Remember the movie “Grease”?
Remember “Good Sandy”? You know, all blonde, prim, proper and dainty singing “Hopelessly Devoted To You” into a pool in the backyard?
Remember “Bad Sandy”? Black leather pants, red hooker heels and curly hair singing to John Travolta and then disappearing off into the sky in a 57 Chevy?
(Note: the correct answers here MUST be YES because if you just answered “no”, I’m going to be forced to ask you to leave with the knowledge that we can never, ever recover from the huge crack in our friendship. Please feel free to go watch the movie and come back. But only if you know every single word to “We Go Together”. And the Hand Jive movements. And the exact right intonation of “Tell me ’bout it, Stud”…)
Admit it: Good Sandy was fun and all but, let’s face it: Bad Sandy is who we REALLY wanted to hang out with, right? If for no other reason than we’d get to ask John Travolta exactly what is UP with his hair. No disrespect, Rizzo….you will still get to be Pink Lady #1.
If I had a choice, I’d totally pick Bad Sandy every day of the week and twice on Sundays.
And now Bad Sandy is HERE. On my blog.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t pee my pants excited that Bad Sandy is here in my cereal bowl for a visit. SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
My friend Meredith is the genius behind the blog, Bad Sandy, and frankly, any blog with the tag line “terrible things said nicely” is a blog that I will gladly read. She describes herself as “a recovered actress” and says she’s “a glass half annoying girl”.
We like glass half annoying girls, don’t we, Fruit Loop Group?
Because this is my blog and I get to do things the way I want to, I decided to ask Meredith a few investigative, journalistically appropriate questions to help you all really get to know Miss Bad Sandy. And, she was nice enough to answer them without rolling her eyes too much or asking the T Birds to rough me up. Picture us in a beautifully appointed room, both sitting adjacent to each other in overstuffed chairs and perfect makeup. Soft lighting to ease the wrinkles (think Moonlighting) and both wearing Louboutins that have perfect red soles because we only wear them on carpeting. There. Mood set. Now, I give you:
Me: What’s the most obnoxious thing you’ve seen today so far?
BS: I live in LA where we’ve mastered obnoxious so I’ve seen a lot and it’s only 2 pm. Most obnoxious so far is the either the guy in my yoga class who did 10 minutes of headstands BEFORE class started (we get it: you’re really strong) or the guy walking backwards for half a mile for no apparent reason. Only in LA do people have mobile dyslexia and call it a fitness routine. (This is why I can’t live on the West Coast…I’d be beaten up regularly for laughing my ass off in yoga class).
Me: Do you wear leather pants like Bad Sandy in Grease?
BS: I do! But only on skinny days where I don’t mind having a sweating vagina. Leather pants = steamy lady parts. (My condolences to her dry cleaner).
Me: What blogs do you read religiously? Why? And, have you told them about MY blog?
BS: I always read The Bloggess because I have a talent crush on her. I always read Go Fug Yourself because it’s just too good. I always read Nomad Mom Diary because Lynn Morrison always brings it. And I always, always, always read Bad Parenting Moments because Bethany is a star and is as good a writer as anyone out there.
I haven’t told them about your blog but I will…… (Note: she may have rolled her eyes here.)
Me: What is your biggest blogging pet peeve? You may NOT answer “Blog interview questions from annoying peons”.
BS: I can’t stand bloggers who blog about blogging as if their whole audience is bloggers…. I also kind of hate it when bloggers use their blogs as their own personal therapy session. I think bloggers/writers/whatever owe their audience (even if it’s just mom and the UPS man reading) a good story, not just a personal dump or vent session. And, for my own blog, I hate when family members email me typos. I’m a big fan of them just telling me how funny I am and letting me live in a world where I meant “pencil” and it auto correct to “penis”. (Eyebrow raise to my brother. Love you, bro, but seriously, no more typo texts, m’kay?).
Me: What books are on your nightstand?
BS: Tiny Ladies In Shiny Pants by Jill Solloway. It’s an oldie but goodie and I’ve read it a zillion times and can’t get enough. She really knows how to make a girl giggle. And Where’d You Go, Bernadette by Maria Semple, which I just devoured like chocolate. (I find it strange that she does NOT have a copy of I Just Want To Be Alone on her nightstand. WTF, Bad Sandy?)
Great interview, right? We like BS, right? Say yes. Nod your heads. Good.
You totally want to read more, don’t you?
Well, you are in luck since Miss Bad Sandy has decided to share one of her most popular pieces with us. About Hello Kitty. Not having a mouth. Uh huh. She goes there. And she uses potty language. But she’s Bad Sandy. She’s probably cursing because her pee pee is sweaty in those leather pants. Allow her some latitude, m’kay?