Keeper of the Fruit Loops

I am The Keeper of The Fruit Loops, Manager of the Fecal Roster and the Driver of the People Mover. In other words, I'm a mom.

  • Home
  • Awards And Books!
  • Loop Scoop
  • See The Keeper
  • Find The Keeper
  • The Keeper On The Today Show


You are here: Home / Parenting Is Hard Enough / Laura Ingalls I Am Not (Or: 5 Reasons I Hate Camping)

Laura Ingalls I Am Not (Or: 5 Reasons I Hate Camping)

August 19, 2013 By Christine 3 Comments

Growing up, I used to watch Little House on the Prairie and dream of being Laura Ingalls Wilder.  She was the only girl I knew who had her own horse, got to use an outhouse and spent her days fishing in creeks.  She had adventure after adventure in that little house by Plum Creek and her cute little braids barely got mussed by days end.  She made roughing it in the 1800s look easy. And fun.

Ahem. Have you ever BEEN camping with a tent?  If you haven’t, I have news for you: Laura Ingalls Wilder and her cute little braids LIED. Roughing is not fun and it is most certainly NOT easy. In fact, it’s more work than I do at home and frankly, I’m not quite sure why people still do it since the invention of free standing houses.

This past weekend, the Hubby, two Fruit Loops and I went camping.  Real live camping.  In a tent.  With bugs and crickets the size of a kiwi. And I used an outhouse (well, it wasn’t made out of planks over a hole in the ground but it was still a bathroom not connected to my abode). I had the pleasure of spending 72 hours living in a 20 x 20 campground space with nothing more than a tent and a picnic table. And three other people.

Needless to say, I found something out about myself this weekend: Laura Ingalls Wilder, I am not.  And, while I recognize that many of my friends find sheer enjoyment from living off the land and out under the bright, starlit sky, I’m not ashamed to say that I actually don’t enjoy the experience all that much.  I’m outdoorsy enough to do a triathlon in a goose poop infested lake but frankly, I don’t feel the need to prove that I’m hard core by peeing on a bush and using bark as toilet paper.  Which leads me to:

5 Reasons I Hate Camping

1).  Packing for Camping = Playing Camp Gear Tetris with your car.
To go tent camping, one must basically pack every single thing they own in their home and bring it with them to the campsite.  You want coffee? You must bring instant coffee, a mug, a receptacle to heat hot water in, a grill or grate to place said receptacle on to heat the water, a fire source and wood.  That’s six items to pack for something as necessary as a cup of coffee. Six. You want eggs and bacon for breakfast? You must pack eggs, bacon, 9 bags of ice to keep them cold for three days, a cooler, a cast iron skillet, and cooking spray (Note:  you don’t have to pack a fire source and wood because you already need those for the coffee you will be making). That’s 13 items for eggs and bacon. And so it goes with every single thing you plan to do while you are out in the wilderness for three days. I would venture to guess that I brought 156 things to survive in the wild.  It would have been 157 if I had actually been able to fit my kitchen sink into the car.

2).  Outhouses are stressful.
Now, the place we went camping was lovely, truly. Their bathhouse facilities are stellar, clean and well maintained.  However, these gorgeous oases of bathing were not connected to my tent which means that, at 4 am, I have some decisions to make.  The process of crawling out of a sleeping bag, feeling around in the dark for my glasses, donning shoes and trudging up to the bathroom is one that I only want to do if absolutely necessary and not more than once in a night.  So, as I lay in my sleeping bag, I’m playing the “how badly do I have to go?” game and wind up having a lengthy conversation with myself to remember to fluid restrict after 6 pm while camping.  And, of course, when I finally do make the decision to use the facilities, so does everyone else in my tent. What would be a quick visit to the commode at home turns into a 45 minute odyssey complete with flashlights. Having to plan your visits to the bathroom is just stressful and another reason I’m not made to rough it.

3).  Tents do not have deadbolts.
While we did have the option to rent a cabin, I opted to use our delightful LL Bean 6 person tent for our adventure. This seemed like a sensible idea in February when I made the reservations. But, as I stared up through the tent skylight while trying to fall asleep and ignoring the rocks in my back, I realized that the only thing between me, my kids and a bear was a thin sheet of nylon. One single swoop of a bear’s paw and he’d have a tasty meal of Beef a La Burke on his hands. Of course, since we were camping at Yogi Bear’s Shangri-la on the Creek, the likelihood of running into a bear that wasn’t a person in a costume was fairly low. But, I’m not going to lie:  sleeping in a tent leaves you feeling very exposed to bandits, animals and The Dread Pirate Roberts. The fact that I couldn’t deadbolt us into the tent made me tense and I’d be lying if I said I slept with both eyes closed.

