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You are here: Home / Parenting Is Hard Enough / I Wasn’t Prepared For My Son’s Grown Up Smile

I Wasn’t Prepared For My Son’s Grown Up Smile

September 23, 2018 By Christine Leave a Comment

We paused outside of the orthodontist’s office for one last picture of my son with his braces.

Today was two and a half years in the making: his braces were finally coming off.

Though he’s used to me documenting his childhood milestones with silly selfies and pictures of him with his friends, my son still rolled his eyes as I dug my camera out of my purse.

“Smile!” I sang.

He leaned up against the brick wall and rewarded me with a huge, metal mouthed grin.

I had no way of knowing then how much I’d miss that smile.

He was greeted by the office staff and ushered back to the exam room for the last time. I could hear him laughing with the staff as they celebrated and took pictures of his newly straightened teeth.

“Well, I can eat gummy bears and corn on the cob tonight,” he announced when he rejoined me in the waiting room, flashing a practically bioluminescent smile at me expectantly.

His new smile took my breath away.

There, in front of me, was his grown up smile.

My son has a grown up smile.

His face had completely changed and where a prepubescent boy had stood before his appointment, now, it seemed that a man had replaced my fifteen year old son.

I looked closely at his new teeth, anxious to see what two and a half years and several thousand dollars purchased, and I noticed one of his teeth wasn’t quite perfect, still a little crooked.

I found myself realizing that I’d be looking at that crooked tooth on the day I leave him in his dorm room. And my heart felt heavy suddenly.

As he ran his tongue over his teeth and excitedly rooted through the gift bag the hygienist had given him, I fought the urge to fall into a pile of tears.

My little boy had grown up right before my eyes and I didn’t see it coming.

He has a grown up smile. The smile he will have when he has his first job interview, the smile he’ll flash at bars when he’s trying to get a girl’s number.

The smile he’ll shine towards me on the day he gets married, the day I’ll dance with him at his wedding while trying not to remember that he told me when he was three that he’d marry me.

I’ll notice that crooked tooth, slightly askew on the day he brings his first-born home from the hospital and the memory of this day will come flooding right back to me.

No one tells you that braces anchor your baby to childhood.

Parents measure so many milestones with teeth, it seems.

Those nights when you are wearing a path in the carpet in the hallway at 2 am while you rock a teething baby cutting his first tooth.

That first grin where a teeny tooth pokes out and you clap with glee because you can start solid food.

The sounds of “Mommy, I lost my tooth!” as your daughter dashes off the bus, carefully holding her treasure so as to not lose it before hiding it for the tooth fairy.

Those pictures of your kids looking like jack o lanterns suddenly become more precious when your child looks at you with their grown up smile.

Their grown up smile is one more step towards adulthood, towards independence.

Their brackets and wires seeming to tether them to their teenage years, as if to hold them back for just a little longer before they conquer the world.

And I didn’t see it coming.

All those years of celebrating the firsts with my children and their teeth, I didn’t see the lasts coming.

The grief I felt on the last night my husband and I played the role of the tooth fairy caught me unaware. As I watched her sleep as my husband slipped her prize under her pillow, tears silently filled my cheeks.

A house suddenly devoid of baby teeth hurts more than you’d expect.

And, on that sunny morning, when I made my son stop to take a picture before having his braces removed, I had no idea that it was the last time I’d see him as a little boy. I carry that hurt deep in my heart because no one tells you that you wish you could keep your baby in braces forever.

Every morning, when he smiles at me, I see the man he’s about to become.

Every night, when he grins and kisses me goodnight, I see the dreams he’s about to realize.

I look at his tooth, the one that is slightly askew, and know that it’s a gift. I’m about to share a lifetime of adult memories with him and his grown up smile. I just need to brace myself for the years to come.

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Nurse. Wife. Mom. Runner. Blogger. Writer. Thrift Shop Junkie. Sauvignon Blanc Snob.
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When I was thinking about how I wanted to write ab When I was thinking about how I wanted to write about eczema for a project with @mediqcme, I was reminded of a time a few years ago when I had the world’s worst case of poison ivy.
After a marathon session of gardening, I’d managed to swipe a huge swath of poison ivy oil across my chest, left flank, and left side of my face.
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I couldn’t wear my favorite clothing because my lesions were constantly weeping.
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That’s when the real hell began. I’m a high energy person without the aid of stimulants (I really should switch to decaf, I know) and steroids make me a next-level handful, trust me.
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I was miserable, yes, but thankfully, I eventually healed and soon forgot about my six weeks of poison ivy hell.
But, 9-year-old Elizabeth told me that living with atopic dermatitis means that itching from the inside out is a way of life for her and, in her words, itchy skin makes her feel “bad” most of the time.
Head to my IG stories to read more about life with #atopicdermatitis and how it affects almost 31 million Americans (10 million of which are kids).
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Why is it that when the temp dips to 50 degrees in Why is it that when the temp dips to 50 degrees in September, I can’t wait to wear sweaters and scarves but, in April, I’m pretty much wearing shorts and tank tops?
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Do you have eczema? Does someone you know and love Do you have eczema? Does someone you know and love have atopic dermatitis, a chronic skin condition that affects more than 31 million Americans? 

