I’m just going to say it out loud: I’m a good time at parties. A gooooood time, I tell you, and my friends will all willingly recount at least three stories that involve me, a party and adult beverages. Okay, probably five stories each and those who attended my 40th birthday party last Fall all […]
“Wine Not Time!”
Have you ever committed a crime? Like an *actual* one? Wait. Don’t answer that because I think plausible deniability would work in my favor if anyone ever asked me about your answer. I am pleased to say that I haven’t been in the Big House…yet. But I can imagine a scenario in which I would […]
Enjoying Summer Time Can Be Easy….Sort Of
Summer is here. We are a week into summer vacation and already, I’ve heard the words “I’m bored” and “There’s nothing to doooooooo” and, my personal favorite, “There’s nothing gooooood to eat in the pantry”. Yep. Summer with kids is AWESOME. And HARD. It’s hard to keep them busy, it’s hard to find time to […]
Just Sleep, Dammit!
There are few things that will drive a new mother over the edge like sleep deprivation. The days where you wake up exhausted, nauseous and convinced you will never sleep again in the history of ever drive yoga pants clad moms all across this nation to the brink of insanity. Everyone always seems to have […]
Thanks for the Mammories
I am a graduate of the University of “My Boobs Fed A Human” and hold a Bachelor’s Degree in Breast Feeding. In order to graduate, I had to enroll in classes such as “Breast Pump 101” and “Your Breast and You: How Not To Get Eaten Alive By A Small Human”. There were all nighters […]
Gossip Girls
As you walk into the cafeteria, your stomach lurches a little. You look around at the groups of girls and a familiar fear fills your stomach. “Will the cool girls let me sit with them today?” You scan the room and see girls chatting, laughing and looking over at you as you walk in the […]
What I Don’t Remember….
Is anyone else feeling the stress of being the World’s Most Perfect Mom EVUUUR? Is anyone else looking at The Pinterest wondering who the heck has the time to make crafts, perfect crockpot meals and put outfits together that would make Polyvore swoon? Does anyone else look around them and see moms who spend more […]
All The Remembering
Last night at dinner and on the eve of our 8th snow day off from school this year, I was lamenting about the number of days that the Fruit Loops have been underfoot, bored, and full of bicker. The number of days that I’ve been forced to reschedule appointments and become Julie the Cruise Director […]
Just Say No
Last March, Hubby informed me that he was going to be participating in a car racing event during a weekend in May. Ordinarily, I’d have just said, “Okay, have fun!” but something in his eyes made me stop and do a double take. Something in the way he mentioned it to me signaled that he […]
The Time Hubby And I Totally Lost One Of Our Kids On The Beach
As a parent, you pride yourself on the the little things: getting through an hour without a toddler tantrum, managing to get a shower with minions underfoot and remembering to change your breast milk stained shirt at least every other day. You also pride yourself on the BIG things: keeping those minions alive all day, […]
Secrets of A Potty Training Mom
If you ask a group of moms what they dislike most about parenting, the answers will be varied. Some will say temper tantrums, eye rolling or Disney channel programming. Others will scoff at the the early mornings, diaper changes at 2 am and never ending loads of laundry. You will hear sorry tales of ignored […]
Confessions from the Bunny Slope
On the whole, I consider myself to be pretty brave. I’ve worked night shift in an inner-city hospital. I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed, two C Sections and have cleaned up kid vomit with nary a gag. I’ve survived the grocery store on the day before Thanksgiving 10 years running (not for the faint of […]
A Mother’s Resolution
It’s that time of year. The time of year where everyone declares everything they will do better in 2015. The time of year when people decide they are going to “Get fit!” and “Eat less!” and “Write a book!”. They blab about it on Facebook and people everywhere are declaring 2015 will be the year […]
Wait. It Ends?
When you make the decision to stay at home with your children, it’s a BIG deal. There are lots of factors: finances, your ability to spend twelve hours at a time with people under three feet tall and the national coffee supply. You wrestle with your ability to be the sole caregiver, your need for […]
Neighborhood Watch
When you work outside the home, you have an office. A place of business. A location filled with people and security guards. You have lots of eyes around to make sure your surroundings are safe and secure. There are codes. And badges. And mean secretaries to keep the riffraff out. As a mostly SAHM, my […]
16 Things I Hope My Daughter Knows Before She Leaves My Home
Thirteen years ago, a doctor handed me a pink bundle and said, “She’s yours”. And while it wasn’t said out loud, I’m pretty sure the “Don’t screw her up” was implied. I could swear I heard it, though. Since the day that pink bundle was resting on my C section scar, the weight and enormity […]
The Volunteer Pledge
It’s that time again. The time of year when parents start humming “It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year”, when Staples sells pencils for $0.06 and you can hear the collective groan of suntanned, sleep deprived children across the country. The time of year when parents practically skip to the mailbox to find teacher […]
Loops And Tents and Bears, Oh My!
I loathe camping. This is not a new revelation and we know Laura Ingalls, I Am Not. The Fruit Loops, however, love camping. No, scratch that. They luuuurve camping. This presents a major issue in the summer weather during prime “sleep outside under the stars, next to mosquitos, bears, rabbits and other outdoor fauna while […]