token would feel like my dad was with me every day. A guardian, if you will.

The first item I laid eyes upon when I landed on the Beyond Flowers and Food site made me realize my dad had a hand in helping me find the perfect gift and that there are no coincidences in life: it was their best seller, A Guardian Angel.

And, as I read the “About” section of the Beyond Flowers and Food, site, I realized that the owners seemed to know innately that food isn’t always the best gesture when it comes to an immediate crisis.

It was as if I’d finally found people who understood what it’s like to scrape an entire lasagna, uneaten, into the garbage. 

They understood the mental toll it takes to run out of ways to eat fruit basket oranges without being sick. 

And, they understood that the smell of bereavement flowers in a home is not at all comforting.

They understand because the owners, Katie and Beth, I came to find out, lost their mother around the time I lost my father.

Beyond Flowers and Food is clearly a labor of love that has emerged as a bright light during the dark days of their grieving.

I finally decided on Tiffany style stained glass window hanging with dragonflies for my friend. Dragonflies are a sign of ability to overcome in times of hardship and I immediately envisioned this pretty piece making her smile every day. (It was a tough choice between this and the copper memory candle, for sure).

Dragonflies
Dragonflies signify the ability to overcome in times of hardship.

What I love most about the website is what I learned when I went to complete my purchase:

Shipping is free. Always. They do the shopping, the gift wrapping, and the standing at the post office during the time you want to be supporting your friend or loved one.

They send the gift of your choice in a simple, elegant white box with a hand written note expressing your deepest sympathy.

Packages start at under $30, too, which means their gifts are more economical than the flowers your loved one will eventually have to throw away. 

I mean, look at this gorgeous packaging.

They have carefully curated a list of Grief, Get Well, and Uplifting Gifts so that you don’t find yourself scrambling when your friend calls to tell you that today has officially become the worst day of her life.

Each package is personally wrapped and filled with a meaningful, heartfelt gift.

And the best part?

There’s not a single lasagna available for purchase on the Beyond Flowers and Food website. 

There truly are angels who walk among us during periods of stress and anxiety. 

Those angels are the ones who show up to do your laundry without judging you for the size of the pile, they are the ones who make inappropriate funeral jokes when you need them the most, and they are the ones who send gifts that don’t include four pounds of mozzarella.

Beth and Katie and the Beyond Flowers and Food team are redefining how we help each other through the toughest moments in our lives.

And they are doing it, one personally wrapped angel at a time.

In a perfect world, we’d never have to send gifts in support of a lost loved one, a cancer journey, or a shittastic week at work, but the fact is, at some point we are all going to need to send a meaningful gift. While you may not need that gift right now, please consider following Beyond Food and Flowers on social media. You can find them on Facebook  and Instagram. And tell them I sent you to say hi…they’ll love that, I promise. 

This post was sponsored by Beyond Flowers and Food. Though I was compensated for this post, as always, I would never endorse a product or service that I’m not completely in love with or that I wouldn’t be willing to use myself.

 The opinions expressed are all mine, too. As well as the typos. Ahem.

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Filed Under: Losing My Dad Tagged With: grief, grief sucks, grieving

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Nurse. Wife. Mom. Runner. Blogger. Writer. Thrift Shop Junkie. Sauvignon Blanc Snob.
Social Media Manager for @hermoneymedia and @jeanchatzky.