4).  Every air mattress on the planet has a slow air leak.
I have a theory that air mattress makers purposely put teeny tiny air holes into every mattress they manufacture.  Air mattress factories are undoubtedly filled with employees armed with pins who giggle all day long about the stupid schmucks who drag their products into the woods. I have yet to buy an air mattress that doesn’t have a hole in it and I’ve yet to meet someone who has purchased one that doesn’t leak. Ours was no exception this weekend. Friday night found our backsides slowly sinking toward the ground and the air leak was, in fact, confirmed when Hubby got up to use the stressful outhouse and I abruptly free fell 6 inches to the ground in a nanosecond. Of course, this was at 2 am and I defy you to construct a duct tape solution at that hour.  Even after he spent an hour looking at the mattress in the daylight, Hubby never could find the source leading to another night of stellar sleep. I know I heard the belly laughter of some air mattress manufacturer in the distance….

5). Camping = Folding and Unfolding and Folding and Unfolding….
When you go tent camping, you fold up your tent to unfold it at your campsite. Then, you fold it up to take it home only to unfold it to air the insidious campfire smell out of it. And then you fold it up again to store it until the next time you suffer a momentary break with reality and decide to go camping again.  You also do this with your sleeping bags, leaky air mattresses, blankets, table cloths, towels and clothing. The amount of folding and refolding that happens in the course of a camping weekend is just downright ridiculous. I’d estimate that Hubby and I spent a total of two full hours this weekend just folding and unfolding, packing and unpacking. I can do that in my laundry room on any given day and the risk of bugs, poison ivy and bears is minimal.

Now, it must be said, that I do enjoy the escape that camping provides. We spent the weekend not only as a family but also with eleven other families we very much enjoy and, who, to their credit, didn’t laugh too hard at us as they peered out the windows of their tricked out, Shangri-las on wheels. As we adults sat around the campfire and the children ran amuck around the campgrounds, the feeling of community abounded and the sense that we’d gotten back to basics was in the air (so was a ton of campfire smoke but I digress…). The kids checked in when they were hungry and the adults knocked on each other’s doors to borrow mustard or a bottle opener, much like the bygone days we grew up in.  There was much face to face conversation, lots of laughter and bonds renewed between friends. And, truth be told, a lot of beer.

And, so, as I sit here typing with a view of our tent airing out in my backyard, I’m already planning our next camping trip.  In a cabin, preferably with Marriott in the title…..

Fruit Loops Are For Sharing

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way Tagged With: camping, I hate camping

Comments

  1. Caroline says

    August 15, 2015 at 8:38 am

    I am laughing as I read your post. My husband and I camp and enjoy it but car Tetris is required.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Find Your Favorite Posts!

Fruit Loops Are Social. You should be, too. Ahem.

Subscribe Via Email

Top Posts & Pages

  • I Miss The Noise and It's Too Quiet
    I Miss The Noise and It's Too Quiet
  • Itching from The Inside Out, Part 2: Climbing the Ladder of Atopic Dermatitis Treatment
    Itching from The Inside Out, Part 2: Climbing the Ladder of Atopic Dermatitis Treatment
  • 10 Parenting Truths Other Mothers Won't Tell You...But I Will
    10 Parenting Truths Other Mothers Won't Tell You...But I Will
  • Give A Mom A Smart Phone and She'll Rule The World
    Give A Mom A Smart Phone and She'll Rule The World
  • This Mom Runs On Prozac
    This Mom Runs On Prozac

The Keeper on Instagram!

fruitloopkeeper

Nurse. Wife. Mom. Runner. Blogger. Writer. Thrift Shop Junkie. Sauvignon Blanc Snob.
Social Media Manager for @hermoneymedia and @jeanchatzky.