Join me Tuesday, September 15 at 2p EST for a very special FB live conversation about Atopic Dermatitis with Dr. Peter Lio, Asst. Professor of Dermatology and Pediatrics at @northwesternu. 

We will be discussing what atopic dermatitis is, how it affects families, and the resources that you can trust if you, your kids, or family members are navigating a new (or ongoing) atopic dermatitis diagnosis.

Bring your questions because we will be answering them live!

Special thanks to @mediqcme for making this discussion possible!
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On the day my son was born, my father sent us a ca On the day my son was born, my father sent us a card.
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She’s our last.
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She was the last one to go to kindergarten.
She was the one who napped on the go as her brother attended Mommy and Me classes and soccer practices.
She was the last one to have a single digit birthday in our house.
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She’s the first one to forge her way on a cross country team with teammates who have never had to race virtually.
She’s the first one to have had to face a high school career that looks infinitely different than the one her brother (a senior) has enjoyed.
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She’s the one who is brave enough to lean in to hybrid learning, mask and all, so that we can figure out how best to educate our kids in the coming years.
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#lifewithteens
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I did a thing today.
I went to a NASCAR race.
My first.
During a pandemic.
I know, I can't believe it, either.
But, when you are married to a man who eats, sleeps, and breathes cars, eventually you come to a point in your marriage when you realize that a trip to a major speedway is a marital inevitability.
I managed to avoid it for 21 years but today was the day.
And I have thoughts, in no particular order:
1). I was not prepared for the noise of the engines. And by "noise," I mean the constant reverberation deep into your soul for three. solid. hours. Loud does not begin to cover it.
2). I watched 38 cars whizz by me 301 times. I enjoyed seeing #43 drive by 301 times. Car #32? Not so much (#32 finished 35th. I was fine with that).
3). Every single person in the grandstands complied with the mask restrictions. It's not that hard, people. I watched thousands of people do it today. You can, too.
4). We didn't see a single confederate flag. #FistBumpNASCAR 
5). I couldn't hear a thing my family said for three hours. Actually, almost four hours. This was a major bonus.
6). Earplugs are necessary. Again, see #5.
7). The universe did me a solid and provided me with an overcast day as I did my "wifely duty" and pretended to be interested in the parade of cars that monotonously sped by me every thirty seconds. If it had been 100 degrees (like it apparently was last year), this status would be very different.
8). 301 laps takes a really long time. Like, a really long time.
9). I think NASCAR would have a bigger fan base if they served frozé wine and provided charcuterie. Hear me out on this, NASCAR.
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143 days. I took this picture 143 days ago. I was 143 days.
I took this picture 143 days ago.
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We hiked several miles for this view and I remember feeling relaxed and free of stress.
We were in PS to attend a conference and the whispers of an unknown virus were starting to swell.
“A virus out of China.”
“There’s no vaccine and it’s highly contagious. It could become a pandemic.”
“Wait. Corona is a beer...”
Though we didn’t shake hands with attendees, for the most part, we went about the business of “normal” life.
At a dinner with @monicagsakala and @mommybacktalk, we threw back glasses of wine and talked long into the night over gourmet macaroni and cheese that tasted like actual heaven on a fork.
We talked about politics, current events, and books we loved. No stories about kids, no griping about husbands. Just intelligent, stimulating conversation that I now realize was going to become a lifeline only a few weeks later.
I have no pictures of that dinner.
Just the memory of being with two good friends when life didn’t feel so fractured.
Now those friends are hours away, whether by car or plane, and I think about that night in CA almost every day.
The me from 143 days ago had no idea what was coming.
The me at the top of the mountain in the picture didn’t know that she should have savored the fresh air more, that she should have relished what it was like to be one in a crowd on a tram headed to scenic vistas.
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I’ve been looking for small pockets of joy in the middle of the dumpster fire that life has become.
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And, at some point, the view is going to be gorgeous.
We just have to keep climbing.
No matter how much our legs are telling us it's too hard to go on.
#keepclimbing
My old life was exhausting...what parts of your pr My old life was exhausting...what parts of your pre-quarantine life are you not going back to when your community opens up fully? @mommyneedsalife #quarantinelife #quarantineandchill #lifewithteens #parenting #parentingteens #momtruth #momhumor #momlife #motherhoodunplugged❤️
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I had the driver’s license.
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And passed his driver’s test not long after.
My car hasn’t found him folding his lanky frame into the passenger seat in almost a year.
I miss seeing him there.
Tonight, I wanted to see my friends for a couple of socially distanced glasses of wine and I didn’t want to drive.
“Hey, I’d like to hang out with my friends tonight. Can you give me a ride?” I said to him.
And of course, he took every opportunity to give me a dose of my own medicine in jest:
“You know, I have plans this evening, too, Mom.”
“I want you outside by 830p because I’ll be waiting.”
“No, you can’t stay til 9, I don’t care what the other moms are doing.”
It was a full circle moment.
After he picked me up and we swung by the local ice cream shop so he could get a treat for him and his sister, we drove home with the windows down on a summer night.
For a few moments, it was like old times.
I’ve missed him, even though we’ve been home together for months in quarantine.
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We can get new backpacks and lunch boxes, too, rig We can get new backpacks and lunch boxes, too, right? @ellie_schnitt #pandemic2020 #pandemiclife #quarantinelife #quarantineandchill #workfromhomemom #workfromhomelife #momofteens
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