It’s time to let the world swallow your whole s It’s time to let the world swallow your  whole self, bitchachos. And you can hand the haters a glass of milk if they are having trouble. #bringit #momtruth #parentingtruth #iamwhoiam #nojoke #mywholeself
Can we all agree that our pets are the real winner Can we all agree that our pets are the real winners of the quarantine?
For six months, this dog has had four people to cuddle her, give her treats, and take her for walks at the drop of a hat. And she does not care if she interrupts a Zoom call to protect us from the UPS guy.
And, yes, she’s been forced to take more selfies than she’d like but sorry not sorry, #daisytheshihtzu.
What are these pets gonna do if we ever have to go back to “real” life?
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No words. RIP, #rbg. Fly with the angels and rest No words. RIP, #rbg. Fly with the angels and rest easy. We won’t let you down. Also? SOMEONE FIND BETTY WHITE RIGHT NOW. #ruthbaderginsburg #suckit2020 #wtf #notoriousrbg #ruthbaderginsburgismyhero
When I was thinking about how I wanted to write ab When I was thinking about how I wanted to write about eczema for a project with @mediqcme, I was reminded of a time a few years ago when I had the world’s worst case of poison ivy.
After a marathon session of gardening, I’d managed to swipe a huge swath of poison ivy oil across my chest, left flank, and left side of my face.
Within days, I was in agony: huge, weeping crusted pustules covered my body and as the days turned into weeks, my skin screamed at me for attention at every given moment.
I couldn’t sleep.
I couldn’t wear my favorite clothing because my lesions were constantly weeping.
And then came the steroids.
That’s when the real hell began. I’m a high energy person without the aid of stimulants (I really should switch to decaf, I know) and steroids make me a next-level handful, trust me.
For six weeks, every decision I made revolved around my skin: how to sit comfortably, what position made sleep come more easily, even bathing became a chore because nothing helped allay the itch that seemed to come from the inside out.
I was miserable, yes, but thankfully, I eventually healed and soon forgot about my six weeks of poison ivy hell.
But, 9-year-old Elizabeth told me that living with atopic dermatitis means that itching from the inside out is a way of life for her and, in her words, itchy skin makes her feel “bad” most of the time.
Head to my IG stories to read more about life with #atopicdermatitis and how it affects almost 31 million Americans (10 million of which are kids).
#itchyskinhelp #chroniceczema #eczema #eczemarelief #atopicdermatitistreatment
Why is it that when the temp dips to 50 degrees in Why is it that when the temp dips to 50 degrees in September, I can’t wait to wear sweaters and scarves but, in April, I’m pretty much wearing shorts and tank tops?
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Do you have eczema? Does someone you know and love Do you have eczema? Does someone you know and love have atopic dermatitis, a chronic skin condition that affects more than 31 million Americans? 

Join me Tuesday, September 15 at 2p EST for a very special FB live conversation about Atopic Dermatitis with Dr. Peter Lio, Asst. Professor of Dermatology and Pediatrics at @northwesternu. 

We will be discussing what atopic dermatitis is, how it affects families, and the resources that you can trust if you, your kids, or family members are navigating a new (or ongoing) atopic dermatitis diagnosis.

Bring your questions because we will be answering them live!

