The Keeper has scary news, bitchachos. Big SCARY news. But, before I divulge my big news, I’m going to give you a little background information to set the stage, if I may. When I started this blog in March 2013, I’ve often said that I had very low expectations. I was encouraged by a friend […]
A Chick Can Buy A Car Without A Dude. Really.
A few weeks ago, I got into a huge argument. There was yelling. Loud yelling, in fact. There were wild gesticulations. Eyes were rolled, fingers were pointed and the argument culminated in my opponent yelling, “Kiddo, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?? You were so much nicer yesterday!!!!”. Now, one would think this argument happened between […]
Marathon Mom: Memories I Make For Myself
Six years ago, Hubby snapped this picture as I crossed the finish line of the Sunburst National Marathon in Washington, D.C.: I staggered across the finish line with 4:57 on the clock and I collapsed into a heap of tears and relief. My Dad, who had traveled from Texas to watch me run my debut […]
Who Is The Keeper Of The Fruit Loops?
Since it’s looking like after three years, over 100 posts, close to 50 freelance articles AND three essays published in anthologies that this blogging thing might be a regular gig, I feel compelled to introduce myself to those of you reading (all 400 of you who subscribe…if you are reading and you haven’t subscribed, stop […]
Don’t Talk To My Kids About Politics. That’s MY Job.
On the whole, I’m a good person. Really, I am. I recycle, I pay it forward and I practice random acts of kindness. I smile at strangers, I hold doors open for people and I will even let you merge ahead of me on the highway (though, I do give you the finger if you […]
I Wear A Bikini At 40 And You Should, Too
I am a mom and I have the body to prove it. My boobs are full, I have a C section scar and frankly, I haven’t seen my abs since 2002. I have stretch marks on my thighs, my waist and under my arms (seriously, what is THAT about?). My thighs are like tree trunks […]
The Keeper Has Flipp-ed Over Grocery Shopping
Recently, Hubby walked into the living room and announced that he was about to make my life easier. I raised my eyebrow, folded my arms across my chest, and waited. I mean, unless he was about to tell me that he’d hired the entire staff of Downton Abbey to start running my household, I was dubious. […]
Fruit Loop #1’s Five Stages of Mom Fury
“Mom, I have something I want to discuss with you. And I don’t want you to say no. And I want you to hear me out. And I want you to keep an open mind, okay?”. With these words, Fruit Loop #1 looked at me from the passenger seat of the car with his hazel […]
The Seven People You Meet In Spin Class
I came to the world of exercise later in life. And, by later in life, I mean I had to start exercising after two kids, two C Sections and turning thirty because it turns out, when these things happen, your thighs look remarkably different from when you were in your teens and twenties. Around the […]
Don’t Ask Me For My Babysitter’s Name. DON’T.
I’m a giver. I share better than any three year old. Really. Ask my friends. I give advice (almost never unsolicited), I give fabulous presents and I give of my time like nobody’s business (two words: PTA President). If you need me, I’m there for you, no questions asked. And, if you are one of […]
My Apology: My Tween Can’t Say “I’m Sorry” And It’s My Fault
On a hot summer night last year, you defied me. You begged to be allowed to walk down to an ice cream shop with your younger sister in the small beach town where we were vacationing. “I’m twelve now, Mom,” you pleaded, “almost thirteen. Come on, please?” After a bit of discussion, your father and […]
The Day I Realized I Shouldn’t Fix My Tween’s Problems
On that warm summer night, as I caught a glimpse of Fruit Loop #1, I knew. He was standing across the yard, holding a plastic plate filled with summer party food and holding a red plastic cup. The sun hit his twelve year old hair in just a way that I could see the blonde […]
Are You Team Toddler or Team Tween?
When you become a parent, there’s just so much you don’t know. SO. MUCH. And, in those first few years, you wander around deliriously tired, chase after little people who break all of your previously nice things and wonder how exactly every item of clothing you own is covered in spit up. You suffer through […]
Our Parents Had It Easy. And I’m Jealous.
The other day, I got the dreaded “Your phone storage is almost full” message and realized it was time to clean up my phone. Read: it was time to play “Press Your Luck” over which apps I could keep, how many photos to delete and just exactly how many text messages were necessary. No whammies, […]
My Teen Asked Me About A Sex Act While I Was Driving
I knew this day would come as I had been warned by those who had gone before me. He’s going to ask someday. She’s going to have questions. You need to get your story straight. You have to be *prepared* because you’ll be caught with your pants down when the Fruit Loops ask about the […]
In Defense of Christmas (It’s Not About The Red Cup)
A few years, I realized there was a NYT best selling fiction author living in my town. I KNOW, RIGHT? I almost lost my mind when I realized that Kate Moretti was a mother and a writer just like me and I immediately decided that I had to meet her. Not in a stalkery, creepy, […]
Hubby Doesn’t Need Training. He’s Not A Dog.
A few weeks ago, I was helping a group of moms get a classroom party organized. As we passed out holiday appropriate paper plates and organic snacks, we chit chatted about our days, our kids and of course, we bitched about our husbands. We bitched about how they are clueless sometimes. How their aim in […]
It’s Okay If You Screamed At The Kids Before That “Perfect” Photo
I met her on a September night in 2008. She had kind eyes and a smile on her small face. I was new at the whole PTA mom thing. She was a seasoned pro, the experienced committee mom. And she made me feel welcomed at my first PTA meeting. Included. Over the course of the […]
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