Keeper of the Fruit Loops

I am The Keeper of The Fruit Loops, Manager of the Fecal Roster and the Driver of the People Mover. In other words, I'm a mom.

  • Home
  • Awards And Books!
  • Loop Scoop
  • See The Keeper
  • Find The Keeper
  • The Keeper On The Today Show


You are here: Home / Parenting Is Hard Enough / The Day I Almost Got Arrested At Preschool (Yes, Really)

The Day I Almost Got Arrested At Preschool (Yes, Really)

March 21, 2013 By Christine 10 Comments

It all started out so innocently.

All I had to do was get the 2-year-old to his first day of preschool with a 2-week-old infant in tow. I’m a bachelor’s educated RN with many years of ICU experience. I’ve managed patient flow. I’ve run ICU codes. A 2-year-old and an infant? Pfft. Easy peasy.

What they don’t tell you in pre-mommy classes is that trying to get two small children out the door is like herding wet cats during a snowstorm. To get to preschool by 9:15 a.m., the process has to start at approximately 5:15 a.m. Don’t believe me? Turn to the mom sitting next to you and ask. She’ll tell you. Or better yet? Call you own mother. She’ll be glad to enlighten you. Anyhoo, I digress…

Arrested at preschool I was almost arrested at preschool. Sort of.

When my daughter arrived in 2005, I had been a stay-at-home mom for 2 1/2 years. I had gone through the adjustment of giving up my salary and coworkers for the joys of rice cereal and talking to a person under three feet tall ALL. DAY. LONG. My son and I had come to a nice routine and I mistakenly thought the addition of a second little bundle of joy would go smoothly… yes, I heard you snicker.

On the day in question, I dutifully started the “Exit Strategy Process” at 5:15. The fact that I managed a shower amidst the insanity of breast feeding, diaper changes, breakfast and Sesame Street was nothing short of amazing. By 8:40, everyone was fed, dressed in matching clothes and in reasonably good spirits.

And then I smelled it. You know. “The smell” that eminates from a toddler who isn’t potty trained yet. “The smell” that usually happens exactly 30 seconds before you are leaving. “The smell” that reminds you that your morning isn’t going to go as planned.

Cue the diaper change.

During said diaper change, I had to contend with a wicked, wicked case of diaper rash. Awesome. Diaper changes were usually quick and painless but, of course, not today. After much cajoling, begging, loud whisper talking through “asshole lips” and general demanding, it was Toddler 1, Mommy 0 with T-minus 15 minutes until the start of preschool.

And so, I did it.

I resorted to bribery.

While it is usually my general policy to not negotiate with toddlers or terrorists, I decided to do it just this once. In exchange for a scream free diaper change, he would get a lollipop on the way to preschool.

You scratch my back, I’ll change your diaper. You get the picture.

And so, off to preschool we went, freshly diapered and lollipop unwrapped in the 2-year-old’s hands. We arrive at preschool at precisely 9:15 and 30 seconds and in we go to meet the director. As we walk into the director’s office, Fruit Loop #1 promptly announces, “Hi Nice Lady! My mommy hurt my hiney and she say so sorry and she gave me a lollipop.”

Oh. No. He. Didn’t.

Sigh. He totally did.

Did I mention this was our very first day at the preschool? In the absence of a rock to climb under, I quickly spilled out an explanation. I’m pretty sure I looked deranged as I spewed verbal diarrhea (pun intended) to quickly explain that I had not hurt my child and that I merely bribed him. Bribing is OK, right? I can honestly say I’ve never been more embarrassed in all my life. Well, up to that point…

Thankfully, the director was kind, understanding and did her best to not laugh out loud at me. She accepted my explanation, assured me that I would be at the mercy of my children and their mouths for the rest of my life and that every mother has a similar story to tell. And, as I watched her take his willing hand and walk him to his new class, it was not lost on me that I had raised a little boy who didn’t need a bribe to go off on a new adventure.

Fruit Loops Are For Sharing

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)

Filed Under: Parenting Is Hard Enough, Parenting My Way Tagged With: lollipops, preschool

Comments

  1. Stephanie Jankowski says

    March 25, 2015 at 3:16 pm

    Remember when we were so excited because they learned to talk? Sigh.

    Reply
    • Alena Belleque says

      March 25, 2015 at 9:22 pm

      Ha!! Yes. Yes, I do.