Special thanks to @mediqcme for making this discussion possible!
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On the day my son was born, my father sent us a ca On the day my son was born, my father sent us a card.
“You’ll always remember the firsts but the lasts are the most precious,” he wrote.
She’s our last.
She was the last baby to walk with her fat feet on our hardwood floors.
She was the last one to go to kindergarten.
She was the one who napped on the go as her brother attended Mommy and Me classes and soccer practices.
She was the last one to have a single digit birthday in our house.
But for all of the firsts that have been afforded to her brother, she’s our first in so many ways.
She’s the first one to navigate freshman year during a hybrid school system in the midst of a pandemic.
She’s the first one to forge her way on a cross country team with teammates who have never had to race virtually.
She’s the first one to have had to face a high school career that looks infinitely different than the one her brother (a senior) has enjoyed.
She’s our last, yes.
But she’s the one who is teaching us to savor the moments when we get to see her race on the track while we wear masks and socially distance.
She’s the one who is brave enough to lean in to hybrid learning, mask and all, so that we can figure out how best to educate our kids in the coming years.
And, yes, she’s our last one to go to high school but she’s the first one to teach us what we really need to know in the midst of a pandemic.
The lastest really is the bestest.
#lifewithteens
Let’s face it: I’m all in on the bullshit. (Th Let’s face it: I’m all in on the bullshit. (Thanks, @modernmommymadness for being all about the bullshit, too.) #backtoschool #parentingteens #momofteens #motherhoodunplugged #parenting #pandemicparenting #quaranteens #bullshitquotes #allaboutthebullshit #keeperofthefruitloops
School starts tomorrow and I am READY, bitchachos. School starts tomorrow and I am READY, bitchachos. 💪🏻🍷📚#backtoschool #letsdothis #itsgonnatakeavineyard #covidclassroom #covidclassof2021 #quaranteens #momofteens #parentingteens #senioryear🎓 #freshmanyear
Well played, universe. (via: @ramblinma) #momoftee Well played, universe. (via: @ramblinma) #momofteenagers #parentingteens #motherhoodunplugged #momofteens #momtruth #wtf #keeperofthefruitloops #teenagers🙄 #sendhelp
So. I did a thing today. I went to a NASCAR race. So.
I did a thing today.
I went to a NASCAR race.
My first.
During a pandemic.
I know, I can't believe it, either.
But, when you are married to a man who eats, sleeps, and breathes cars, eventually you come to a point in your marriage when you realize that a trip to a major speedway is a marital inevitability.
I managed to avoid it for 21 years but today was the day.
And I have thoughts, in no particular order:
1). I was not prepared for the noise of the engines. And by "noise," I mean the constant reverberation deep into your soul for three. solid. hours. Loud does not begin to cover it.
2). I watched 38 cars whizz by me 301 times. I enjoyed seeing #43 drive by 301 times. Car #32? Not so much (#32 finished 35th. I was fine with that).
3). Every single person in the grandstands complied with the mask restrictions. It's not that hard, people. I watched thousands of people do it today. You can, too.
4). We didn't see a single confederate flag. #FistBumpNASCAR 
5). I couldn't hear a thing my family said for three hours. Actually, almost four hours. This was a major bonus.
6). Earplugs are necessary. Again, see #5.
7). The universe did me a solid and provided me with an overcast day as I did my "wifely duty" and pretended to be interested in the parade of cars that monotonously sped by me every thirty seconds. If it had been 100 degrees (like it apparently was last year), this status would be very different.
8). 301 laps takes a really long time. Like, a really long time.
9). I think NASCAR would have a bigger fan base if they served frozé wine and provided charcuterie. Hear me out on this, NASCAR.
10). Watching my husband and Fruit Loop #1 scream at each other (because noise and ear plugs) and gesticulate wildly at whatever was happening on the track while they soaked in their first NASCAR race together made it all worth it. I think. #PleaseLetUsHaveUsedEnoughHandSanitizer.
#nascar #loudonspeedway #newhampshiremotorspeedway #nascarracing #nascarlife
Well behaved women never make history...or some sh Well behaved women never make history...or some shit like that. 😏 
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143 days. I took this picture 143 days ago. I was 143 days.
I took this picture 143 days ago.
I was in Palm Springs and I had taken a tram ride with @mommybacktalk to San Jacinto National Park.
We hiked several miles for this view and I remember feeling relaxed and free of stress.