It’s time to let the world swallow your whole s It’s time to let the world swallow your  whole self, bitchachos. And you can hand the haters a glass of milk if they are having trouble. #bringit #momtruth #parentingtruth #iamwhoiam #nojoke #mywholeself
Can we all agree that our pets are the real winner Can we all agree that our pets are the real winners of the quarantine?
For six months, this dog has had four people to cuddle her, give her treats, and take her for walks at the drop of a hat. And she does not care if she interrupts a Zoom call to protect us from the UPS guy.
And, yes, she’s been forced to take more selfies than she’d like but sorry not sorry, #daisytheshihtzu.
What are these pets gonna do if we ever have to go back to “real” life?
#petsofinstagram #shihtzusofinstagram #shihtzulovers #shihtzusgram_feature #quarantinelife #petsofquarantine #lifewithdaisy
No words. RIP, #rbg. Fly with the angels and rest No words. RIP, #rbg. Fly with the angels and rest easy. We won’t let you down. Also? SOMEONE FIND BETTY WHITE RIGHT NOW. #ruthbaderginsburg #suckit2020 #wtf #notoriousrbg #ruthbaderginsburgismyhero
When I was thinking about how I wanted to write ab When I was thinking about how I wanted to write about eczema for a project with @mediqcme, I was reminded of a time a few years ago when I had the world’s worst case of poison ivy.
After a marathon session of gardening, I’d managed to swipe a huge swath of poison ivy oil across my chest, left flank, and left side of my face.
Within days, I was in agony: huge, weeping crusted pustules covered my body and as the days turned into weeks, my skin screamed at me for attention at every given moment.
I couldn’t sleep.
I couldn’t wear my favorite clothing because my lesions were constantly weeping.
And then came the steroids.
That’s when the real hell began. I’m a high energy person without the aid of stimulants (I really should switch to decaf, I know) and steroids make me a next-level handful, trust me.
For six weeks, every decision I made revolved around my skin: how to sit comfortably, what position made sleep come more easily, even bathing became a chore because nothing helped allay the itch that seemed to come from the inside out.
I was miserable, yes, but thankfully, I eventually healed and soon forgot about my six weeks of poison ivy hell.
But, 9-year-old Elizabeth told me that living with atopic dermatitis means that itching from the inside out is a way of life for her and, in her words, itchy skin makes her feel “bad” most of the time.
Head to my IG stories to read more about life with #atopicdermatitis and how it affects almost 31 million Americans (10 million of which are kids).
#itchyskinhelp #chroniceczema #eczema #eczemarelief #atopicdermatitistreatment
Why is it that when the temp dips to 50 degrees in Why is it that when the temp dips to 50 degrees in September, I can’t wait to wear sweaters and scarves but, in April, I’m pretty much wearing shorts and tank tops?
#hardhittingquestions #fallproblems #sweaterweather #falllife #fallfashion #fallvibes #conundrum #yorkbeach #yorkbeachme
Do you have eczema? Does someone you know and love Do you have eczema? Does someone you know and love have atopic dermatitis, a chronic skin condition that affects more than 31 million Americans? 

Join me Tuesday, September 15 at 2p EST for a very special FB live conversation about Atopic Dermatitis with Dr. Peter Lio, Asst. Professor of Dermatology and Pediatrics at @northwesternu. 

We will be discussing what atopic dermatitis is, how it affects families, and the resources that you can trust if you, your kids, or family members are navigating a new (or ongoing) atopic dermatitis diagnosis.

Bring your questions because we will be answering them live!