      Reply
    • Cheryl A McNeil says

      May 30, 2017 at 1:33 pm

      A sheriff deputy that I knew years ago had a similar but worse experience. His daughter told the kindergarten teacher “daddy beats me up” at orientation, what really happens is that they would wrestle and play around. Due to his job, they had to go therapy to make sure!!!

      Reply
  2. Cynthia Rosenberger says

    March 26, 2015 at 8:12 am

    Just last month my son was with his dad and step mom and he was supposed to go to Judo that evening however his step mom decided to skip Judo and take him roller skating instead. 10 mins into it my son fell and after examination at the hospital it was determined that he broke his arm. Since then everywhere we go people ask him what happened and he says just as normal as ever. ” My step mom did it”. I always have to jump in and explain what really happened. I tell him he cannot say that, someone may believe that. He’s 12 and just being a smartass, lol

    Reply
  3. Life With Teens and Other Wild Things says

    March 26, 2015 at 8:42 am

    BAH-HAHAHAHA!! Nice one…

    My son, at 5, came to me with a bandaid on his hand. (he was in the bandaid stage, so no big deal, right?)

    Me: “What happened, Buddy?”
    Him: “I got a paper cut. I took care of it.”
    Me: “Ok. Bus will be here in 10 minutes. Better get going.”

    He goes off to school, everything’s fine.
    Until that evening when he gets off the bus with his hand wrapped up like a mummy’s. O_o

    I asked him, and he says Mrs. Feather (nurse) wrapped his “papercut” for him.

    I call the school wondering wth happened to my precious angel.

    Get the nurse on the phone and discover the paper cut story fell apart when he used the toilet and washed his hands- the bandaid fell off, and his teacher discovered he had cut almost 1/2 inch into the webbing between his thumb and index finger. She asked him how, and he finally broke down and confessed he’d been using a kitchen cleaver to cut up an apple for his snack.
    (I nearly fainted at this point.)

    The nurse explained that “it really should’ve been stitched, but it’s too late for that now, so just keep it clean and covered. He’ll just have a little scar.”

    Thank god, Mrs. Feather attends our church and has known my family since my kids were tots in the toddler room on Sunday morning. She was (is) fully aware of the size handful my son was (is!), and knew that his injury was not a result of abuse or neglect.

    Ten years later, I can almost laugh about it, but I can’t call the white streaks in my hair “wisdom highlights” anymore. I’m just going white from getting this kid to adolescence.

    “Stayin’ Alive” is the theme song of my life. :-/

    Reply
  4. melanie says

    March 26, 2015 at 10:38 am

    Lol my son told his K teacher that I beat him up almost every night! Thank God She asked me about it cuse I do beat him up. I beat him up the stairs to bed every night when we race up to bed!

    Reply
  5. Genna says

    March 26, 2015 at 11:11 pm

    When my now 23 year old was in pre-k, I received a call from her teacher requesting a home visit. Apparently, the kids had been learning about drugs, and my then 4 year old spilled the beans to her whole class that mommy and daddy did drugs at home. During the visit, the teacher explained that she was required to check that out. When the teacher told us at the end of her visit that she didn’t see any evidence to back up my daughter’s statement, my daughter piped up, “But Mommy, nicotine is a drug”. Guess so, at that time my husband and I were both smokers. Good thing the teacher and we became good friends after that, as my next child had her two years later!

    Reply
  6. Robyn says

    August 11, 2015 at 12:07 pm

    The day my daughter went to preschool and told her teacher, “I wanted to watch Lion King, but mommy and daddy were watching adult movies.”….. I swear they didn’t believe me when I told them I just meant it wasn’t a movie for kids…. She’s 15 now!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Find Your Favorite Posts!

Fruit Loops Are Social. You should be, too. Ahem.

Subscribe Via Email

Top Posts & Pages

  • This Is My First Pandemic: I Didn't Know My Kid Would Cheat During Online Learning
    This Is My First Pandemic: I Didn't Know My Kid Would Cheat During Online Learning
  • My Teen Is Teaching Me How To Set Boundaries. Yes, Really.
    My Teen Is Teaching Me How To Set Boundaries. Yes, Really.
  • Parents of High School Juniors, I Feel Your Angst
    Parents of High School Juniors, I Feel Your Angst
  • Awards And Books!
    Awards And Books!
  • This Mom Runs On Prozac
    This Mom Runs On Prozac

The Keeper on Instagram!

