It is often said that arguing rationally with an irrational person is an exercise in futility and never is that more true than with toddlers and their eating habits. If you live with children, have had children, know anyone with children or have sat next to a table with one in any Red Robin […]
The Day I Broke The Baby Monitor
Having a child come into your life is like having Toys R Us, the baby section of Target and the entire baby food section of your grocery store dump their items right into your family room. There are onesies (how can one baby need 93 onesies?), containment items, (exersaucers, bouncy seats, swings, pack and plays, […]
The Post Cesarean Section Poop Is HELL.
As most moms will tell you, pregnancy is awesome exactly TWO times: BEFORE you actually get knocked up and AFTER the pea is no longer in the pod. The during part of pregnancy is no walk in the park and I’m not going to bore you with the list of ailments, maladies, situations and hemorrhoids […]
Becoming THAT Mom
A few nights ago, I had a phone conversation with my bestie in a darkened parking lot and it went something like this: Me: “Would you believe I’m sitting in a parking lot killing time between activities while Fruit Loop #2 eats a reheated dinner from two nights ago in the back seat?” Her: […]
Mother Nature is FIRED
Mother Nature 555 Celestial Way In The Middle Of Nowhere, USA Dear Mother Nature: This letter confirms our discussion today that you, in fact, are no longer employed at Summer Fun and Games and your termination is effective immediately. You will receive exactly two weeks severance for your 900 years of service. You will need […]
I Am Not A Perfect Parent And I’m Pretty Sure My Kids Know It
Show of hands: Who had a really goooooood time in college? Another show of hands: Who had a reeeeeealllly good time before you had kids? I raised my hand both times. I was blessed in college to meet a group of gals that made my four years of college one of the most memorable times […]
Two More Feet?
As I’ve often said, the transition to motherhood was not an easy road for me. Whether it was because I had my head completely up my ass about what was coming down the pike or that I wasn’t hardwired to accept the challenges of motherhood readily, either way, the road that I’ve travelled to find […]
Laura Ingalls I Am Not (Or: 5 Reasons I Hate Camping)
Growing up, I used to watch Little House on the Prairie and dream of being Laura Ingalls Wilder. She was the only girl I knew who had her own horse, got to use an outhouse and spent her days fishing in creeks. She had adventure after adventure in that little house by Plum Creek and […]
The Jig Is Up: I Am 40 Something And My Body Looks, Well, 40 Something
I’m just going to put this out there: I’m 40 years old. And I look, well, 40 years old. As much as I’d like to delude myself into thinking that my body looks like it did when I was 21, sometimes, you just have to face facts. At some point, you have to look in […]
10 Parenting Truths Other Mothers Won’t Tell You…But I Will
When I joined the ranks of Mommyhood 15 years ago, I was blindsided by the truths that become glaringly apparent the day you join the club. And, as these truths became more evident, I sometimes felt like the other mothers who already knew them were giggling at me next to their lockers and whispering behind […]
A Day In The Life
I am mostly a Stay At Home Mom. By “mostly”, I mean that while yes, I have this blogging gig and yes, I have my part time career as a nurse, on the whole, my main job is keeping the Fruit Loops from completely spilling out of the box. On most days, I am the […]
My Husband Is Having An Affair
She’s sleek. She’s sexy. She purrs. When she’s around, he’s got his eyes on her curves and he just can’t help but touch her parts. She takes him places he’s always dreamed about and my husband is just plain smitten. I’m talking, of course, about our, er, HIS, 1966 Mustang convertible. The Pony is his […]
The Phrase I Used To Hate
When I was a new mom in 2003, I had the luxury of being able to stay home full time with my son when he arrived. Before he came, I envisioned long afternoons of cuddling and bonding, making gourmet meals for my husband and catching up on all of the books on my night stand […]
Give A Mom A Smart Phone and She’ll Rule The World
I am fairly certain I could rule the world with my iPhone. From scheduling play dates, to managing Hubby’s schedule, to counting calories (not cake calories, mind you), to connecting with my friends, my iPhone is my right hand man. From my kitchen, I can arrange food delivery for a bereaved friend, tweet to Ellen DeGeneres […]
We Were Here First
Scene: Our Dinner Table, a few years ago. Fruit Loop #2: “How do you KNOW that you should marry a person?” Fruit Loop #1: “When you meet the right person, a spark happens. Then you have to nurture the spark so it becomes a flame and then eventually a bonfire across your marriage. And wick size […]
The Birds and the…Petri Dishes?
As a parent, there are a few moments that stop you in your tracks and make you want to run screaming from the room: The first time you realize your toddler can reach the top of the stairs in under three seconds, the first time you hear a swear word out of one of your […]
The Day I Almost Got Arrested At Preschool
It all started out so innocently. All I had to do was get the 2-year-old to his first day of preschool with a 2-week-old infant in tow. I’m a bachelor’s educated RN with many years of ICU experience. I’ve managed patient flow. I’ve run ICU codes. A 2-year-old and an infant? Pfft. Easy peasy. What […]