Special thanks to @mediqcme for making this discussion possible!
#itchyskinhelp
On the day my son was born, my father sent us a ca On the day my son was born, my father sent us a card.
“You’ll always remember the firsts but the lasts are the most precious,” he wrote.
She’s our last.
She was the last baby to walk with her fat feet on our hardwood floors.
She was the last one to go to kindergarten.
She was the one who napped on the go as her brother attended Mommy and Me classes and soccer practices.
She was the last one to have a single digit birthday in our house.
But for all of the firsts that have been afforded to her brother, she’s our first in so many ways.
She’s the first one to navigate freshman year during a hybrid school system in the midst of a pandemic.
She’s the first one to forge her way on a cross country team with teammates who have never had to race virtually.
She’s the first one to have had to face a high school career that looks infinitely different than the one her brother (a senior) has enjoyed.
She’s our last, yes.
But she’s the one who is teaching us to savor the moments when we get to see her race on the track while we wear masks and socially distance.
She’s the one who is brave enough to lean in to hybrid learning, mask and all, so that we can figure out how best to educate our kids in the coming years.
And, yes, she’s our last one to go to high school but she’s the first one to teach us what we really need to know in the midst of a pandemic.
The lastest really is the bestest.
#lifewithteens
Let’s face it: I’m all in on the bullshit. (Th Let’s face it: I’m all in on the bullshit. (Thanks, @modernmommymadness for being all about the bullshit, too.) #backtoschool #parentingteens #momofteens #motherhoodunplugged #parenting #pandemicparenting #quaranteens #bullshitquotes #allaboutthebullshit #keeperofthefruitloops
School starts tomorrow and I am READY, bitchachos. School starts tomorrow and I am READY, bitchachos. 💪🏻🍷📚#backtoschool #letsdothis #itsgonnatakeavineyard #covidclassroom #covidclassof2021 #quaranteens #momofteens #parentingteens #senioryear🎓 #freshmanyear
Well played, universe. (via: @ramblinma) #momoftee Well played, universe. (via: @ramblinma) #momofteenagers #parentingteens #motherhoodunplugged #momofteens #momtruth #wtf #keeperofthefruitloops #teenagers🙄 #sendhelp
So. I did a thing today. I went to a NASCAR race. So.
I did a thing today.
I went to a NASCAR race.
My first.
During a pandemic.
I know, I can't believe it, either.
But, when you are married to a man who eats, sleeps, and breathes cars, eventually you come to a point in your marriage when you realize that a trip to a major speedway is a marital inevitability.
I managed to avoid it for 21 years but today was the day.
And I have thoughts, in no particular order:
1). I was not prepared for the noise of the engines. And by "noise," I mean the constant reverberation deep into your soul for three. solid. hours. Loud does not begin to cover it.
2). I watched 38 cars whizz by me 301 times. I enjoyed seeing #43 drive by 301 times. Car #32? Not so much (#32 finished 35th. I was fine with that).
3). Every single person in the grandstands complied with the mask restrictions. It's not that hard, people. I watched thousands of people do it today. You can, too.
4). We didn't see a single confederate flag. #FistBumpNASCAR 
5). I couldn't hear a thing my family said for three hours. Actually, almost four hours. This was a major bonus.
6). Earplugs are necessary. Again, see #5.
7). The universe did me a solid and provided me with an overcast day as I did my "wifely duty" and pretended to be interested in the parade of cars that monotonously sped by me every thirty seconds. If it had been 100 degrees (like it apparently was last year), this status would be very different.
8). 301 laps takes a really long time. Like, a really long time.
9). I think NASCAR would have a bigger fan base if they served frozé wine and provided charcuterie. Hear me out on this, NASCAR.
10). Watching my husband and Fruit Loop #1 scream at each other (because noise and ear plugs) and gesticulate wildly at whatever was happening on the track while they soaked in their first NASCAR race together made it all worth it. I think. #PleaseLetUsHaveUsedEnoughHandSanitizer.
#nascar #loudonspeedway #newhampshiremotorspeedway #nascarracing #nascarlife
Well behaved women never make history...or some sh Well behaved women never make history...or some shit like that. 😏 
#motherhoodunplugged #momtruth #nevershutup #keeperofthefruitloops #mouthybitch #speakyourtruth #speakup
143 days. I took this picture 143 days ago. I was 143 days.
I took this picture 143 days ago.
I was in Palm Springs and I had taken a tram ride with @mommybacktalk to San Jacinto National Park.
We hiked several miles for this view and I remember feeling relaxed and free of stress.
We were in PS to attend a conference and the whispers of an unknown virus were starting to swell.
“A virus out of China.”
“There’s no vaccine and it’s highly contagious. It could become a pandemic.”
“Wait. Corona is a beer...”
Though we didn’t shake hands with attendees, for the most part, we went about the business of “normal” life.