Nurse. Wife. Mom. Runner. Blogger. Writer. Thrift Shop Junkie. Sauvignon Blanc Snob.
Social Media Manager for @hermoneymedia and @jeanchatzky.

It’s time to let the world swallow your whole s It’s time to let the world swallow your  whole self, bitchachos. And you can hand the haters a glass of milk if they are having trouble. #bringit #momtruth #parentingtruth #iamwhoiam #nojoke #mywholeself
Can we all agree that our pets are the real winner Can we all agree that our pets are the real winners of the quarantine?
For six months, this dog has had four people to cuddle her, give her treats, and take her for walks at the drop of a hat. And she does not care if she interrupts a Zoom call to protect us from the UPS guy.
And, yes, she’s been forced to take more selfies than she’d like but sorry not sorry, #daisytheshihtzu.
What are these pets gonna do if we ever have to go back to “real” life?
#petsofinstagram #shihtzusofinstagram #shihtzulovers #shihtzusgram_feature #quarantinelife #petsofquarantine #lifewithdaisy
No words. RIP, #rbg. Fly with the angels and rest No words. RIP, #rbg. Fly with the angels and rest easy. We won’t let you down. Also? SOMEONE FIND BETTY WHITE RIGHT NOW. #ruthbaderginsburg #suckit2020 #wtf #notoriousrbg #ruthbaderginsburgismyhero
When I was thinking about how I wanted to write ab When I was thinking about how I wanted to write about eczema for a project with @mediqcme, I was reminded of a time a few years ago when I had the world’s worst case of poison ivy.
After a marathon session of gardening, I’d managed to swipe a huge swath of poison ivy oil across my chest, left flank, and left side of my face.
Within days, I was in agony: huge, weeping crusted pustules covered my body and as the days turned into weeks, my skin screamed at me for attention at every given moment.
I couldn’t sleep.
I couldn’t wear my favorite clothing because my lesions were constantly weeping.
And then came the steroids.
That’s when the real hell began. I’m a high energy person without the aid of stimulants (I really should switch to decaf, I know) and steroids make me a next-level handful, trust me.
For six weeks, every decision I made revolved around my skin: how to sit comfortably, what position made sleep come more easily, even bathing became a chore because nothing helped allay the itch that seemed to come from the inside out.
I was miserable, yes, but thankfully, I eventually healed and soon forgot about my six weeks of poison ivy hell.
But, 9-year-old Elizabeth told me that living with atopic dermatitis means that itching from the inside out is a way of life for her and, in her words, itchy skin makes her feel “bad” most of the time.
Head to my IG stories to read more about life with #atopicdermatitis and how it affects almost 31 million Americans (10 million of which are kids).
#itchyskinhelp #chroniceczema #eczema #eczemarelief #atopicdermatitistreatment
Why is it that when the temp dips to 50 degrees in Why is it that when the temp dips to 50 degrees in September, I can’t wait to wear sweaters and scarves but, in April, I’m pretty much wearing shorts and tank tops?
#hardhittingquestions #fallproblems #sweaterweather #falllife #fallfashion #fallvibes #conundrum #yorkbeach #yorkbeachme
Do you have eczema? Does someone you know and love Do you have eczema? Does someone you know and love have atopic dermatitis, a chronic skin condition that affects more than 31 million Americans? 

Join me Tuesday, September 15 at 2p EST for a very special FB live conversation about Atopic Dermatitis with Dr. Peter Lio, Asst. Professor of Dermatology and Pediatrics at @northwesternu. 

We will be discussing what atopic dermatitis is, how it affects families, and the resources that you can trust if you, your kids, or family members are navigating a new (or ongoing) atopic dermatitis diagnosis.

Bring your questions because we will be answering them live!