We were in PS to attend a conference and the whispers of an unknown virus were starting to swell.
“A virus out of China.”
“There’s no vaccine and it’s highly contagious. It could become a pandemic.”
“Wait. Corona is a beer...”
Though we didn’t shake hands with attendees, for the most part, we went about the business of “normal” life.
At a dinner with @monicagsakala and @mommybacktalk, we threw back glasses of wine and talked long into the night over gourmet macaroni and cheese that tasted like actual heaven on a fork.
We talked about politics, current events, and books we loved. No stories about kids, no griping about husbands. Just intelligent, stimulating conversation that I now realize was going to become a lifeline only a few weeks later.
I have no pictures of that dinner.
Just the memory of being with two good friends when life didn’t feel so fractured.
Now those friends are hours away, whether by car or plane, and I think about that night in CA almost every day.
The me from 143 days ago had no idea what was coming.
The me at the top of the mountain in the picture didn’t know that she should have savored the fresh air more, that she should have relished what it was like to be one in a crowd on a tram headed to scenic vistas.
I’ve been quiet here on IG because everything feels too much.
I’ve been trying to keep my family safe and maintain what’s left of my sanity in a world that feels prickly and dangerous.
I’ve been wearing a mask, using hand sanitizer, and obsessively watching the news for a sign that we are all going to be okay.
I’ve been looking for small pockets of joy in the middle of the dumpster fire that life has become.
And, I’m realizing that we are all climbing one hell of a mountain, together.
And, at some point, the view is going to be gorgeous.
We just have to keep climbing.
No matter how much our legs are telling us it's too hard to go on.
#keepclimbing
My old life was exhausting...what parts of your pr My old life was exhausting...what parts of your pre-quarantine life are you not going back to when your community opens up fully? @mommyneedsalife #quarantinelife #quarantineandchill #lifewithteens #parenting #parentingteens #momtruth #momhumor #momlife #motherhoodunplugged❤️
It was clear from the start that my kids got a goo It was clear from the start that my kids got a good one. ❤️ #happyfathersday2020 #pandemicparenting #lifewithteens #parentingteens #dadlifeisthebestlife #fathersday #fathersday2020 #quarantinelife
It’s not you, it’s me. Probably. @natecomedy # It’s not you, it’s me. Probably. @natecomedy #quarantinelife #pandemichumor😄 #lifewithteens #lifewithteenagers #momofteens #parentingteens #howcanimissyouifyouwontgoaway #momtruth #motherhoodunplugged
“Mom? Can I hang out with my friends tonight? I “Mom? Can I hang out with  my friends tonight? I need a ride.”
Those words seemed to be on auto repeat last summer.
He had a social life.
I had the driver’s license.
He wanted to stay a half hour later.
I gave him all kinds of hell for upending my evening so that he could hang for a bit more with his friends.
But then he bought his car.
And passed his driver’s test not long after.
My car hasn’t found him folding his lanky frame into the passenger seat in almost a year.
I miss seeing him there.
Tonight, I wanted to see my friends for a couple of socially distanced glasses of wine and I didn’t want to drive.
“Hey, I’d like to hang out with my friends tonight. Can you give me a ride?” I said to him.
And of course, he took every opportunity to give me a dose of my own medicine in jest:
“You know, I have plans this evening, too, Mom.”
“I want you outside by 830p because I’ll be waiting.”
“No, you can’t stay til 9, I don’t care what the other moms are doing.”
It was a full circle moment.
After he picked me up and we swung by the local ice cream shop so he could get a treat for him and his sister, we drove home with the windows down on a summer night.
For a few moments, it was like old times.
I’ve missed him, even though we’ve been home together for months in quarantine.
And when Def Leppard blared on the radio and he dialed it up while singing every word, I remembered what it was like to be seventeen. @joe_burke0227 
#lifewithteens #momofteens #quarantinelife #quaranteens #pandemiclife #parentinginquarantine #momtruth #motherhoodunplugged #momofteenslife
We can get new backpacks and lunch boxes, too, rig We can get new backpacks and lunch boxes, too, right? @ellie_schnitt #pandemic2020 #pandemiclife #quarantinelife #quarantineandchill #workfromhomemom #workfromhomelife #momofteens
#blackoutday2020 #blackoutday2020
Moms are gonna drop it like it’s hot, yo. #tgif Moms are gonna drop it like it’s hot, yo. #tgif #thankgoditsfriday #pandemiclife #quarantineandchill #quarantineandchill2020 #momlife #momtruth #lifewithteensandtweens #lifewithteens #letsgetthispartystarted🎉 #quarantinesucks😷
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