When you die, what will people say about you? What will the people around you choose to fit into a teeny tiny column in the paper in the midst of their angst over your untimely demise? Will your eulogy be the standard issue “He was born, he was an engineer, he was a Knight of […]
The Day A Car Accident Made Me Realize I Was A Douchebag
You know how sometimes Life tries to quietly teach you a lesson and you ignore it? And then Life tries a little louder to teach you that lesson and you swat it away like an annoying fly? And THEN Life yells REALLY REALLY loudly and gets all up in your business and you get all […]
Motherhood Has Made Falling Down A Lot Less Fun
I’m no stranger to falling down and, as my friends will tell you, I have a long history of tripping, losing my footing, and face planting, usually in an epic fashion. In fact, my fall down a hill of frozen mud one early morning in college is a story my college roommates love to recount […]
Hey, Moms? We Don’t Have To Fight With Each Other
There’s a battle raging in this country, people. And it’s serious. Serious as a heart attack. No, it doesn’t involve Congress and it does not involve Mexican cartels and the drug trade. It has nothing to do with guns on the streets or with organic, genetically perfect foods. Nor does it have to do with […]
That Time A Shih Tzu Came To Live With Me
For my entire life, I was sure of a lot of things. I was sure I’d grow up and become a nurse and I was certain that I’d travel as much as I possibly could. I was certain there was nothing better than wool socks on a hardwood floor on a winter day and that […]
On Letting Your Friends Down
There’s a scene in the movie “Dirty Dancing” (also known as The Greatest Movie Of All Time And If You Haven’t Seen It, We Can’t Be Friends) where Jake Houseman, played by Jerry Orbach, has a come to Jesus conversation with his daughter, Baby, played by Jennifer Grey. As Dr. Houseman sits in a deserted gazebo […]
The 8 Moms You’ll Meet At The Pool
Summer is here which means we are all knee deep in camps, summer reading lists and generalized boredom by about ten in the morning. On the first day of summer vacation, I always have the best of intentions. Really, I do. We will go to the beach! We will see all the museums! We will go to […]
Five Things That Annoy Moms At The Grocery Store
Last week, I posted this update on my Facebook page about grocery shopping: And I was overwhelmed by how many of you commented that I’m not the only one who has a borderline psychosis about how I do my grocery shopping. I was both amused and appalled at what a group of weirdos we […]
The Seven Moms In A Group Text
If you have kids in the modern age of parenting, chances are, you’ve participated in at least one group text. Whether it’s coordinating a play date, a Ladies’ Night Out or organizing a complicated carpool routine, texting takes on a whole new level of hell when you have multiple people expressing opinions. And, often, the […]
Who Is The Keeper Of The Fruit Loops?
Since it’s looking like after three years, over 100 posts, close to 50 freelance articles AND three essays published in anthologies that this blogging thing might be a regular gig, I feel compelled to introduce myself to those of you reading (all 400 of you who subscribe…if you are reading and you haven’t subscribed, stop […]
Don’t Talk To My Kids About Politics. That’s MY Job.
On the whole, I’m a good person. Really, I am. I recycle, I pay it forward and I practice random acts of kindness. I smile at strangers, I hold doors open for people and I will even let you merge ahead of me on the highway (though, I do give you the finger if you […]
Fruit Loop #1’s Five Stages of Mom Fury
“Mom, I have something I want to discuss with you. And I don’t want you to say no. And I want you to hear me out. And I want you to keep an open mind, okay?”. With these words, Fruit Loop #1 looked at me from the passenger seat of the car with his hazel […]
Don’t Ask Me For My Babysitter’s Name. DON’T.
I’m a giver. I share better than any three year old. Really. Ask my friends. I give advice (almost never unsolicited), I give fabulous presents and I give of my time like nobody’s business (two words: PTA President). If you need me, I’m there for you, no questions asked. And, if you are one of […]
My Apology: My Tween Can’t Say “I’m Sorry” And It’s My Fault
On a hot summer night last year, you defied me. You begged to be allowed to walk down to an ice cream shop with your younger sister in the small beach town where we were vacationing. “I’m twelve now, Mom,” you pleaded, “almost thirteen. Come on, please?” After a bit of discussion, your father and […]
The Day I Realized I Shouldn’t Fix My Tween’s Problems
On that warm summer night, as I caught a glimpse of Fruit Loop #1, I knew. He was standing across the yard, holding a plastic plate filled with summer party food and holding a red plastic cup. The sun hit his twelve year old hair in just a way that I could see the blonde […]
Are You Team Toddler or Team Tween?
When you become a parent, there’s just so much you don’t know. SO. MUCH. And, in those first few years, you wander around deliriously tired, chase after little people who break all of your previously nice things and wonder how exactly every item of clothing you own is covered in spit up. You suffer through […]
Our Parents Had It Easy. And I’m Jealous.
The other day, I got the dreaded “Your phone storage is almost full” message and realized it was time to clean up my phone. Read: it was time to play “Press Your Luck” over which apps I could keep, how many photos to delete and just exactly how many text messages were necessary. No whammies, […]
If You Get One, You Give One
I knew this day would come as I had been warned by those who had gone before me. He’s going to ask someday. She’s going to have questions. You need to get your story straight. You have to be *prepared* because you’ll be caught with your pants down when the Fruit Loops ask about the […]
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