Special thanks to @mediqcme for making this discussion possible!
#itchyskinhelp
On the day my son was born, my father sent us a ca On the day my son was born, my father sent us a card.
“You’ll always remember the firsts but the lasts are the most precious,” he wrote.
She’s our last.
She was the last baby to walk with her fat feet on our hardwood floors.
She was the last one to go to kindergarten.
She was the one who napped on the go as her brother attended Mommy and Me classes and soccer practices.
She was the last one to have a single digit birthday in our house.
But for all of the firsts that have been afforded to her brother, she’s our first in so many ways.
She’s the first one to navigate freshman year during a hybrid school system in the midst of a pandemic.
She’s the first one to forge her way on a cross country team with teammates who have never had to race virtually.
She’s the first one to have had to face a high school career that looks infinitely different than the one her brother (a senior) has enjoyed.
She’s our last, yes.
But she’s the one who is teaching us to savor the moments when we get to see her race on the track while we wear masks and socially distance.
She’s the one who is brave enough to lean in to hybrid learning, mask and all, so that we can figure out how best to educate our kids in the coming years.
And, yes, she’s our last one to go to high school but she’s the first one to teach us what we really need to know in the midst of a pandemic.
The lastest really is the bestest.
#lifewithteens
Let’s face it: I’m all in on the bullshit. (Th Let’s face it: I’m all in on the bullshit. (Thanks, @modernmommymadness for being all about the bullshit, too.) #backtoschool #parentingteens #momofteens #motherhoodunplugged #parenting #pandemicparenting #quaranteens #bullshitquotes #allaboutthebullshit #keeperofthefruitloops
School starts tomorrow and I am READY, bitchachos. School starts tomorrow and I am READY, bitchachos. 💪🏻🍷📚#backtoschool #letsdothis #itsgonnatakeavineyard #covidclassroom #covidclassof2021 #quaranteens #momofteens #parentingteens #senioryear🎓 #freshmanyear
Well played, universe. (via: @ramblinma) #momoftee Well played, universe. (via: @ramblinma) #momofteenagers #parentingteens #motherhoodunplugged #momofteens #momtruth #wtf #keeperofthefruitloops #teenagers🙄 #sendhelp
So. I did a thing today. I went to a NASCAR race. So.
I did a thing today.
I went to a NASCAR race.
My first.
During a pandemic.
I know, I can't believe it, either.
But, when you are married to a man who eats, sleeps, and breathes cars, eventually you come to a point in your marriage when you realize that a trip to a major speedway is a marital inevitability.
I managed to avoid it for 21 years but today was the day.
And I have thoughts, in no particular order:
1). I was not prepared for the noise of the engines. And by "noise," I mean the constant reverberation deep into your soul for three. solid. hours. Loud does not begin to cover it.
2). I watched 38 cars whizz by me 301 times. I enjoyed seeing #43 drive by 301 times. Car #32? Not so much (#32 finished 35th. I was fine with that).
3). Every single person in the grandstands complied with the mask restrictions. It's not that hard, people. I watched thousands of people do it today. You can, too.
4). We didn't see a single confederate flag. #FistBumpNASCAR 
5). I couldn't hear a thing my family said for three hours. Actually, almost four hours. This was a major bonus.
6). Earplugs are necessary. Again, see #5.
7). The universe did me a solid and provided me with an overcast day as I did my "wifely duty" and pretended to be interested in the parade of cars that monotonously sped by me every thirty seconds. If it had been 100 degrees (like it apparently was last year), this status would be very different.
8). 301 laps takes a really long time. Like, a really long time.
9). I think NASCAR would have a bigger fan base if they served frozé wine and provided charcuterie. Hear me out on this, NASCAR.
10). Watching my husband and Fruit Loop #1 scream at each other (because noise and ear plugs) and gesticulate wildly at whatever was happening on the track while they soaked in their first NASCAR race together made it all worth it. I think. #PleaseLetUsHaveUsedEnoughHandSanitizer.
#nascar #loudonspeedway #newhampshiremotorspeedway #nascarracing #nascarlife
Well behaved women never make history...or some sh Well behaved women never make history...or some shit like that. 😏 
#motherhoodunplugged #momtruth #nevershutup #keeperofthefruitloops #mouthybitch #speakyourtruth #speakup
143 days. I took this picture 143 days ago. I was 143 days.
I took this picture 143 days ago.
I was in Palm Springs and I had taken a tram ride with @mommybacktalk to San Jacinto National Park.
We hiked several miles for this view and I remember feeling relaxed and free of stress.
We were in PS to attend a conference and the whispers of an unknown virus were starting to swell.
“A virus out of China.”
“There’s no vaccine and it’s highly contagious. It could become a pandemic.”