At a dinner with @monicagsakala and @mommybacktalk, we threw back glasses of wine and talked long into the night over gourmet macaroni and cheese that tasted like actual heaven on a fork.
We talked about politics, current events, and books we loved. No stories about kids, no griping about husbands. Just intelligent, stimulating conversation that I now realize was going to become a lifeline only a few weeks later.
I have no pictures of that dinner.
Just the memory of being with two good friends when life didn’t feel so fractured.
Now those friends are hours away, whether by car or plane, and I think about that night in CA almost every day.
The me from 143 days ago had no idea what was coming.
The me at the top of the mountain in the picture didn’t know that she should have savored the fresh air more, that she should have relished what it was like to be one in a crowd on a tram headed to scenic vistas.
I’ve been quiet here on IG because everything feels too much.
I’ve been trying to keep my family safe and maintain what’s left of my sanity in a world that feels prickly and dangerous.
I’ve been wearing a mask, using hand sanitizer, and obsessively watching the news for a sign that we are all going to be okay.
I’ve been looking for small pockets of joy in the middle of the dumpster fire that life has become.
And, I’m realizing that we are all climbing one hell of a mountain, together.
And, at some point, the view is going to be gorgeous.
We just have to keep climbing.
No matter how much our legs are telling us it's too hard to go on.
#keepclimbing
My old life was exhausting...what parts of your pr My old life was exhausting...what parts of your pre-quarantine life are you not going back to when your community opens up fully? @mommyneedsalife #quarantinelife #quarantineandchill #lifewithteens #parenting #parentingteens #momtruth #momhumor #momlife #motherhoodunplugged❤️
It was clear from the start that my kids got a goo It was clear from the start that my kids got a good one. ❤️ #happyfathersday2020 #pandemicparenting #lifewithteens #parentingteens #dadlifeisthebestlife #fathersday #fathersday2020 #quarantinelife
It’s not you, it’s me. Probably. @natecomedy # It’s not you, it’s me. Probably. @natecomedy #quarantinelife #pandemichumor😄 #lifewithteens #lifewithteenagers #momofteens #parentingteens #howcanimissyouifyouwontgoaway #momtruth #motherhoodunplugged
“Mom? Can I hang out with my friends tonight? I “Mom? Can I hang out with  my friends tonight? I need a ride.”
Those words seemed to be on auto repeat last summer.
He had a social life.
I had the driver’s license.
He wanted to stay a half hour later.
I gave him all kinds of hell for upending my evening so that he could hang for a bit more with his friends.
But then he bought his car.
And passed his driver’s test not long after.
My car hasn’t found him folding his lanky frame into the passenger seat in almost a year.
I miss seeing him there.
Tonight, I wanted to see my friends for a couple of socially distanced glasses of wine and I didn’t want to drive.
“Hey, I’d like to hang out with my friends tonight. Can you give me a ride?” I said to him.
And of course, he took every opportunity to give me a dose of my own medicine in jest:
“You know, I have plans this evening, too, Mom.”
“I want you outside by 830p because I’ll be waiting.”
“No, you can’t stay til 9, I don’t care what the other moms are doing.”
It was a full circle moment.
After he picked me up and we swung by the local ice cream shop so he could get a treat for him and his sister, we drove home with the windows down on a summer night.
For a few moments, it was like old times.
I’ve missed him, even though we’ve been home together for months in quarantine.
And when Def Leppard blared on the radio and he dialed it up while singing every word, I remembered what it was like to be seventeen. @joe_burke0227 
#lifewithteens #momofteens #quarantinelife #quaranteens #pandemiclife #parentinginquarantine #momtruth #motherhoodunplugged #momofteenslife
We can get new backpacks and lunch boxes, too, rig We can get new backpacks and lunch boxes, too, right? @ellie_schnitt #pandemic2020 #pandemiclife #quarantinelife #quarantineandchill #workfromhomemom #workfromhomelife #momofteens
#blackoutday2020 #blackoutday2020
Moms are gonna drop it like it’s hot, yo. #tgif Moms are gonna drop it like it’s hot, yo. #tgif #thankgoditsfriday #pandemiclife #quarantineandchill #quarantineandchill2020 #momlife #momtruth #lifewithteensandtweens #lifewithteens #letsgetthispartystarted🎉 #quarantinesucks😷
Follow on Instagram
This error message is only visible to WordPress admins

Error: API requests are being delayed for this account. New posts will not be retrieved.

Log in as an administrator and view the Instagram Feed settings page for more details.

The Keeper And HerMoney

THE KEEPER IS THE BEST!

Buy My T Shirts!

The Keeper Is A TOP Today Show Contributor!

The Keeper On Today!

Facebook Fruit Loops

Facebook Fruit Loops

See The Keeper’s LTYM Video!

BlogU Graduate

Fruit Loop Archives

Copyright © 2021 · The Tattoo Tourist | Maintained By Technology-Therapist | Log in