As most GenXers will tell you, Halloween as we know it today was a lot different when we were kids. A LOT different. The candy choices were limited to products made by Hershey and Mars, we were able to roam neighborhood after neighborhood without parents tracking us via phone apps and everyone collected money for Unicef as we went door to for asking for food and treats.
It was a simpler time: our costumes were made from stuff we grabbed around the house about an hour before we left and no one decorated their houses as if Halloween was the new Christmas. October 31st meant a quick, DIY costume, a pillow case of candy and a group of friends to share the fun.
But today, Halloween is a big deal. HUGE. Entire websites are devoted to making sure parents feel completely inadequate as they try to cobble together costumes the night before Halloween (I’m looking at you, Pinterest….). Costumes are planned months in advance and there are THEMES, people. And, gone are the days of wearing the costume just on the big day, too. Now, it seems kids wear their costumes for the entire month of October what with school parades, scouts, parties and the actual holiday.
Halloween has become the new Christmas.
And I have a confession to make: I am soooooo guilty of being one of “THOSE” parents when it comes to costumes.
It started out innocently enough. When Fruit Loop #1 arrived, I was excited to finally have a child to show off house to house. His first costume was a store bought Frankenbaby deal and it received rave reviews from all the neighbors. Not wanting to lose momentum, the following year was a bright red Elmo costume, followed by Thomas the Tank when he was three.
Exhibits A, B and C:
And then Fruit Loop #2 came along and it all went to hell. I now had TWO children to dress up and as everyone knows, I loves me a theme. Since they were too little to say no, I made sure to go big or go home. I mean, they have to have SOME reason to go to a therapist when they are older, right?
I am guilty of planning months in advance. I have been known to get my sewing machine out in September to start creating their costumes. And, yes, I spend all of Halloween night patting myself on the back for a job well done.
Between Halloween costumes and cake decorating, I’m the reason you hate Pinterest. Sorry not sorry, bitchachos.
Here’s a look at some of my Halloween Hall of Famers……..
Yes, they were Captain Hook and Tinkerbell. Shut up.
And a Fireman and a Dalmation. Someone please rescue me from the cuteness.
The year they were a Fried Egg and a Chicken definitely answered the age old question of which came first. The egg, obvi.
I’m particularly proud of the Toy Story Army Guy and Little Bo Peep. LET ME HAVE THIS MOMENT, OKAY?
Yes. I convinced Fruit Loop #1 to wear a can light on his head, duct material on his arms and legs and a turkey roaster on his body. I should note that this was one of his favorite costumes, thankyouverymuch.
But, if I had to choose the costume of which I’m most proud, the costumes that made me beam with pride, the costumes that made me drop more F bombs than a hundred sailors on their way to war, it would have to be Dorothy and The Tornado. Yes. A tornado.
Please note the giant, felt wrapped plastic planter affixed to the top of Fruit Loop #1’s head, bitchachos. This one was NO JOKE. I totally won Halloween in 2014.
Sadly, the Fruit Loops are slowly aging out of Halloween and I know my costume designing days are numbered. This year will be a quiet affair: Fruit Loop #1 will be trick or treating as Doc Brown (to his BFF’s Marty McFly) and Fruit Loop #2 is going to be a run of the mill snow princess. They both politely told me to “take the year off” when it came to their costumes which I immediately realized was code for “Pleasemomcanyoujuststopwehaveenoughmaterialforthetherapist”. Sigh. Double sigh.
But, when our puppy gets here in the spring, you better believe we will have the best dressed canine on the block. Imma WIN at Dog Halloween, bitchachos.