“Wait. Corona is a beer...”
Though we didn’t shake hands with attendees, for the most part, we went about the business of “normal” life.
At a dinner with @monicagsakala and @mommybacktalk, we threw back glasses of wine and talked long into the night over gourmet macaroni and cheese that tasted like actual heaven on a fork.
We talked about politics, current events, and books we loved. No stories about kids, no griping about husbands. Just intelligent, stimulating conversation that I now realize was going to become a lifeline only a few weeks later.
I have no pictures of that dinner.
Just the memory of being with two good friends when life didn’t feel so fractured.
Now those friends are hours away, whether by car or plane, and I think about that night in CA almost every day.
The me from 143 days ago had no idea what was coming.
The me at the top of the mountain in the picture didn’t know that she should have savored the fresh air more, that she should have relished what it was like to be one in a crowd on a tram headed to scenic vistas.
I’ve been quiet here on IG because everything feels too much.
I’ve been trying to keep my family safe and maintain what’s left of my sanity in a world that feels prickly and dangerous.
I’ve been wearing a mask, using hand sanitizer, and obsessively watching the news for a sign that we are all going to be okay.
I’ve been looking for small pockets of joy in the middle of the dumpster fire that life has become.
And, I’m realizing that we are all climbing one hell of a mountain, together.
And, at some point, the view is going to be gorgeous.
We just have to keep climbing.
No matter how much our legs are telling us it's too hard to go on.
#keepclimbing
My old life was exhausting...what parts of your pr My old life was exhausting...what parts of your pre-quarantine life are you not going back to when your community opens up fully? @mommyneedsalife #quarantinelife #quarantineandchill #lifewithteens #parenting #parentingteens #momtruth #momhumor #momlife #motherhoodunplugged❤️
It was clear from the start that my kids got a goo It was clear from the start that my kids got a good one. ❤️ #happyfathersday2020 #pandemicparenting #lifewithteens #parentingteens #dadlifeisthebestlife #fathersday #fathersday2020 #quarantinelife
It’s not you, it’s me. Probably. @natecomedy # It’s not you, it’s me. Probably. @natecomedy #quarantinelife #pandemichumor😄 #lifewithteens #lifewithteenagers #momofteens #parentingteens #howcanimissyouifyouwontgoaway #momtruth #motherhoodunplugged
“Mom? Can I hang out with my friends tonight? I “Mom? Can I hang out with  my friends tonight? I need a ride.”
Those words seemed to be on auto repeat last summer.
He had a social life.
I had the driver’s license.
He wanted to stay a half hour later.
I gave him all kinds of hell for upending my evening so that he could hang for a bit more with his friends.
But then he bought his car.
And passed his driver’s test not long after.
My car hasn’t found him folding his lanky frame into the passenger seat in almost a year.
I miss seeing him there.
Tonight, I wanted to see my friends for a couple of socially distanced glasses of wine and I didn’t want to drive.
“Hey, I’d like to hang out with my friends tonight. Can you give me a ride?” I said to him.
And of course, he took every opportunity to give me a dose of my own medicine in jest:
“You know, I have plans this evening, too, Mom.”
“I want you outside by 830p because I’ll be waiting.”
“No, you can’t stay til 9, I don’t care what the other moms are doing.”
It was a full circle moment.
After he picked me up and we swung by the local ice cream shop so he could get a treat for him and his sister, we drove home with the windows down on a summer night.
For a few moments, it was like old times.
I’ve missed him, even though we’ve been home together for months in quarantine.
And when Def Leppard blared on the radio and he dialed it up while singing every word, I remembered what it was like to be seventeen. @joe_burke0227 
#lifewithteens #momofteens #quarantinelife #quaranteens #pandemiclife #parentinginquarantine #momtruth #motherhoodunplugged #momofteenslife
We can get new backpacks and lunch boxes, too, rig We can get new backpacks and lunch boxes, too, right? @ellie_schnitt #pandemic2020 #pandemiclife #quarantinelife #quarantineandchill #workfromhomemom #workfromhomelife #momofteens
#blackoutday2020 #blackoutday2020
Moms are gonna drop it like it’s hot, yo. #tgif Moms are gonna drop it like it’s hot, yo. #tgif #thankgoditsfriday #pandemiclife #quarantineandchill #quarantineandchill2020 #momlife #momtruth #lifewithteensandtweens #lifewithteens #letsgetthispartystarted🎉 #quarantinesucks😷
Follow on Instagram

The Keeper And HerMoney

THE KEEPER IS THE BEST!

Buy My T Shirts!

The Keeper Is A TOP Today Show Contributor!

The Keeper On Today!

Facebook Fruit Loops

Facebook Fruit Loops

See The Keeper’s LTYM Video!

BlogU Graduate

Fruit Loop Archives

Copyright © 2021 · The Tattoo Tourist | Maintained By Technology-Therapist | Log in